Guff Rewrites History

For each player, choose target nonenchantment, nonland permanent that player controls. Those permanents' owners shuffle them into their libraries. Each player who controlled one of those permanents exiles cards from the top of their library until they exile a nonland card, then puts the rest on the bottom of their library in a random order. Each player may cast the nonland card they exiled without paying its mana cost.

The Raven Man

At the beginning of each end step, if a player discarded a card this turn, create a 1/1 black Bird creature token with flying and "This creature can't block."
{3}{B}, {T}: Each opponent discards a card. Activate only as a sorcery.

Animate Dead

Enchant creature card in a graveyard
When Animate Dead enters, if it's on the battlefield, it loses "enchant creature card in a graveyard" and gains "enchant creature put onto the battlefield with Animate Dead." Return enchanted creature card to the battlefield under your control and attach Animate Dead to it. When Animate Dead leaves the battlefield, that creature's controller sacrifices it.
Enchanted creature gets -1/-0.

Tibalt's Trickery

Counter target spell. Choose 1, 2, or 3 at random. Its controller mills that many cards, then exiles cards from the top of their library until they exile a nonland card with a different name than that spell. They may cast that card without paying its mana cost. Then they put the exiled cards on the bottom of their library in a random order.

Psychosis Crawler

Psychosis Crawler's power and toughness are each equal to the number of cards in your hand.
Whenever you draw a card, each opponent loses 1 life.

Moria Scavenger

Deathtouch, haste
{T}, Discard a card: Draw a card. If the discarded card was a creature card, amass Orcs 1. (Put a +1/+1 counter on an Army you control. It's also an Orc. If you don't control an Army, create a 0/0 black Orc Army creature token first.)

Smoldering Marsh

({T}: Add {B} or {R}.)
Smoldering Marsh enters tapped unless you control two or more basic lands.

Bone Miser

Whenever you discard a creature card, create a 2/2 black Zombie creature token.
Whenever you discard a land card, add {B}{B}.
Whenever you discard a noncreature, nonland card, draw a card.

Necromancy

You may cast Necromancy as though it had flash. If you cast it any time a sorcery couldn't have been cast, the controller of the permanent it becomes sacrifices it at the beginning of the next cleanup step.
When Necromancy enters, if it's on the battlefield, it becomes an Aura with "enchant creature put onto the battlefield with Necromancy." Put target creature card from a graveyard onto the battlefield under your control and attach Necromancy to it. When Necromancy leaves the battlefield, that creature's controller sacrifices it.

Songs of the Damned

Add {B} for each creature card in your graveyard.

Surly Badgersaur

Whenever you discard a creature card, put a +1/+1 counter on Surly Badgersaur.
Whenever you discard a land card, create a Treasure token. (It's an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.")
Whenever you discard a noncreature, nonland card, Surly Badgersaur fights up to one target creature you don't control.

Doomed Necromancer

{B}, {T}, Sacrifice Doomed Necromancer: Return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield.

Syr Konrad, the Grim

Whenever another creature dies, or a creature card is put into a graveyard from anywhere other than the battlefield, or a creature card leaves your graveyard, Syr Konrad, the Grim deals 1 damage to each opponent.
{1}{B}: Each player mills a card. (They each put the top card of their library into their graveyard.)

Haunted Ridge

Haunted Ridge enters tapped unless you control two or more other lands.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Tinybones, the Pickpocket

Deathtouch
Whenever Tinybones, the Pickpocket deals combat damage to a player, you may cast target nonland permanent card from that player's graveyard, and mana of any type can be spent to cast that spell.

Have

Professor Onyx

Magecraft — Whenever you cast or copy an instant or sorcery spell, each opponent loses 2 life and you gain 2 life.
+1: You lose 1 life. Look at the top three cards of your library. Put one of them into your hand and the rest into your graveyard.
−3: Each opponent sacrifices a creature with the greatest power among creatures that player controls.
−8: Each opponent may discard a card. If they don't, they lose 3 life. Repeat this process six more times.

