Surgeon General Commander

Whenever you augment, enchant, or mutate a creature you control, draw a card.
{T}: Add {W}, {U}, {B}, {R}, or {G}.

Bat-

Flying
At the beginning of each end step, if an opponent lost 3 or more life this turn,
Augment {1}{B} ({1}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Half-Kitten, Half-

Whenever you're dealt damage,
Augment {2}{W} ({2}{W}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Half-Orc, Half-

Trample
At the beginning of each end step, if an opponent was dealt damage this turn,
Augment {1}{R}{R} ({1}{R}{R}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Half-Shark, Half-

At the beginning of your upkeep,
Augment {5}{U} ({5}{U}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Half-Squirrel, Half-

Whenever a nontoken creature enters,
Augment {G} ({G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Humming-

Flying
Whenever you attack with two or more creatures,
Augment {3}{W} ({3}{W}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Monkey-

Whenever a nontoken creature you control dies,
Augment {2}{G} ({2}{G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Ninja

You may activate Ninja's augment ability any time you could cast an instant.
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player,
Augment {2}{B} ({2}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as—oh, never mind.)

Clever Combo

Search your library for a host card or a card with augment, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Dr. Julius Jumblemorph

Dr. Julius Jumblemorph is every creature type (even if this card isn't on the battlefield).
Whenever a host you control enters, you may search your library and/or graveyard for a card with augment and combine it with that host. If you search your library this way, shuffle.

Really Epic Punch

Target creature you control gets +2/+2 if it's a host or has augment. Then it fights target creature you don't control.

Rhino-

Whenever this creature blocks,
Augment {3}{W} ({3}{W}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Serpentine

Landfall — Whenever a land you control enters,
Augment {2}{G} ({2}{G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Steam-Powered

{5}:
Augment {4} ({4}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Success!

Target creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn. If it's a host or has augment, it gains lifelink until end of turn.

Teacher's Pet

{2}{W}, Sacrifice Teacher's Pet: Search your library for a card with augment, combine it with target host you control, then shuffle.

Zombified

{4}{B}: Combine Zombified from your graveyard with target host.
{2}{B}, Exile a creature card from your graveyard:
Augment {4}{B} ({4}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Adorable Kitten

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. You gain life equal to the result.

Angelic Rocket

Flying
When this creature enters, you may destroy target nonland permanent.

Big Boa Constrictor

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Target opponent loses life equal to the result.

Bumbling Pangolin

When this creature enters, you may destroy target artifact.

Common Iguana

When this creature enters, you may discard a card. If you do, draw a card.

Dirty Rat

When this creature enters, target opponent discards a card.

Eager Beaver

When this creature enters, you may untap target permanent.

Feisty Stegosaurus

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. This creature deals damage equal to the result to target creature an opponent controls.

Gnome-Made Engine

When this creature enters, create a 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature token.

Labro Bot

When this creature enters, return target host card or card with augment from your graveyard to your hand.

Mer Man

When this creature enters, you may draw a card.

Mother Kangaroo

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Put a number of +1/+1 counters on this creature equal to the result.

Numbing Jellyfish

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Target player mills X cards, where X is the result.

Shaggy Camel

When this creature enters, creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.

Stinging Scorpion

When this creature enters, target creature an opponent controls gets -1/-1 until end of turn.

Strutting Turkey

When this creature enters,
exile target creature card with mana value 2 or less from your graveyard. If it has augment, combine it with a host you control. Otherwise, put it onto the battlefield.

Voracious Vacuum

When this creature enters, put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.

Wild Crocodile

When this creature enters, search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

The Big Top

{T}: Add one mana of any color that appears on your top. (A top is an outerwear garment worn on the upper body.)

Underdome

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

Urza's Fun House

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {∞}. Activate only once and only if you control an Urza's Mine, an Urza's Power-Plant, and an Urza's Tower.
{7}, {T}: Head to AskUrza.com and click Urza's Fun House.

Nearby Planet

Rangeling (This card is every land type, including Plains, Island, Swamp, Mountain, Forest, Desert, Gate, Lair, Locus, and all those Urza's ones.)
Nearby Planet enters tapped.
When Nearby Planet enters, sacrifice it unless you pay {1}.

Ashnod's Coupon

{T}, Sacrifice Ashnod's Coupon: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

Carnivorous Death-Parrot

Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.
{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

Eye to Eye

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

Face to Face

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

GO TO JAIL

When GO TO JAIL enters, exile target creature an opponent controls until GO TO JAIL leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice GO TO JAIL.

Jack-in-the-Mox

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect.
1 — Sacrifice Jack-in-the-Mox and you lose 5 life.
2 — Add {W}.
3 — Add {U}.
4 — Add {B}.
5 — Add {R}.
6 — Add {G}.

Ladies' Knight

Flying
Spells cast by players wearing at least one item of women's clothing cost {1} less to cast. (You can define women's clothing as you see fit. Be reasonable.)

Land Aid '04

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.

Letter Bomb

When Letter Bomb enters, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw Letter Bomb. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Mana Screw

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

Mox Lotus

{T}: Add {∞}.
{100}: Add one mana of any color.

