Burning Cinder Fury of Crimson Chaos Fire

Whenever any player taps a permanent, that player chooses one of their opponents. The chosen player gains control of that permanent at the beginning of the next end step.
At the beginning of each player's end step, if that player didn't tap any nonland permanents that turn, Burning Cinder Fury of Crimson Chaos Fire deals 3 damage to that player.

Steamfloggery

Roll a six-sided die. Assemble a number of Contraptions equal to the result. (To assemble a Contraption, put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Gray Merchant of Alphabet

When Gray Merchant of Alphabet enters, choose a letter. For each creature you control that has the chosen letter in its name, you gain 1 life and each opponent loses 1 life.

Deadhead

{0}: Return Deadhead from your graveyard to the battlefield. Activate only if an opponent isn't touching their hand (of cards).

Just Desserts

Just Desserts deals π damage to target creature. (π is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. (It's a smidgen more than 3.))

Sly Spy

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, that player reveals the top card of their library. Put that card into your hand and you lose life equal to its mana value.

Yet Another Aether Vortex

All creatures have haste.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.

Blast from the Past

Madness {R}, cycling {1}{R}, kicker {2}{R}, flashback {3}{R}, buyback {4}{R}
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.

Rock Star

Reach
When Rock Star enters, you may discard a card. If you do, reveal the top five cards of your library. Ask a person outside the game to choose which of them is most like a rock band. Put that card into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.

Enraged Killbot

Magar of the Magic Strings

{1}{B}{R}: Note the name of target instant or sorcery card in your graveyard and put it onto the battlefield face down. It's a 3/3 creature with "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may create a copy of the card with the noted name. You may cast the copy without paying its mana cost" and "If this creature would leave the battlefield, exile it instead of putting it anywhere else."

Hazmat Suit (Used)

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace.
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

Overt Operative

Menace
Whenever Overt Operative deals combat damage to a player, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Stamp of Approval

As Stamp of Approval enters, choose a watermark.
Creatures you control with the chosen watermark get +1/+1.

Despondent Killbot

Enter the Dungeon

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

Steady-Handed Mook

Deathtouch
When Steady-Handed Mook enters, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

A Real Handful

As long as one or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it gets +2/+2.
As long as two or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it has menace.
As long as three or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it has lifelink.

Grusilda, Monster Masher

Combined, enchanted, and equipped creatures you control have menace.
{3}{B}{R}, {T}: Put two target creature cards from graveyards onto the battlefield combined into one creature under your control. (Its power is equal to their total power, its toughness is equal to their total toughness, and it has their names, mana costs, types, text boxes, etc.)

Summon the Pack

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put all creature cards revealed this way onto the battlefield under your control. They're Zombies in addition to their other types. (Remove those cards from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle

As Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle enters, you and an opponent each secretly choose Whack or Doodle. Then those choices are revealed. If the choices match, Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle has that ability. Otherwise, it has Buzz.
• Whack — {T}: Target player loses 2 life.
• Doodle — {T}: You gain 3 life.
• Buzz — {2}, {T}: Draw a card.

Watermarket

{T}: Add {C}{C}. Spend this mana only to cast spells with watermarks.

Amped Up

This spell costs {1} less to cast for each electrical socket in a wall or floor you can see from your seat.
Gain control of target creature until end of turn. Untap that creature. Until end of turn, it gets +3/+0 and gains haste.

The Big Idea

{2}{B/R}{B/R}, {T}: Roll a six-sided die. Create a number of 1/1 red Brainiac creature tokens equal to the result.
Tap three untapped Brainiacs you control: The next time you would roll a six-sided die, instead roll two six-sided dice and use the total of those results.

Everythingamajig

{2}, {T}: Move a counter from one permanent onto another. If the second permanent refers to any kind of counter, the moved counter becomes one of those counters. Otherwise, it becomes a +1/+1 counter.
{3}, {T}: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.
{4}, {T}: Proliferate. (Choose any number of permanents and/or players, then give each another counter of each kind already there.)

Secret Base

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to cast a spell that shares a watermark with Secret Base.

Mary O'Kill

{1}{B/R}: Switch a Killbot or Mary O'Kill in your hand with one on the battlefield. (If a creature is tapped, the switched creature is tapped. The same is true for untapped, attacking, blocking, enchanted, equipped, and targeted. Any counters on a creature are on the switched creature instead.)

Curious Killbot

Swamp

Booster Tutor

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Ignacio of Myra's Marvels

As Ignacio of Myra's Marvels enters, choose armor, blood, book, bottle, fang, fire, scroll, spear, sword, or water.
Whenever you cast a spell with the chosen object in its art, create two Treasure tokens.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)

Park Map

{1}, Sacrifice Park Map: Search your library for a land card that doesn't have the same art as a permanent you control, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service

The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service deals X damage to each of Y target creatures and Z target players or planeswalkers.

Dissatisfied Customer

Flying, haste
When Dissatisfied Customer enters, roll a six-sided die. If the result is 3 or less, you lose that much life.

