R&D's Secret Lair

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.
{T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

Priority Avenger

Flying
Players can't cast instant spells unless a spell or ability is on the stack.

Ticket Turbotubes

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{3}, {T}: You get {TK} (a ticket counter).

Avacyn's Collar, the Symbol of Her Church

Equipped creature can't attack, block, or transform, and its activated abilities can't be activated.
Shackle {3} ({3}: Attach to target creature you don't control. Shackle only as a sorcery.)

Champion of the Hareish

Buddy list (As this creature enters, if any of its creature types isn't on your buddy list, write one of them on your buddy list.)
Whenever another creature enters the battlefield under your control, put a +1/+1 counter on Champion of the Hareish if one of that creature's creature types is on your buddy list. Otherwise, write one of its creature types on your buddy list.

Arcanum Things

Equipped creature has flying.
Equip {2}
Equipment swap {2}{W} ({2}{W}: Exchange this Equipment with an Equipment card in your hand. If this Equipment was attached to a creature, attach the new Equipment to that creature.)

Plains

Masako the Humorless

Flash
Tapped creatures you control can block as though they were untapped.

Pin Collection

When this Equipment enters, you may put an ability sticker with ticket cost X or less on it without paying that sticker's ticket cost.
Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has all abilities of ability stickers on this Equipment.
Equip {2}

Lantern of Undersight

You draw cards from the bottom of your library instead of the top of your library.

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Emcee

Whenever another creature enters, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

Only the Best

Return target Booster Fun card from your graveyard to your hand.

Collectigull

Flying, protection from common
Whenever Collectigull attacks, reveal the top card of your library. If it's a Booster Fun card, you may put it into your hand.

Collectigull // Only the Best

GO TO JAIL

When this enchantment enters, exile target creature an opponent controls until this enchantment leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice this enchantment.

Metagamer

Cards in the winning deck(s) of the latest Mythic Championship cost {1} more to cast.

Complaints Clerk

When this creature enters, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
Whenever you roll a 1, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.

Barry's Land

Knight in _____ Armor

First strike
As this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on it.
This creature has protection from names that start with the same letter as a name sticker on it.

Ticketomaton

When Ticketomaton enters, you get {TK}, then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.

Form of the Approach of the Second Sun

When this enchantment enters, you gain 7 life. You become a card until you leave your library or that library is shuffled. Put yourself seventh from the top, balancing the cards on top of you on your head.
When you draw yourself, you win the game.
When one or more cards fall off your head, exile them and all cards on your head, then sacrifice this enchantment.

Jackknight

Whenever another artifact you control enters, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature. If that artifact is a Contraption, this creature gains lifelink until end of turn.

Rules Lawyer

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

Main Event Horizon

As an additional cost to cast this spell, choose A through M or N through Z.
Destroy each creature whose name begins with a letter in the chosen range.

Plain Walker

Plainswalk
Planeswalkerwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player controls a planeswalker.)
Whenever Plain Walker deals combat damage to a player or planeswalker, planeswalk. (If you're playing Planechase, proceed to the next plane.)

Omnipresent Impostor

Changeling
Omnipresent Impostor has all card names.
As you search your library for one or more cards, you may choose Omnipresent Impostor as one of those cards. (For example, if you search for two land cards, you may find Omnipresent Impostor and a land card.)

Robo-Piñata

When Robo-Piñata dies, choose one —
• You get {TK}{TK}.
• You may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.

Now You See Me . . .

Exile target creature you control, then return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with X +1/+1 counters on it, where X is the number of mirrors on walls you can see from your seat.

Clock of DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

{4}, {T}: Move the CRANK! counter to your Contraption deck's next sprocket and crank any number of that sprocket's Contraptions.

Emeria, the Sky Ruin

This land enters tapped.
At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control seven or more Plains, you may return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield.
{T}: Add {W}.

_____ Bird Gets the Worm

Flying
When this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on it. You gain X life, where X is the number of unique vowels on that sticker. (The vowels are A, E, I, O, U, and Y.)

Five Kids in a Trenchcoat

Five Kids in a Trenchcoat counts as five creatures for spells and effects that count the number of creatures you control.

Katerina of Myra's Marvels

As Katerina of Myra's Marvels enters, choose a letter.
Whenever you cast a spell whose name begins with the chosen letter, create a white 2/2 Cat creature token with flying.
Partner (You can have two commanders if they both have partner.)

Rift

Before drawing your hand, you may start the game with Rift in your opening hand. If you do, draw one fewer card. (Mulligans continue as normal.)
Rift enters tapped.
{T}: Add {C}.

Mirrored Lotus

Reflect {0} (As this enters, each opponent may pay {0}. When they do, they create a token copy of this except it lacks this ability.)
{T}, Exile Mirrored Lotus: Add three mana of any one color.

Standard Procedure

{1}, Reveal Standard Procedure from your hand: Choose an instant or sorcery card with mana value 3 or less currently legal in the Standard format. Standard Procedure becomes that card until end of turn.

Frontier Explorer

{3}, {T}: Until end of turn, you may play one basic Plains card from outside the game.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice this artifact.

Tax Taker

Whenever an opponent pays a tax from a spell or permanent you control, create a number of Treasure tokens equal to the amount of mana they paid. (This happens each time a spell you control or an ability of a permanent you control causes an opponent to pay extra mana. Cards that can tax opponents include Mana Tithe, Esper Sentinel, and Ghostly Prison.)

