Urza, Academy Headmaster

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First Pick

Destroy target artifact or enchantment. Assemble a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.
{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

Old-Fashioned Vampire

Flying
Old-Fashioned Vampire gets +2/+2 and has deathtouch as long as it's dark outdoors.

Feisty Stegosaurus

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. This creature deals damage equal to the result to target creature an opponent controls.

The Grand Calcutron

The Grand Calcutron can be your commander.
When The Grand Calcutron enters, each player's hand becomes a program (an ordered row of revealed cards).
Players can only play the first card of their program.
If a card would be put into a player's hand from anywhere, that player reveals it and places it anywhere within their program instead.
At the beginning of each player's end step, if that player's program has fewer than five cards, they draw cards equal to the difference.

Skull Saucer

Flying
When Skull Saucer enters, destroy target creature and put your head on the table. Sacrifice Skull Saucer when your head stops touching the table.

More or Less

Add or subtract 1 or one from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn.

Stamp of Approval

As Stamp of Approval enters, choose a watermark.
Creatures you control with the chosen watermark get +1/+1.

Subcontract

A person outside the game looks at target opponent's hand and chooses a nonland card from it. That player discards that card.

Suspicious Nanny

Whenever Suspicious Nanny deals combat damage to a player, it reassembles target Contraption that player controls. (Gain control of it and move it onto one of your sprockets.)

Neural Network

Whenever you crank Neural Network, gain control of target creature an opponent controls with power less than or equal to the number of creature cards in its controller's graveyard until end of turn. Untap that creature. It gains haste until end of turn.

Zombified

{4}{B}: Combine Zombified from your graveyard with target host.
{2}{B}, Exile a creature card from your graveyard:
Augment {4}{B} ({4}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Shaggy Camel

When this creature enters, creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K. can't be blocked by creatures with flavor text.
{2}{U}{B}: Phoebe permanently steals target creature's text box. (That creature loses all rules text, flavor text, and watermarks. This creature gains them.)

Just Desserts

Just Desserts deals π damage to target creature. (π is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. (It's a smidgen more than 3.))

Ground Pounder

{3}{G}: Roll a six-sided die. Ground Pounder gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.
Whenever you roll a 5 or higher on a die, Ground Pounder gains trample until end of turn.

Mandatory Friendship Shackles

Whenever you crank Mandatory Friendship Shackles, target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn.

Split Screen

When Split Screen enters, shuffle your library and deal it into four libraries. If anything refers to your library, choose one of your libraries for it.
Play with your libraries' top cards revealed.
When Split Screen leaves the battlefield, shuffle your libraries together.

"Rumors of My Death . . ."

{3}{B}, Exile a permanent you control with a League of Dastardly Doom watermark: Return a permanent card with a League of Dastardly Doom watermark from your graveyard to the battlefield.

Clever Combo

Search your library for a host card or a card with augment, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Voracious Vacuum

When this creature enters, put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.

Monkey-

Whenever a nontoken creature you control dies,
Augment {2}{G} ({2}{G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Division Table

Whenever you crank Division Table, target player loses 2 life.

Thud-for-Duds

Whenever you crank Thud-for-Duds, roll two six-sided dice. Thud-for-Duds deals damage to target creature equal to the difference between those results.

Half-Shark, Half-

At the beginning of your upkeep,
Augment {5}{U} ({5}{U}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Proper Laboratory Attire

Equipped creature gets +2/+1 and has protection from die rolls. (Nothing that lets a player roll a die can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to equipped creature.)
Equip {2}

Head Banger

Whenever you crank Head Banger, target creature must be blocked this turn if able.

Eager Beaver

When this creature enters, you may untap target permanent.

Humming-

Flying
Whenever you attack with two or more creatures,
Augment {3}{W} ({3}{W}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Aerial Toastmaster

Flying
{3}{W}, Sacrifice another artifact: Aerial Toastmaster assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Mother Kangaroo

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Put a number of +1/+1 counters on this creature equal to the result.

Watermarket

{T}: Add {C}{C}. Spend this mana only to cast spells with watermarks.

