Squirrel Sovereign

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Squirrel Wrangler

{1}{G}, Sacrifice a land: Create two 1/1 green Squirrel creature tokens.
{1}{G}, Sacrifice a land: Squirrel creatures get +1/+1 until end of turn.

Counterspell

Snow-Covered Forest

Fodder Cannon

{4}, {T}, Sacrifice a creature: Fodder Cannon deals 4 damage to target creature.

Squirrel Dealer

When Squirrel Dealer enters, ask a person outside the game "Do you like Squirrels?" If they do, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Voidslime

Counter target spell, activated ability, or triggered ability. (Mana abilities can't be targeted.)

City of Ass

City of Ass enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Timmy, Power Gamer

{4}: You may put a creature card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Chatter of the Squirrel

Create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.
Flashback {1}{G} (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)

The Cheese Stands Alone

When you control no permanents other than The Cheese Stands Alone and have no cards in hand, you win the game.

Gorilla Titan

Trample
Gorilla Titan gets +4/+4 as long as there are no cards in your graveyard.

Squirrel Farm

{1}{G}: Reveal a card in your hand, covering the artist credit. Target opponent guesses the artist. If they guess wrong, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Stone-Cold Basilisk

Whenever Stone-Cold Basilisk blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.)
Whenever an opponent reads Stone-Cold Basilisk, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.

Charm School

As Charm School enters, choose a color and balance Charm School on your head.
Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you by sources of the chosen color.
When Charm School falls off your head, sacrifice Charm School.

Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

Fruitcake Elemental

Fruitcake Elemental is indestructible.
At the end of your turn, Fruitcake Elemental deals 7 damage to you.
{3}: Target player gains control of Fruitcake Elemental.

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile Animate Library instead.

Scute Mob

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control five or more lands, put four +1/+1 counters on Scute Mob.

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Snow-Covered Island

Earl of Squirrel

Squirrellink (Damage dealt by this creature also causes you to create that many 1/1 green Squirrel creature tokens.)
Creature tokens you control are Squirrels in addition to their other creature types.
Other Squirrels you control get +1/+1.

Urza's Contact Lenses

Urza's Contact Lenses enters tapped.
Urza's Contact Lenses doesn't untap during your untap step.
As long as Urza's Contact Lenses is untapped, all players play with their hands revealed.
Clap your hands twice: You may tap or untap Urza's Contact Lenses.

Lhurgoyf

Lhurgoyf's power is equal to the number of creature cards in all graveyards and its toughness is equal to that number plus 1.

Snow-Covered Plains

Fat Ass

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Squirrel Sanctuary

When Squirrel Sanctuary enters, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.
Whenever a nontoken creature you control dies, you may pay {1}. If you do, return Squirrel Sanctuary to its owner's hand.

Rules Lawyer

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

Werebear

{T}: Add {G}.
Threshold — Werebear gets +3/+3 as long as seven or more cards are in your graveyard.

Squirrel Nest

Enchant land
Enchanted land has "{T}: Create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token."

Nevinyrral's Disk

Nevinyrral's Disk enters tapped.
{1}, {T}: Destroy all artifacts, creatures, and enchantments.

Old Fogey

Phasing, cumulative upkeep {1}, echo {G}{G}, fading 3, bands with other Dinosaurs, protection from Homarids, snow-covered plainswalk, flanking, rampage 2

Blacker Lotus

{T}: Tear Blacker Lotus into pieces. Add four mana of any one color. Remove the pieces from the game.

B-I-N-G-O

Trample
Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

Squirrel Mob

Squirrel Mob gets +1/+1 for each other Squirrel on the battlefield.

R&D's Secret Lair

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.
{T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

Phelddagrif

{G}: Phelddagrif gains trample until end of turn. Target opponent creates a 1/1 green Hippo creature token.
{W}: Phelddagrif gains flying until end of turn. Target opponent gains 2 life.
{U}: Return Phelddagrif to its owner's hand. Target opponent may draw a card.

B.O.B. (Bevy of Beebles)

As B.O.B. enters, create four 1/1 blue Beeble creature tokens.
The number of loyalty counters on B.O.B. is equal to the number of Beebles you control. (Create or sacrifice Beebles whenever B.O.B. gains or loses loyalty.)
+1: Up to X target Beebles can't be blocked this turn, where X is the number of cards in your hand.
−1: Draw a card.

Snow Mercy

Whenever a creature deals damage to you, put a globe counter on it.
{T}, {Q}, {T}, {Q}, {T}: Tap all creatures with globe counters on them.

Half-Squirrel, Half-

Whenever a nontoken creature enters,
Augment {G} ({G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Shahrazad

Players play a Magic subgame, using their libraries as their decks. Each player who doesn't win the subgame loses half their life, rounded up.

Scute Swarm

Landfall — Whenever a land you control enters, create a 1/1 green Insect creature token. If you control six or more lands, create a token that's a copy of Scute Swarm instead.