Park Bleater

Whenever another creature you own enters, you get {TK}.
{W}, {T}: You may put a sticker on a creature you own that entered this turn.

T.A.P.P.E.R.

{T}, Tap an untapped creature you control that has a hat: Tap target creature.

Circle of Protection: Art

As this enchantment enters, choose an artist.
{1}{W}: The next time a source of your choice with art by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.
{1}{W}: Return this enchantment to its owner's hand.

Riveting Rigger

When this creature enters, you may sacrifice another artifact. If you do, put two +1/+1 counters on this creature and it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Abbot of the Sacred Meeple

Sinecure (This creature can occupy a space two spaces higher on the Monk Track than its power.)
Once on each of your odd-numbered (beige) production phases, you may spend two additional sheep when constructing a building. If you do, you may activate the lesser production ability of any building of prestige 5 or lower you control. Exceptions: Apiary, Cobbler (but not Shoemaker), Wainwright.

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Flavor Judge

{T}: Choose target spell or ability that targets a permanent you control. Then ask a person outside the game if the story of what will happen makes sense. If they say no, sacrifice this creature and counter that spell or ability.

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if this card is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return this artifact to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see this artifact.
{2}, Sacrifice this artifact: Destroy target attacking creature.

Springleaf Drum

{T}, Tap an untapped creature you control: Add one mana of any color.

Noble Ox

Flash
When Noble Ox enters the battlefield, all unblocked creatures attacking you become blocked by Noble Ox.
Noble Ox can block any number of creatures.

Gobsmacked

Enchant nonland permanent
As this Aura enters, choose a person outside the game.
As long as you can see the chosen person from your seat, enchanted permanent can't attack or block, and its activated abilities can't be activated.

Unicycle

First strike, haste
Equipped creature has first strike and haste.
Equip {1}
Crew 1

_____ _____ Rocketship

Flying
When this Vehicle enters, you may put up to two name stickers on it.
Whenever this Vehicle attacks, choose a letter. This Vehicle gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each name sticker on it that begins with the chosen letter.
Crew 2

Wicker Picker

Creature spells you cast have sticker kicker {1}. (You may pay an additional {1} as you cast a creature spell. If you do, you get {TK}, then you may put a sticker on it.)

Clown Car

When this Vehicle enters, roll X six-sided dice. For each odd result, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token. For each even result, put a +1/+1 counter on this Vehicle.
Crew 2

A Good Day to Pie

Tap up to two target creatures.
Whenever you put a name sticker on a creature, you may return this card from your graveyard to your hand.

Surprise Party

When this enchantment enters, yell "Surprise!" and put onto the battlefield any number of printed Clown Robot tokens that aren't touching each other, that you hid on the battlefield before you cast this enchantment, and that weren't spotted by an opponent before you cast this enchantment.
Robots you control get +1/+0 and have vigilance.

Get Your Head in the Game

Flash
When this enchantment enters, exile target nonland permanent until it (this card) leaves the battlefield, then touch it (this card) to your head. When it (this card) stops touching it (your head), sacrifice it (the card, not your head).

Jeskai Baller

When you cast this spell, create a 1/1 white Athlete creature token.
Rebound (If you cast this spell from your hand, exile it as it resolves. At the beginning of your next upkeep, you may cast this card from exile without paying its mana cost.)

Knight of Lost Causes

Vigilance
As long as you are way behind, Knight of Lost Causes gets +3/+3 and has indestructible. (You are way behind if, at any point during this turn, an opponent had 10 or more life than you, controlled at least three more creatures than you, or had at least three more cards in hand than you.)

Solaflora, Intergalactic Icon

Auras and Equipment you control attached to Solaflora, Intergalactic Icon affect other creatures you control as though those Auras and Equipment were attached to them.
Counters and stickers on Solaflora affect other creatures you control as though those counters and stickers were on them.

Knight of the Kitchen Sink

First strike, protection from black borders (Nothing with a black border can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Castle Ardenvale

This land enters tapped unless you control a Plains.
{T}: Add {W}.
{2}{W}{W}, {T}: Create a 1/1 white Human creature token.

Luxior, Ignited

Equipped creature gets +1/+1 for each counter on Luxior, Ignited.
+1: Attach this Equipment to up to one target creature you control.
−2: Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and gains double strike until end of turn.

Split Screen

When this artifact enters, shuffle your library and deal it into four libraries. If anything refers to your library, choose one of your libraries for it.
Play with your libraries' top cards revealed.
When this artifact leaves the battlefield, shuffle your libraries together.

Draconian Gate-Bot

When this creature enters, choose one —
• Open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
• Destroy target Attraction. (It's put into its owner's junkyard.)

Old Guard

{W}, {T}: Tap target creature without reminder text. (Reminder text is still any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

War Room

{T}: Add {C}.
{3}, {T}, Pay life equal to the number of colors in your commanders' color identity: Draw a card.

Wordmail

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

Aerialephant

Flying
When Aerialephant enters, you get {TK}, then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.

Oddly Uneven

Choose one —
• Destroy each creature with an odd number of words in its name. (Hyphenated words are one word.)
• Destroy each creature with an even number of words in its name.

Ashnod's Coupon

{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.

Amateur Auteur

Sacrifice this creature: Destroy target enchantment.

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Knight of the Hokey Pokey

First strike
{1}{W}, Do the Hokey Pokey: Prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to this creature this turn. (To do the Hokey Pokey, choose an arm, a leg, or your whole self and put it in. Put it out. Put it in. Shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey! Turn yourself around.)