Inflation Station

Whenever you crank Inflation Station, target creature gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Better Than One

A person outside the game becomes your teammate. (Choose any number of cards in your hand, on top of your library, or on the battlefield under your control. Those cards become your teammate's hand, library, and permanents, respectively.)

Quick-Stick Lick Trick

Whenever you crank Quick-Stick Lick Trick, target creature gets +1/+1 and gains lifelink until end of turn.

Time Out

Roll a six-sided die. Put target nonland permanent into its owner's library just beneath the top X cards of that library, where X is the result.

Kindly Cognician

Spells you cast that refer to artifacts or Contraptions in their rules text cost {1} less to cast.

Chipper Chopper

Flying
When Chipper Chopper enters, you may sacrifice another artifact. If you do, put two +1/+1 counters on Chipper Chopper and it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Clock of DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

{4}, {T}: Move the CRANK! counter to your Contraption deck's next sprocket and crank any number of that sprocket's Contraptions.

As Luck Would Have It

Hexproof
Whenever you roll a die, put a number of luck counters on As Luck Would Have It equal to the result. Then if there are 100 or more luck counters on As Luck Would Have It, you win the game. (Count both rolls if you reroll a die.)

Gnome-Made Engine

When this creature enters, create a 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature token.

Chivalrous Chevalier

Flying
When Chivalrous Chevalier enters, return a creature you control to its owner's hand unless you compliment an opponent.

Labro Bot

When this creature enters, return target host card or card with augment from your graveyard to your hand.

Hammer Helper

Gain control of target creature until end of turn. Untap that creature and roll a six-sided die. Until end of turn, it gains haste and gets +X/+0, where X is the result.

Novellamental

Flying
Novellamental can block only creatures with flying.

Hoisted Hireling

Hoisted Hireling has flying as long as it's being held above the battlefield.

Finders, Keepers

Destroy target creature, then assemble a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile Animate Library instead.

Turbo-Thwacking Auto-Hammer

Whenever you crank Turbo-Thwacking Auto-Hammer, target creature gains double strike until end of turn.

Incite Insight

Assemble X Contraptions. (To assemble a Contraption, put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Hammer Jammer

As Hammer Jammer enters, roll a six-sided die. Hammer Jammer enters with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.
Whenever you roll a die, remove all +1/+1 counters from Hammer Jammer, then put a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.

Crow Storm

Create a 1/2 blue Bird creature token with flying named Storm Crow.
Storm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each spell cast before it this turn.)

Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle

As Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle enters, you and an opponent each secretly choose Whack or Doodle. Then those choices are revealed. If the choices match, Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle has that ability. Otherwise, it has Buzz.
• Whack — {T}: Target player loses 2 life.
• Doodle — {T}: You gain 3 life.
• Buzz — {2}, {T}: Draw a card.

Secret Base

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to cast a spell that shares a watermark with Secret Base.

Blurry Beeble

Blurry (This creature can be blocked only if defending player was wearing glasses as it was cast.)
Whenever Blurry Beeble deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.

Bumbling Pangolin

When this creature enters, you may destroy target artifact.

Contraption Cannon

{2}, Sacrifice Contraption Cannon: It deals damage to any target equal to the number of Contraptions you control.

Old Guard

{W}, {T}: Tap target creature without reminder text. (Reminder text is still any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Jamming Device

Whenever you crank Jamming Device, creatures target player controls get -1/-1 until end of turn.

Stinging Scorpion

When this creature enters, target creature an opponent controls gets -1/-1 until end of turn.

Half-Orc, Half-

Trample
At the beginning of each end step, if an opponent was dealt damage this turn,
Augment {1}{R}{R} ({1}{R}{R}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Grusilda, Monster Masher

Combined, enchanted, and equipped creatures you control have menace.
{3}{B}{R}, {T}: Put two target creature cards from graveyards onto the battlefield combined into one creature under your control. (Its power is equal to their total power, its toughness is equal to their total toughness, and it has their names, mana costs, types, text boxes, etc.)

Party Crasher

Haste
You can attack with Party Crasher once each combat during each opponent's turn.

Kindslaver

{5}, {T}, Sacrifice Kindslaver: A person outside the game controls target player during that player's next turn. Neither player may advise that person until the end of that turn.

Numbing Jellyfish

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Target player mills X cards, where X is the result.

