Quicksilver Amulet

{4}, {T}: You may put a creature card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Censorship

As Censorship enters, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Johnny, Combo Player

{4}: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.

Orzhov Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {W} or {B}.

Dimir Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {U} or {B}.

Clown Car

When Clown Car enters, roll X six-sided dice. For each odd result, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token. For each even result, put a +1/+1 counter on Clown Car.
Crew 2

Atinlay Igpay

Oubleday ikestray
Enwhay ouyay eakspay ay onnay-igpay-atinlay ordway, acrificesay Atinlay Igpay.

Wordmail

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

Rocket-Powered Turbo Slug

Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))

Meddling Kids

As Meddling Kids enters, choose a word with four or more letters.
Spells with the chosen word in their text box can't be cast.

Gleemax

You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.

Mox Lotus

{T}: Add {∞}.
{100}: Add one mana of any color.

Boros Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {R} or {W}.

S.N.O.T.

You may have S.N.O.T. enter stuck to another creature named S.N.O.T. If you do, all those creatures form a single creature.
S.N.O.T.'s power and toughness are each equal to the square of the number of cards named S.N.O.T. stuck together to form it. (One is a 1/1, two are a 4/4, three are a 9/9, and four are a 16/16. If you manage to get -1 S.N.O.T.s stuck together, it's a 1/1.)

Look at Me, I'm R&D

As Look at Me, I'm R&D comes into play, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than that number.
All instances of the first chosen number on permanents, spells, and cards in any zone are the second chosen number.

Infinity Elemental

R&D's Secret Lair

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.
{T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

Chamber Sentry

Chamber Sentry enters with a +1/+1 counter on it for each color of mana spent to cast it.
{X}, {T}, Remove X +1/+1 counters from Chamber Sentry: It deals X damage to any target.
{W}{U}{B}{R}{G}: Return Chamber Sentry from your graveyard to your hand.

Split Screen

When Split Screen enters, shuffle your library and deal it into four libraries. If anything refers to your library, choose one of your libraries for it.
Play with your libraries' top cards revealed.
When Split Screen leaves the battlefield, shuffle your libraries together.

Azorius Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {W} or {U}.

Gruul Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {R} or {G}.

Savage Lands

Savage Lands enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B}, {R}, or {G}.

Emcee

Whenever another creature enters, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

Extremely Slow Zombie

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)

Little Girl

City of Ass

City of Ass enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Toy Boat

Cumulative upkeep—Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on Toy Boat, then sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each age counter on it—without pausing between or fumbling it.)

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

Izzet Guildgate

Izzet Guildgate enters tapped.
{T}: Add {U} or {R}.

Crystal Quarry

{T}: Add {C}.
{5}, {T}: Add {W}{U}{B}{R}{G}.

Rules Lawyer

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

Standing Army

As long as you're standing, Standing Army has vigilance.

Copper Gnomes

{4}, Sacrifice Copper Gnomes: You may put an artifact card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Red-Hot Hottie

Whenever Red-Hot Hottie deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."

Stone-Cold Basilisk

Whenever Stone-Cold Basilisk blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.)
Whenever an opponent reads Stone-Cold Basilisk, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.

Jungle Shrine

Jungle Shrine enters tapped.
{T}: Add {R}, {G}, or {W}.

Black Lotus

{T}, Sacrifice Black Lotus: Add three mana of any one color.

Togglodyte

Togglodyte enters turned on.
Whenever a player casts a spell, toggle Togglodyte's ON/OFF switch.
As long as Togglodyte is turned off, it can't attack or block, and prevent all damage it would deal.

Richard Garfield, Ph.D.

You may play cards as though they were other cards of your choice with the same mana cost. You can't choose the same card twice. (Mana cost includes color.)

Arcane Sanctum

Arcane Sanctum enters tapped.
{T}: Add {W}, {U}, or {B}.

Master Transmuter

{U}, {T}, Return an artifact you control to its owner's hand: You may put an artifact card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Selesnya Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {G} or {W}.

Simic Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {G} or {U}.

Persecute Artist

Choose an artist other than Rebecca Guay. Target player reveals their hand and discards all nonland cards with art by the chosen artist.

Now I Know My ABC's

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

Golgari Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B} or {G}.

Cheap Ass

Ancestral Recall

Old Fogey

Phasing, cumulative upkeep {1}, echo {G}{G}, fading 3, bands with other Dinosaurs, protection from Homarids, snow-covered plainswalk, flanking, rampage 2

Frontier Bivouac

Frontier Bivouac enters tapped.
{T}: Add {G}, {U}, or {R}.

Face to Face

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Rakdos Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Look at Me, I'm the DCI

Ban a card other than a basic land card for the rest of the match. (All cards with that name in any zone or sideboard are removed from the match.)

Mystic Monastery

Mystic Monastery enters tapped.
{T}: Add {U}, {R}, or {W}.

Bosom Buddy

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

Avatar of Me

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Question Elemental?

Did you know this creature has flying?
Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of Question Elemental?