Gerrymandering

Exile all lands. Give each player a number of those cards chosen at random equal to the number of those cards the player controlled. Each player returns those cards to the battlefield under their control.

Priority Boarding

Whenever you roll a die, you may reveal the top card of your library. Do this only once each turn. Whenever you reveal a card with mana value less than the result this way, you may exile it. If you do, you may play it this turn.

Urza's Hot Tub

{2}, Discard a card: Search your library for a card that shares a complete word in its name with the discarded card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Ground Pounder

{3}{G}: Roll a six-sided die. Ground Pounder gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.
Whenever you roll a 5 or higher on a die, Ground Pounder gains trample until end of turn.

Mox Lotus

{T}: Add {∞}.
{100}: Add one mana of any color.

Everythingamajig

Sacrifice a land: You gain 2 life.
Sacrifice a creature: Add {C}{C}.
{2}, Discard a card: Search your library for a card that shares a complete word in its name with the name of the discarded card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

City of Ass

City of Ass enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Sheep

Chicken Egg

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 6, sacrifice Chicken Egg and create a 4/4 red Giant Bird creature token.

Mana Flair

Add {R} for each nonland permanent with art by the artist of your choice.

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Painiac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. Painiac gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the result.

World-Bottling Kit

{5}, Sacrifice World-Bottling Kit: Choose a Magic set. Exile all permanents with that set's expansion symbol except for basic lands.

Cramped Bunker

At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, that player moves a permanent they control to touch Cramped Bunker and no other permanents. If the player can't, destroy each permanent they control that isn't touching Cramped Bunker, then sacrifice it.

Double Play

Choose another player. Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Squirrel Farm

{1}{G}: Reveal a card in your hand, covering the artist credit. Target opponent guesses the artist. If they guess wrong, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Flock of Rabid Sheep

Flip X coins. For each flip you win, create a 2/2 green Sheep creature token named Rabid Sheep.

Elvish Impersonators

As Elvish Impersonators enters, roll a six-sided die twice. Its base power becomes the first result and its base toughness becomes the second result.

Killer Cosplay

Whenever Killer Cosplay becomes attached to a creature, choose a creature card name with an identical mana cost. That creature becomes a copy of the card with the chosen name until Killer Cosplay becomes unattached from it.
Equip {3}

Mons's Goblin Waiters

Curse of the Fire Penguin Creature

Trample
When this creature dies, return Curse of the Fire Penguin to the battlefield.

Curse of the Fire Penguin

Enchant creature
Curse of the Fire Penguin consumes and confuses enchanted creature.

Curse of the Fire Penguin // Curse of the Fire Penguin Creature

Orcish Paratroopers

When Orcish Paratroopers enters, flip it from a height of at least one foot. Sacrifice Orcish Paratroopers unless it turns over completely at least once during the flip and lands face up.

Ol' Buzzbark

When Ol' Buzzbark enters, roll X six-sided dice onto the battlefield from a height of at least X inches. For each die, put a number of +1/+1 counters equal to the result on each creature you control that die is touching. For each die, Ol' Buzzbark deals damage equal to the result to each creature an opponent controls that die is touching.

Earl of Squirrel

Squirrellink (Damage dealt by this creature also causes you to create that many 1/1 green Squirrel creature tokens.)
Creature tokens you control are Squirrels in addition to their other creature types.
Other Squirrels you control get +1/+1.

Mana Screw

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

Three-Headed Goblin

Triple strike (This creature deals first-strike, regular, and last-strike combat damage.)

Chittering Doom

Whenever you roll a 4 or higher on a die, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Cardboard Carapace

Enchant creature
For each other card named Cardboard Carapace you have with you outside the game, enchanted creature gets +1/+1.

R&D's Secret Lair

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.
{T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

Blast from the Past

Madness {R}, cycling {1}{R}, kicker {2}{R}, flashback {3}{R}, buyback {4}{R}
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.

Squirrel

Hurloon Wrangler

Denimwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player is wearing denim.)

Hydradoodle

As Hydradoodle enters, roll X six-sided dice. Hydradoodle enters with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the total of those results.
Reach, trample

Goblin Bookie

{R}, {T}: Reflip any coin or reroll any die. (Activate only any time it makes sense.)

Strength-Testing Hammer

Whenever equipped creature attacks, roll a six-sided die. That creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the result. Then if it has the greatest power or is tied for greatest power among creatures on the battlefield, draw a card.
Equip {3}

"Ach! Hans, Run!"

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach! Hans, run! It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle

As Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle enters, you and an opponent each secretly choose Whack or Doodle. Then those choices are revealed. If the choices match, Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle has that ability. Otherwise, it has Buzz.
• Whack — {T}: Target player loses 2 life.
• Doodle — {T}: You gain 3 life.
• Buzz — {2}, {T}: Draw a card.