Once More with Feeling

Exile all permanents and all cards from all graveyards. Each player shuffles their hand into their library, then draws seven cards. Each player's life total becomes 10. Exile Once More with Feeling.
DCI ruling — A deck can have only one card named Once More with Feeling.

R&D's Secret Lair

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.
{T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

Hazmat Suit (Used)

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace.
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

Wordmail

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

Loose Lips

Enchant creature
As Loose Lips enters, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

Aggressive Crag

At the beginning of your combat step, tap Aggressive Crag.
{T}: Add {R} or {W}.

Domesticated Watercourse

Domesticated Watercourse enters tapped.
{T}: Add {U} or {B}.
{U}{B}: Until end of turn, Domesticated Watercourse becomes an Equipment artifact with equip {2}.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, draw a card.

Enchanted Prairie

Enchanted Prairie enters tapped.
{T}: Add {W} or {U}.

Gold Mine

{T}: Add {C}.
Legacy — {T}, Mark one of Gold Mine's unmarked nodes: Add one mana of any color.
☐, ☐, ☐, ☐, ☐

Noxious Bayou

{T}: Add {B} or {G}. You get a poison counter.

Rift

Before drawing your hand, you may start the game with Rift in your opening hand. If you do, draw one fewer card. (Mulligans continue as normal.)
Rift enters tapped.
{T}: Add {C}.

Taiga Stadium

Taiga Stadium enters tapped unless you control a white, blue, or black permanent.
{T}: Add {R} or {G}.

Waste Land

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}, Sacrifice Waste Land: Destroy target nonbasic land. That land's controller creates a Wastes token. (It's a land with {T}: Add {C}.)

Krosan Adaptation

Enchant creature
Storm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each spell cast before it this turn. You may choose new targets for the copies. The copies enter as tokens.)
Enchanted creature gets +1/+0 and has vigilance.

Soulmates

Enchant two creatures
Enchanted creatures each get +1/+1 and have hexproof.
When one of the enchanted creatures dies, destroy the other.

Mountain

Plains

Forest

Island

Swamp

Urza, Academy Headmaster

+1: Head to AskUrza.com and click +1.
−1: Head to AskUrza.com and click -1.
−6: Head to AskUrza.com and click -6.

Fetching Garden

({T}: Add {G} or {W}.)
Fetching Garden enters the battlefield tapped if it was played from your hand.

Gobland

(Gobland isn't a spell, it's affected by summoning sickness, and it has "{T}: Add {R}.")
Gobland can't block.

Lazotep Archway

Lazotep Archway enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add {W} or {B}.
Eternalize {3}{W}{B} ({3}{W}{B}: Exile this card from your graveyard: Create a token that's a copy of it, except it's a 4/4 black Zombie creature and loses all other card types. Eternalize only as a sorcery. And don't forget it still enters tapped!)

Madlands

Madlands enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.
Madness {0} (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, play it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard. You can play a land only during your turn and only if you have an available land play remaining.)

Maestros' Totally Safe Hideout

Land casualty 2 (As this land enters, you may sacrifice a creature with power 2 or greater. If you do, create a token that's a copy of this land.)
Maestros' Totally Safe Hideout enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add {U}, {B}, or {R}.

Omenpath to Naya

Vanishing 4 (This land enters the battlefield with four time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter from it. When the last is removed, sacrifice it.)
{T}: Add {R}, {G}, or {W}.

Processing Plant

Processing Plant enters the battlefield tapped.
When Processing Plant enters the battlefield, you may put a card an opponent owns from exile into that player's graveyard. If you do, untap Processing Plant. Otherwise, exile the top card of each opponent's library.
{T}: Add {W}, {U}, {B}, or {C}.

Runed Terror

Instead of taking turns as normal, players take their phases sequentially. (For example, you take your beginning phase as the active player, then the next player in turn order becomes the active player and takes their beginning phase. After each player had a beginning phase, do the same for first main, combat phase, second main, ending phase, and then beginning phase again. If this creature leaves the battlefield, the active player continues their turn as normal.)

Slumbering Waterways

Slumbering Waterways enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add {G} or {U}.
Flying, vigilance, trample

The Heron Moon

{T}: Add {C}.
{1}, {T}: Exile the bottom card of target opponent's library.
Whenever one or more cards an opponent owns are put into exile, put a release counter on The Heron Moon. Then if it has thirteen or more release counters on it, sacrifice it and create a copy of Emrakul, the Promised End. Cast it without paying its mana cost.

Temur Elevator

Ascend (If you control ten or more permanents, you get the city's blessing for the rest of the game.)
{T}: Add {G}, {U}, or {R}. If you don't have the city's blessing, you lose 1 life.

Under-Construction Skyscraper

Level up {1} ({1}: Put a level counter on this. Level up only as a sorcery.)
{T}: Add {C}.
LEVEL 1-7
{T}: Add {W}, {B}, {G}, or {C}.
LEVEL 8+
{T}: Add {W}, {B}, {G}, or {C}. Scry 1.

Sex Appeal

Prevent the next 3 damage that would be dealt this turn to any number of targets, divided as you choose. If there are more people in the room of a different gender than you are as you cast this spell, prevent the next 6 damage this way instead.

Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.