Prosper, Tome-Bound

Deathtouch
Mystic Arcanum — At the beginning of your end step, exile the top card of your library. Until the end of your next turn, you may play that card.
Pact Boon — Whenever you play a card from exile, create a Treasure token.

Swamp

Rakdos Charm

Choose one —
• Exile target player's graveyard.
• Destroy target artifact.
• Each creature deals 1 damage to its controller.

Archfiend of Ifnir

Flying
Whenever you cycle or discard another card, put a -1/-1 counter on each creature your opponents control.
Cycling {2} ({2}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Glint-Horn Buccaneer

Haste
Whenever you discard a card, Glint-Horn Buccaneer deals 1 damage to each opponent.
{1}{R}, Discard a card: Draw a card. Activate only if Glint-Horn Buccaneer is attacking.

Withering Torment

Destroy target creature or enchantment. You lose 2 life.

Victimize

Choose two target creature cards in your graveyard. Sacrifice a creature. If you do, return the chosen cards to the battlefield tapped.

Faith of the Devoted

Whenever you cycle or discard a card, you may pay {1}. If you do, each opponent loses 2 life and you gain 2 life.

Talisman of Indulgence

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}. Talisman of Indulgence deals 1 damage to you.

Luxury Suite

Luxury Suite enters tapped unless you have two or more opponents.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Flamecache Gecko

When Flamecache Gecko enters, if an opponent lost life this turn, add {B}{R}.
{1}{R}, Discard a card: Draw a card.

Phyrexian Arena

At the beginning of your upkeep, you draw a card and you lose 1 life.

Emrakul, the World Anew

When you cast this spell, gain control of all creatures target player controls.
Flying, protection from spells and from permanents that were cast this turn
When Emrakul, the World Anew leaves the battlefield, sacrifice all creatures you control.
Madness—Pay six {C}.

Sulfurous Springs

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}. Sulfurous Springs deals 1 damage to you.

Liliana of the Veil

+1: Each player discards a card.
−2: Target player sacrifices a creature.
−6: Separate all permanents target player controls into two piles. That player sacrifices all permanents in the pile of their choice.

Gorgon Recluse

Whenever Gorgon Recluse blocks or becomes blocked by a nonblack creature, destroy that creature at end of combat.
Madness {B}{B} (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, cast it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard.)

Faithless Looting

Draw two cards, then discard two cards.
Flashback {2}{R} (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)

Squee, Goblin Nabob

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may return Squee, Goblin Nabob from your graveyard to your hand.

Temple of Malice

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, scry 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card on the bottom.)
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Nightshade Assassin

First strike
When Nightshade Assassin enters, you may reveal X black cards in your hand. If you do, target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn.
Madness {1}{B} (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, cast it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard.)

Bedevil

Destroy target artifact, creature, or planeswalker.

Rakdos Signet

Mountain

Soul Shatter

Each opponent sacrifices a creature or planeswalker with the highest mana value among creatures and planeswalkers they control.

Stromkirk Occultist

Trample
Whenever Stromkirk Occultist deals combat damage to a player, exile the top card of your library. Until end of turn, you may play that card.
Madness {1}{R} (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, cast it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard.)

Ragavan, Nimble Pilferer

Whenever Ragavan, Nimble Pilferer deals combat damage to a player, create a Treasure token and exile the top card of that player's library. Until end of turn, you may cast that card.
Dash {1}{R} (You may cast this spell for its dash cost. If you do, it gains haste, and it's returned from the battlefield to its owner's hand at the beginning of the next end step.)

Necrogoyf

Necrogoyf's power is equal to the number of creature cards in all graveyards.
At the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player discards a card.
Madness {1}{B}{B} (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, cast it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard.)

Fellwar Stone

{T}: Add one mana of any color that a land an opponent controls could produce.

Anger

Haste
As long as Anger is in your graveyard and you control a Mountain, creatures you control have haste.

Jeska's Will

Choose one. If you control a commander as you cast this spell, you may choose both instead.
• Add {R} for each card in target opponent's hand.
• Exile the top three cards of your library. You may play them this turn.

Dark Withering

Destroy target nonblack creature.
Madness {B} (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, cast it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard.)

