Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

An Incident Has Occurred

Choose one or both —
• Destroy target creature with flying.
• Destroy target Attraction. (It's put into its owner's junkyard.)
You may apologize. If you do, you gain 3 life.

Little Girl

Forest

Mother of Goons

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

Sandsteppe Citadel

Sandsteppe Citadel enters tapped.
{T}: Add {W}, {B}, or {G}.

Creature Guy

Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Avatar of Me

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Canopy Vista

({T}: Add {G} or {W}.)
Canopy Vista enters tapped unless you control two or more basic lands.

It Came from Planet Glurg

You may have It Came from Planet Glurg enter as a copy of X different creatures on the battlefield. (It has their total power, total toughness, combined mana costs, all text boxes, names, art, and so on.)

Elvish Impersonators

As Elvish Impersonators enters, roll a six-sided die twice. Its base power becomes the first result and its base toughness becomes the second result.

Clam-I-Am

If you roll a 3 on a six-sided die, you may reroll that die.

Chittering Doom

Whenever you roll a 4 or higher on a die, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Scissors Lizard

Creatures named Paper Tiger can't attack or block.

Despondent Killbot

Infernius Spawnington III, Esq.

Flying, first strike, trample, haste
This spell costs {3} less to cast for each card you've revealed this turn.
When Infernius Spawnington III, Esq. enters, you may say "I'm here." If you do, it deals 3 damage to target player.

Border Guardian

Whenever you cast a silver-bordered spell, put a +1/+1 counter on Border Guardian.
Whenever you cast a black-bordered spell, Border Guardian can't be blocked this turn.
Whenever you cast a white-bordered spell, Border Guardian gains double strike until end of turn.

Enraged Killbot

Delighted Killbot

Silas Renn, Seeker Adept

Deathtouch
Whenever Silas Renn, Seeker Adept deals combat damage to a player, choose target artifact card in your graveyard. You may cast that card this turn.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)

Phone a Friend

Call someone and ask them to choose one. If they don't answer, an opponent chooses one. (Don't explain anything else. You choose targets.)
• A — Gain control of target creature you don't control.
• B — Choose target creature you control. Create two tokens that are each copies of it.
• C — Take an extra turn after this one.
• D — Draw seven cards.

Paper Tiger

Creatures named Rock Lobster can't attack or block.

Exotic Orchard

{T}: Add one mana of any color that a land an opponent controls could produce.

Blufferfish

{3}{U}: An opponent tells you a statement about themselves and secretly notes whether it's true or false. You guess which it is. If you guessed correctly, Blufferfish gets +2/+0 and can't be blocked this turn.

Urza's Science Fair Project

{2}: Roll a six-sided die. Urza's Science Fair Project gets the indicated result.
1 — It gets -2/-2 until end of turn.
2 — Prevent all combat damage it would deal this turn.
3 — It gains vigilance until end of turn.
4 — It gains first strike until end of turn.
5 — It gains flying until end of turn.
6 — It gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

Sidar Kondo of Jamuraa

Flanking (Whenever a creature without flanking blocks this creature, the blocking creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn.)
Creatures your opponents control without flying or reach can't block creatures with power 2 or less.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)

Syr Cadian, Knight Owl

Knightlifelink (Damage dealt by Knights you control also causes you to gain that much life.)
{W}: Syr Cadian, Knight Owl gains vigilance until end of turn. Activate only from sunrise to sunset.
{B}: Syr Cadian, Knight Owl gains flying until end of turn. Activate only from sunset to sunrise.

Ineffable Blessing

As Ineffable Blessing enters, choose Flavorful or Bland.
• Flavorful — Whenever a creature with flavor text enters under your control, draw a card.
• Bland — Whenever a creature without flavor text enters under your control, draw a card.

Atomwheel Acrobats

Whenever you roll a 1 or 2, put that many +1/+1 counters on Atomwheel Acrobats.
{2}{G}: Roll a six-sided die.

Opulent Palace

Opulent Palace enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B}, {G}, or {U}.