Mountain

Lobe Lobber

Equipped creature has "{T}: This creature deals 1 damage to target player or planeswalker. Roll a six-sided die. On a 5 or higher, untap it."
Equip {2}

Celebr-8000

At the beginning of combat on your turn, roll two six-sided dice. For each result of 1, Celebr-8000 gets +1/+1 until end of turn. For each other result, it gains the indicated ability until end of turn. If you rolled doubles, it also gains double strike until end of turn.
• 2 — menace
• 3 — vigilance
• 4 — lifelink
• 5 — flying
• 6 — indestructible

Work a Double

Assemble two Contraptions. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets. Then repeat this process.)

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

The Countdown Is at One

Players play a Magic subgame, starting at 1 life and using their libraries as their decks. For the rest of the main game, if a source would deal damage to a player who didn't win the subgame, it deals double that damage to that player instead.

capital offense

target creature gets -x/-x until end of turn, where x is the number of times a capital letter appears in its rules text. (ignore reminder text and flavor text.)

Hangman

As Hangman enters, secretly note a word with six to eight letters.
{1}: Target player who doesn't control Hangman guesses the noted word or an unguessed letter in that word. If they guess wrong, put a +1/+1 counter on Hangman. Any player may activate this ability.
When a player guesses the noted word or all of its letters, sacrifice Hangman.

Monoxa, Midway Manager

Whenever you roll a 3 or higher, Monoxa, Midway Manager gains first strike until end of turn. If the roll was 4 or higher, it gains menace until end of turn. If the roll was 5 or higher, it gains lifelink until end of turn.
{6}: Roll a six-sided die.

Spike, Tournament Grinder

({B/P} can be paid with either {B} or 2 life.)
{B/P}{B/P}{B/P}{B/P}: Reveal a card you own from outside the game that has been banned or restricted in a Constructed format and put it into your hand.

Stinging Scorpion

When this creature enters, target creature an opponent controls gets -1/-1 until end of turn.

Finders, Keepers

Destroy target creature, then assemble a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Spatula of the Ages

{4}, {T}, Sacrifice Spatula of the Ages: You may put a silver-bordered or acorn permanent card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Over My Dead Bodies

Creature cards in graveyards can attack and block as though they were on the battlefield, can block or be blocked only by creature cards in graveyards, are Zombies in addition to their other types, and have undeathtouch. (If they would deal damage to a creature card, exile that creature card instead.)
Creature cards in your graveyard have haste.

Clock of DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

{4}, {T}: Move the CRANK! counter to your Contraption deck's next sprocket and crank any number of that sprocket's Contraptions.

Organ Harvest

Your team may sacrifice any number of creatures. For each creature sacrificed this way, you add {B}{B}.

Delighted Killbot

Big Winner

Big Winner has trample as long as you control a stickered permanent.

Baron Von Count

Baron Von Count enters with a doom counter on "5."
Whenever you cast a spell with the indicated numeral in its mana cost, text box, power, or toughness, move the doom counter one numeral to the left.
When the doom counter moves from "1," destroy target player and put that doom counter on "5."

Ticket Turbotubes

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{3}, {T}: You get {TK} (a ticket counter).

Strategy, Schmategy

Roll a six-sided die. Strategy, Schmategy has the indicated effect.
1 — Do nothing.
2 — Destroy all artifacts.
3 — Destroy all lands.
4 — Strategy, Schmategy deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.
5 — Each player discards their hand and draws seven cards.
6 — Repeat this process two more times.

Mana Screw

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

Hammer Helper

Gain control of target creature until end of turn. Untap that creature and roll a six-sided die. Until end of turn, it gains haste and gets +X/+0, where X is the result.

Six-Sided Die

Choose target creature. Roll a six-sided die.
1 — It has base toughness 1 until end of turn.
2 — Put two -1/-1 counters on it.
3 — Six-Sided Die deals 3 damage to it and you gain 3 life.
4 — It gets -4/-4 until end of turn.
5 — Destroy it.
6 — Exile it.

Subcontract

A person outside the game looks at target opponent's hand and chooses a nonland card from it. That player discards that card.

Goblin Tutor

Roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, Goblin Tutor has no effect. Otherwise, search your library for the indicated card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.
2 — A card named Goblin Tutor
3 — An enchantment
4 — An artifact
5 — A creature
6 — An instant or sorcery

Super-Duper Death Ray

Trample (This spell can deal excess damage to its target's controller.)
Super-Duper Death Ray deals 4 damage to target creature.

Inhumaniac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or 4, put a +1/+1 counter on Inhumaniac. On a 5 or higher, put two +1/+1 counters on it. On a 1, remove all +1/+1 counters from Inhumaniac.

Ricochet

Whenever a player casts a spell that targets a single player, each player rolls a six-sided die. Change the target of that spell to the player with the lowest result. Reroll to break ties, if necessary.

"Rumors of My Death . . ."

{3}{B}, Exile a permanent you control with a League of Dastardly Doom watermark: Return a permanent card with a League of Dastardly Doom watermark from your graveyard to the battlefield.

Urza's Science Fair Project

{2}: Roll a six-sided die. Urza's Science Fair Project gets the indicated result.
1 — It gets -2/-2 until end of turn.
2 — Prevent all combat damage it would deal this turn.
3 — It gains vigilance until end of turn.
4 — It gains first strike until end of turn.
5 — It gains flying until end of turn.
6 — It gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

Discourtesy Clerk

When Discourtesy Clerk enters, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
At the beginning of your end step, if you control three or more Attractions, you draw a card and you lose 1 life.