The Grand Calcutron

The Grand Calcutron can be your commander.
When The Grand Calcutron enters, each player's hand becomes a program (an ordered row of revealed cards).
Players can only play the first card of their program.
If a card would be put into a player's hand from anywhere, that player reveals it and places it anywhere within their program instead.
At the beginning of each player's end step, if that player's program has fewer than five cards, they draw cards equal to the difference.

By Gnome Means

{1}{W}, Remove a counter from a permanent you control: Create a 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature token.
{1}{W}, Sacrifice an artifact: Choose any kind of counter a printed card refers to, then put one of that counter on target permanent.

GO TO JAIL

When GO TO JAIL enters, exile target creature an opponent controls until GO TO JAIL leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice GO TO JAIL.

Knight of the Kitchen Sink

First strike, protection from black borders (Nothing with a black border can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Oddly Uneven

Choose one —
• Destroy each creature with an odd number of words in its name. (Hyphenated words are one word.)
• Destroy each creature with an even number of words in its name.

Old Guard

{W}, {T}: Tap target creature without reminder text. (Reminder text is still any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Rules Lawyer

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile Animate Library instead.

Blurry Beeble

Blurry (This creature can be blocked only if defending player was wearing glasses as it was cast.)
Whenever Blurry Beeble deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.

Clocknapper

When Clocknapper enters, choose beginning phase, first main phase, combat phase, postcombat main phase, or ending phase. Steal that phase from target player during their next turn. (That phase occurs as though it's your turn instead.)

Five-Finger Discount

Put target nonland permanent into your hand. You may spend mana as though it were mana of any color the next time you cast that card.

Graveyard Busybody

All graveyards are also your graveyards.
Graveyard Busybody's power and toughness are each equal to the number of cards with flavor text in your graveyards.

Kindly Cognician

Spells you cast that refer to artifacts or Contraptions in their rules text cost {1} less to cast.

Magic Word

Enchant creature
As Magic Word enters, choose a word.
Whisper the chosen word: Tap enchanted creature.

More or Less

Add or subtract 1 or one from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn.

Spy Eye

Flying
Whenever Spy Eye deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card from that player's library.

Suspicious Nanny

Whenever Suspicious Nanny deals combat damage to a player, it reassembles target Contraption that player controls. (Gain control of it and move it onto one of your sprockets.)

Very Cryptic Command

Choose two —
• Draw a card from an opponent's library.
• Copy target instant or sorcery spell. You may choose new targets for the copy.
• Until end of turn, target creature loses all abilities and becomes a blue Frog with base power and toughness 1/1.
• Create a 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature token.

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.
{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

Everythingamajig

Sacrifice a land: You gain 2 life.
Sacrifice a creature: Add {C}{C}.
{2}, Discard a card: Search your library for a card that shares a complete word in its name with the name of the discarded card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Proper Laboratory Attire

Equipped creature gets +2/+1 and has protection from die rolls. (Nothing that lets a player roll a die can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to equipped creature.)
Equip {2}

Glacial Fortress

Glacial Fortress enters tapped unless you control a Plains or an Island.
{T}: Add {W} or {U}.

Teferi's Protection

Until your next turn, your life total can't change and you gain protection from everything. All permanents you control phase out. (While they're phased out, they're treated as though they don't exist. They phase in before you untap during your untap step.)
Exile Teferi's Protection.

Curse of Verbosity

Enchant player
Whenever enchanted player is attacked, you draw a card. Each opponent attacking that player does the same.

Curse of Inertia

Enchant player
Whenever a player attacks enchanted player with one or more creatures, that attacking player may tap or untap target permanent of their choice.

Failure

Comply

Aftermath (Cast this spell only from your graveyard. Then exile it.)
Choose a card name. Until your next turn, your opponents can't cast spells with the chosen name.

Failure // Comply

Dovin Baan

+1: Until your next turn, up to one target creature gets -3/-0 and its activated abilities can't be activated.
−1: You gain 2 life and draw a card.
−7: You get an emblem with "Your opponents can't untap more than two permanents during their untap steps."

Reflector Mage

When Reflector Mage enters, return target creature an opponent controls to its owner's hand. That creature's owner can't cast spells with the same name as that creature until your next turn.

Guile

Guile can't be blocked except by three or more creatures.
If a spell or ability you control would counter a spell, instead exile that spell and you may play that card without paying its mana cost.
When Guile is put into a graveyard from anywhere, shuffle it into its owner's library.

Swans of Bryn Argoll

Flying
If a source would deal damage to Swans of Bryn Argoll, prevent that damage. The source's controller draws cards equal to the damage prevented this way.

Act of Authority

When Act of Authority enters, you may exile target artifact or enchantment.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may exile target artifact or enchantment. If you do, its controller gains control of Act of Authority.