Plains

Chicken à la King

Whenever a 6 is rolled on a six-sided die, put a +1/+1 counter on each Bird. (You may roll dice only when instructed to.)
Tap an untapped Bird you control: Roll a six-sided die. (Like now.)

Clambassadors

Whenever Clambassadors deals damage to a player, choose an artifact, creature, or land you control. That player gains control of that permanent.

Clay Pigeon

Flying
{1}, Throw Clay Pigeon into the air at least two feet above your head while seated: If you catch Clay Pigeon with one hand, prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to you this turn and tap Clay Pigeon. Otherwise, sacrifice it.

Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike
{1}{B}, Reveal Infernal Spawn of Evil from your hand, Say "It's coming!": Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 1 damage to target opponent or planeswalker. Activate only during your upkeep and only once each turn.

Fat Ass

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Rings a Bell

As Rings a Bell enters, choose a word with four or more letters.
After you say the chosen word for the first time each turn, an opponent may ring or imitate a bell within five seconds. When no opponent does, draw a card.

Wordmail

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

Alpha Guard

When Alpha Guard enters, choose a letter.
{T}: Untap another target permanent whose name starts with the chosen letter.

Question Elemental?

Did you know this creature has flying?
Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of Question Elemental?

Rock Lobster

Creatures named Scissors Lizard can't attack or block.

Sex Appeal

Prevent the next 3 damage that would be dealt this turn to any number of targets, divided as you choose. If there are more people in the room of a different gender than you are as you cast this spell, prevent the next 6 damage this way instead.

Seaside Citadel

Seaside Citadel enters tapped.
{T}: Add {G}, {W}, or {U}.

Look at Me, I'm the DCI

Ban a card other than a basic land card for the rest of the match. (All cards with that name in any zone or sideboard are removed from the match.)

Earl of Squirrel

Squirrellink (Damage dealt by this creature also causes you to create that many 1/1 green Squirrel creature tokens.)
Creature tokens you control are Squirrels in addition to their other creature types.
Other Squirrels you control get +1/+1.

Censorship

As Censorship enters, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

Kill! Destroy!

Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

Spirit of the Season

When Spirit of the Season enters, it gains haste if it's summer. Put a +1/+1 counter on it if it's autumn. You gain 5 life if it's winter. If it's spring, search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Staying Power

"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Blurry Beeble

Blurry (This creature can be blocked only if defending player was wearing glasses as it was cast.)
Whenever Blurry Beeble deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Beast in Show

Graveyard Busybody

All graveyards are also your graveyards.
Graveyard Busybody's power and toughness are each equal to the number of cards with flavor text in your graveyards.

Swamp

Island

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike, trample
Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay {1}{B}, reveal Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil from your library and say "I'm coming, too!" If you do, Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

Curious Killbot

Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

D00-DL, Caricaturist

When D00-DL, Caricaturist enters, create a 4/4 colorless Sketch creature token, which you have fifteen seconds to draw. The token has flying if it has wings in its art. The same is true for first strike and a sword, vigilance and a shield, menace and mean eyes, trample and horns, deathtouch and claws, lifelink and fangs, and haste and footwear.

_____

{1}: This card's name becomes the card name of your choice. Activate anywhere, anytime.

Arcane Sanctum

Arcane Sanctum enters tapped.
{T}: Add {W}, {U}, or {B}.

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Fraction Jackson

{G}, {T}: Return target card with a ½ on it from your graveyard to your hand.

B-I-N-G-O

Trample
Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Keeper of the Sacred Word

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Selfie Preservation

Search your library for a basic land card and reveal it. If there's a tree in its art, put it onto the battlefield tapped. Otherwise, put it into your hand. Then shuffle.

Miss Demeanor

Flying, first strike
At the beginning of each other player's upkeep, you may compliment that player on their game play. If you don't, sacrifice Miss Demeanor.

Charm School

As Charm School enters, choose a color and balance Charm School on your head.
Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you by sources of the chosen color.
When Charm School falls off your head, sacrifice Charm School.