Impact Tremors

Whenever a creature you control enters, this enchantment deals 1 damage to each opponent.

Bitter Reunion

When Bitter Reunion enters, you may discard a card. If you do, draw two cards.
{1}, Sacrifice Bitter Reunion: Creatures you control gain haste until end of turn.

Big Game Hunter

When Big Game Hunter enters, destroy target creature with power 4 or greater. It can't be regenerated.
Madness {B} (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, cast it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard.)

Rise of the Dark Realms

Put all creature cards from all graveyards onto the battlefield under your control.

Archfiend of Spite

Flying
Whenever a source an opponent controls deals damage to Archfiend of Spite, that source's controller loses that much life unless they sacrifice that many permanents of their choice.
Madness {3}{B}{B} (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, cast it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard.)

Containment Construct

Whenever you discard a card, you may exile that card from your graveyard. If you do, you may play that card this turn.

Dragonskull Summit

Dragonskull Summit enters tapped unless you control a Swamp or a Mountain.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Shadowgrange Archfiend

When Shadowgrange Archfiend enters, each opponent sacrifices a creature with the greatest power among creatures they control. You gain life equal to the greatest power among creatures sacrificed this way.
Madness—{2}{B}, Pay 8 life. (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, cast it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard.)

Arcane Signet

Chain of Smog

Target player discards two cards. That player may copy this spell and may choose a new target for that copy.

Mind Stone

{T}: Add {C}.
{1}, {T}, Sacrifice Mind Stone: Draw a card.

Raucous Theater

({T}: Add {B} or {R}.)
Raucous Theater enters tapped.
When Raucous Theater enters, surveil 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put it into your graveyard.)

Inti, Seneschal of the Sun

Whenever you attack, you may discard a card. When you do, put a +1/+1 counter on target attacking creature. It gains trample until end of turn.
Whenever you discard one or more cards, exile the top card of your library. You may play that card until your next end step.

Stormfist Crusader

Menace
At the beginning of your upkeep, each player draws a card and loses 1 life.

Tainted Peak

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}. Activate only if you control a Swamp.

Black Market Connections

At the beginning of your first main phase, choose one or more —
• Sell Contraband — Create a Treasure token. You lose 1 life.
• Buy Information — Draw a card. You lose 2 life.
• Hire a Mercenary — Create a 3/2 colorless Shapeshifter creature token with changeling. You lose 3 life. (It has every creature type.)

Chainer, Nightmare Adept

Discard a card: You may cast a creature spell from your graveyard this turn. Activate only once each turn.
Whenever a nontoken creature you control enters, if you didn't cast it from your hand, it gains haste until your next turn.

Chaos Warp

The owner of target permanent shuffles it into their library, then reveals the top card of their library. If it's a permanent card, they put it onto the battlefield.

Dark Ritual

Worldgorger Dragon

Flying, trample
When Worldgorger Dragon enters, exile all other permanents you control.
When Worldgorger Dragon leaves the battlefield, return the exiled cards to the battlefield under their owners' control.

Geier Reach Sanitarium

{T}: Add {C}.
{2}, {T}: Each player draws a card, then discards a card.

Solemn Simulacrum

When this creature enters, you may search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.
When this creature dies, you may draw a card.

Anje Falkenrath

Haste
{T}, Discard a card: Draw a card.
Whenever you discard a card, if it has madness, untap Anje Falkenrath.

Call to the Netherworld

Return target black creature card from your graveyard to your hand.
Madness {0} (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, cast it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard.)

Terminate

Destroy target creature. It can't be regenerated.

The Infamous Cruelclaw

Menace
Whenever The Infamous Cruelclaw deals combat damage to a player, exile cards from the top of your library until you exile a nonland card. You may cast that card by discarding a card rather than paying its mana cost.

Reanimate

Put target creature card from a graveyard onto the battlefield under your control. You lose life equal to its mana value.

Sol Ring

Grave Scrabbler

Madness {1}{B} (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, cast it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard.)
When Grave Scrabbler enters, if its madness cost was paid, you may return target creature card from a graveyard to its owner's hand.