Staff of the Letter Magus

As Staff of the Letter Magus enters, choose a consonant other than N, R, S, or T.
Whenever a player casts a spell, you gain 1 life for each time the chosen letter appears in that spell's name.

Shellephant

{0}: Choose one. You may activate this ability while Shellephant is in any zone.
• Shellephant has base power and toughness 1/4.
• Shellephant has base power and toughness 3/3.

Druid of the Sacred Beaker

{T}: Add {G} for each Crossbreed Labs watermark among permanents you control.

Common Iguana

When this creature enters, you may discard a card. If you do, draw a card.

Spy Eye

Flying
Whenever Spy Eye deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card from that player's library.

Spell Suck

Counter target spell, then assemble a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Boomflinger

Whenever you crank Boomflinger, roll two six-sided dice. Boomflinger deals damage to target player or planeswalker equal to the difference between those results.

Wall of Fortune

Defender
You may tap an untapped Wall you control to have any player reroll a die that player rolled.

Big Boa Constrictor

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Target opponent loses life equal to the result.

Dictation Quillograph

Whenever you crank Dictation Quillograph, until end of turn, target creature gains "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card."

Chittering Doom

Whenever you roll a 4 or higher on a die, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Slaying Mantis

Just a second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't move permanents.)
Slaying Mantis enters by being thrown from a distance of at least three feet.
When Slaying Mantis enters, it fights each creature an opponent controls that it touched as it entered.

Accessories to Murder

Whenever you crank Accessories to Murder, target creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of creatures you control.

Mer Man

When this creature enters, you may draw a card.

Squirrel-Powered Scheme

Increase the result of each die you roll by 2.

Success!

Target creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn. If it's a host or has augment, it gains lifelink until end of turn.

Widget Contraption

Whenever you crank Widget Contraption, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

capital offense

target creature gets -x/-x until end of turn, where x is the number of times a capital letter appears in its rules text. (ignore reminder text and flavor text.)

Ordinary Pony

When this creature enters, you may exile target non-Horse creature you control that wasn't put onto the battlefield with this ability this turn, then return it to the battlefield under its owner's control.

Auto-Key

Whenever you crank Auto-Key, until end of turn, target creature becomes an artifact in addition to its other types and gains "{T}: You gain 3 life."

Lackey Recycler

Whenever you crank Lackey Recycler, put target creature card from your graveyard on top of your library.

Lobe Lobber

Equipped creature has "{T}: This creature deals 1 damage to target player or planeswalker. Roll a six-sided die. On a 5 or higher, untap it."
Equip {2}

Selfie Preservation

Search your library for a basic land card and reveal it. If there's a tree in its art, put it onto the battlefield tapped. Otherwise, put it into your hand. Then shuffle.

By Gnome Means

{1}{W}, Remove a counter from a permanent you control: Create a 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature token.
{1}{W}, Sacrifice an artifact: Choose any kind of counter a printed card refers to, then put one of that counter on target permanent.

Knight of the Widget

Vigilance
Knight of the Widget's power and toughness are each equal to the number of Order of the Widget watermarks among permanents you control.

Crafty Octopus

When this creature enters, this creature assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Painiac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. Painiac gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the result.

Overt Operative

Menace
Whenever Overt Operative deals combat damage to a player, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Gimme Five

You gain 1 life for each person who high-fives you in the next thirty seconds. Each player in an Un-game who high-fives you gains 1 life. (Offer high fives. Don't hit people.)

Cramped Bunker

At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, that player moves a permanent they control to touch Cramped Bunker and no other permanents. If the player can't, destroy each permanent they control that isn't touching Cramped Bunker, then sacrifice it.

Box of Free-Range Goblins

Roll a six-sided die. Create a number of 1/1 red Goblin creature tokens equal to the result.

Sap Sucker

Whenever you crank Sap Sucker, add {G}. Until end of turn, you don't lose this mana as steps and phases end.

Work a Double

Assemble two Contraptions. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets. Then repeat this process.)

Genetic Recombinator

Whenever you crank Genetic Recombinator, up to two target creatures each get +2/+2 until end of turn.

Gnomeball Machine

Whenever you crank Gnomeball Machine, create two 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature tokens.