Order of Succession

Choose left or right. Starting with you and proceeding in the chosen direction, each player chooses a creature controlled by the next player in that direction. Each player gains control of the creature they chose.

Conjured Currency

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may exchange control of Conjured Currency and target permanent you neither own nor control.

Azor's Elocutors

At the beginning of your upkeep, put a filibuster counter on Azor's Elocutors. Then if Azor's Elocutors has five or more filibuster counters on it, you win the game.
Whenever a source deals damage to you, remove a filibuster counter from Azor's Elocutors.

Curse of Echoes

Enchant player
Whenever enchanted player casts an instant or sorcery spell, each other player may copy that spell and may choose new targets for the copy they control.

Knowledge Pool

Imprint — When Knowledge Pool enters, each player exiles the top three cards of their library.
Whenever a player casts a spell from their hand, that player exiles it. If the player does, they may cast a spell from among other cards exiled with Knowledge Pool without paying its mana cost.

Godhead of Awe

Flying
Other creatures have base power and toughness 1/1.

Captivating Glance

Enchant creature
At the beginning of your end step, clash with an opponent. If you win, gain control of enchanted creature. Otherwise, that player gains control of enchanted creature. (Each clashing player reveals the top card of their library, then puts that card on the top or bottom. A player wins if their card had a higher mana value.)

Atinlay Igpay

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Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy One)

If you control two or more white permanents that share an artist, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.
Exile target enchantment.

First Come, First Served

Each attacking or blocking creature with the lowest collector number among attacking or blocking creatures has first strike.

Head to Head

You and target opponent play Seven Questions with the top card of that player's library. If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice. (To play Seven Questions, that player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that they answer truthfully. You guess the card's name—that's question seven—then the player reveals the card.)

Look at Me, I'm R&D

As Look at Me, I'm R&D comes into play, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than that number.
All instances of the first chosen number on permanents, spells, and cards in any zone are the second chosen number.

Staying Power

"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Ambiguity

Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Johnny, Combo Player

{4}: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.

Loose Lips

Enchant creature
As Loose Lips enters, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

Magical Hacker

{U}: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

Mouth to Mouth

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

Question Elemental?

Did you know this creature has flying?
Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of Question Elemental?

Topsy Turvy

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, second main, combat, first main, and beginning.)
As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

Meddling Kids

As Meddling Kids enters, choose a word with four or more letters.
Spells with the chosen word in their text box can't be cast.

Fatespinner

At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, that player chooses draw step, main phase, or combat phase. The player skips each instance of the chosen step or phase this turn.

Shared Fate

If a player would draw a card, that player exiles the top card of one of their opponents' libraries face down instead.
Each player may look at cards they exiled with Shared Fate, and they may play lands and cast spells from among those cards.

Timesifter

At the beginning of each upkeep, each player exiles the top card of their library. The player who exiled the card with the highest mana value takes an extra turn after this one. If two or more players' cards are tied for highest, the tied players repeat this process until the tie is broken.

Dimensional Breach

Exile all permanents. For as long as any of those cards remain exiled, at the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player returns one of the exiled cards they own to the battlefield.

Cultural Exchange

Choose any number of creatures target player controls. Choose the same number of creatures another target player controls. Those players exchange control of those creatures. (This effect lasts indefinitely.)

Donate

Target player gains control of target permanent you control.

Island

Look at Me, I'm the DCI

Ban a card other than a basic land card for the rest of the match. (All cards with that name in any zone or sideboard are removed from the match.)

Common Courtesy

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.
When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice Common Courtesy.

Teferi's Realm

At the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player chooses artifact, creature, land, or non-Aura enchantment. All nontoken permanents of that type phase out. (While they're phased out, they're treated as though they don't exist. Each one phases in before its controller untaps during their next untap step.)

Plains

Gwafa Hazid, Profiteer

{W}{U}, {T}: Put a bribery counter on target creature you don't control. Its controller draws a card.
Creatures with bribery counters on them can't attack or block.

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Sol Ring

Laboratory Maniac

If you would draw a card while your library has no cards in it, you win the game instead.

Hallowed Fountain

({T}: Add {W} or {U}.)
As Hallowed Fountain enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Azorius Chancery

Azorius Chancery enters tapped.
When Azorius Chancery enters, return a land you control to its owner's hand.
{T}: Add {W}{U}.

Dovescape

({W/U} can be paid with either {W} or {U}.)
Whenever a player casts a noncreature spell, counter that spell. That player creates X 1/1 white and blue Bird creature tokens with flying, where X is the spell's mana value.

Azorius Guildmage

{2}{W}: Tap target creature.
{2}{U}: Counter target activated ability. (Mana abilities can't be targeted.)

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