Man of Measure

As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.
As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.

Hypnotic Specter

Flying
Whenever Hypnotic Specter deals damage to an opponent, that player discards a card at random.

Alexander Clamilton

Whenever you cast a wordy spell, scry 2. (A spell is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)
{1}{R}, {T}: Choose target creature you don't control. Reveal the top card of your library. Alexander Clamilton gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of lines of rules text of the revealed card. Alexander Clamilton fights that creature.

Agility

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 and has flanking. (Whenever a creature without flanking blocks this creature, the blocking creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn.)

Elvish House Party

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

Savannah Lions

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Pyroblast

Choose one —
• Counter target spell if it's blue.
• Destroy target permanent if it's blue.

Serra Angel

Flying
Vigilance (Attacking doesn't cause this creature to tap.)

Blue Elemental Blast

Choose one —
• Counter target red spell.
• Destroy target red permanent.

Cheap Ass

Eye to Eye

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

Tainted Monkey

{T}: Choose a word. Target player mills a card. If a card with the chosen word in its text box was milled this way, they lose 3 life.

Ashnod's Coupon

{T}, Sacrifice Ashnod's Coupon: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.

Lightning Bolt

Lightning Bolt deals 3 damage to any target.

Sauron's Ransom

Choose an opponent. They look at the top four cards of your library and separate them into a face-down pile and a face-up pile. Put one pile into your hand and the other into your graveyard. The Ring tempts you.

Landfill

Choose a land type. Exile all lands you control of that type. Drop those cards, one at a time, onto the playing area from a height of at least one foot. Destroy each permanent completely covered by those cards. Then return the cards you dropped to the battlefield tapped.

Rod of Spanking

{2}, {T}: Rod of Spanking deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap Rod of Spanking unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

Jalum Grifter

{1}{R}, {T}: Shuffle Jalum Grifter and two lands you control face down. Target opponent chooses one of those cards. Turn the cards face up. If they chose Jalum Grifter, sacrifice it. Otherwise, destroy target permanent.

City of Ass

City of Ass enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

World-Bottling Kit

{5}, Sacrifice World-Bottling Kit: Choose a Magic set. Exile all permanents with that set's expansion symbol except for basic lands.

Wordmail

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

Face to Face

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Side to Side

You and target opponent arm-wrestle. If you win, create a 3/3 green Ape creature token.

Demonic Attorney

Remove Demonic Attorney from your deck before playing if you're not playing for ante.
Each player antes the top card of their library.

Hurloon Wrangler

Denimwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player is wearing denim.)

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Ass Whuppin'

Destroy target silver-bordered or acorn permanent in any game you can see from your seat.

Helm of Chatzuk

{1}, {T}: Target creature gains banding until end of turn. (Any creatures with banding, and up to one without, can attack in a band. Bands are blocked as a group. If any creatures with banding a player controls are blocking or being blocked by a creature, that player divides that creature's combat damage, not its controller, among any of the creatures it's being blocked by or is blocking.)

Llanowar Elves

Hydroblast

Choose one —
• Counter target spell if it's red.
• Destroy target permanent if it's red.

Cooperation

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature has banding. (Any creatures with banding, and up to one without, can attack in a band. Bands are blocked as a group. If any creatures with banding a player controls are blocking or being blocked by a creature, that player divides that creature's combat damage, not its controller, among any of the creatures it's being blocked by or is blocking.)

Jabari's Banner

{1}, {T}: Target creature gains flanking until end of turn. (Whenever a creature without flanking blocks this creature, the blocking creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn.)

Red Elemental Blast

Choose one —
• Counter target blue spell.
• Destroy target blue permanent.

Craw Wurm

Nether Shadow

Haste
At the beginning of your upkeep, if Nether Shadow is in your graveyard with three or more creature cards above it, you may put Nether Shadow onto the battlefield.