Spark Fiend

When Spark Fiend enters, roll two six-sided dice. If you rolled 2, 3, or 12, sacrifice Spark Fiend. If you rolled 7 or 11, don't roll dice for Spark Fiend during any of your following upkeeps. If you rolled any other total, note that total.
At the beginning of your upkeep, roll two six-sided dice. If you rolled 7, sacrifice Spark Fiend. If you roll the noted total, don't roll dice for Spark Fiend during any of your following upkeeps. Otherwise, do nothing.

Selfie Preservation

Search your library for a basic land card and reveal it. If there's a tree in its art, put it onto the battlefield tapped. Otherwise, put it into your hand. Then shuffle.

Ashnod's Coupon

{T}, Sacrifice Ashnod's Coupon: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.

Willing Test Subject

Reach
Whenever you roll a 4 or higher on a die, put a +1/+1 counter on Willing Test Subject.
{6}: Roll a six-sided die.

Burning Cinder Fury of Crimson Chaos Fire

Whenever any player taps a permanent, that player chooses one of their opponents. The chosen player gains control of that permanent at the beginning of the next end step.
At the beginning of each player's end step, if that player didn't tap any nonland permanents that turn, Burning Cinder Fury of Crimson Chaos Fire deals 3 damage to that player.

Goblin S.W.A.T. Team

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

Land Aid '04

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.

Mountain

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

Krark's Other Thumb

If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.

Goblin Tutor

Roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, Goblin Tutor has no effect. Otherwise, search your library for the indicated card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.
2 — A card named Goblin Tutor
3 — An enchantment
4 — An artifact
5 — A creature
6 — An instant or sorcery

Steel Squirrel

Whenever you roll a 5 or higher on a die, Steel Squirrel gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.
{6}: Roll a six-sided die.

Squirrel Dealer

When Squirrel Dealer enters, ask a person outside the game "Do you like Squirrels?" If they do, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Garbage Elemental

Cascade (When you cast this spell, exile cards from the top of your library until you exile a nonland card that costs less. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Put the exiled cards on the bottom in a random order.)
When Garbage Elemental enters, roll a six-sided die. Garbage Elemental deals damage equal to the result to target opponent or planeswalker.

Ineffable Blessing

As Ineffable Blessing enters, choose white-bordered or silver-bordered.
Whenever a creature you control with the chosen border enters, draw a card.

Name Dropping

Gotcha — If an opponent says a word that's in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return that card to your hand.

My First Tome

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Timmy, Power Gamer

{4}: You may put a creature card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Secret Base

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to cast a spell that shares a watermark with Secret Base.

Forest

Mad Science Fair Project

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or lower, target player adds {C}. Otherwise, that player adds one mana of any color they choose.

Super-Duper Death Ray

Trample (This spell can deal excess damage to its target's controller.)
Super-Duper Death Ray deals 4 damage to target creature.

Just Desserts

Just Desserts deals π damage to target creature. (π is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. (It's a smidgen more than 3.))

Growth Spurt

Roll a six-sided die. Target creature gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.

Giant Fan

{2}, {T}: Move a counter from one permanent onto another. If the second permanent refers to any kind of counter, the moved counter becomes one of those counters. Otherwise, it becomes a +1/+1 counter.

B-I-N-G-O

Trample
Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

Wild Crocodile

When this creature enters, search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

Dragon

As Luck Would Have It

Hexproof
Whenever you roll a die, put a number of luck counters on As Luck Would Have It equal to the result. Then if there are 100 or more luck counters on As Luck Would Have It, you win the game. (Count both rolls if you reroll a die.)

Graphic Violence

All creatures with art by the artist of your choice get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.

Underdome

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

Watermarket

{T}: Add {C}{C}. Spend this mana only to cast spells with watermarks.

Gus enters with a +1/+1 counter on it for each Magic game you have lost to one of your opponents since you last won a game against them.

Laughing Hyena

Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.

Ricochet

Whenever a player casts a spell that targets a single player, each player rolls a six-sided die. Change the target of that spell to the player with the lowest result. Reroll to break ties, if necessary.

Landfill

Choose a land type. Exile all lands you control of that type. Drop those cards, one at a time, onto the playing area from a height of at least one foot. Destroy each permanent completely covered by those cards. Then return the cards you dropped to the battlefield tapped.

Symbol Status

Create a 1/1 colorless Expansion-Symbol creature token for each different expansion symbol among permanents you control.

Remodel

If you control two or more green permanents that share an artist, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.
Exile target artifact.

The Big Top

{T}: Add one mana of any color that appears on your top. (A top is an outerwear garment worn on the upper body.)

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.
{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

Box of Free-Range Goblins

Roll a six-sided die. Create a number of 1/1 red Goblin creature tokens equal to the result.

Monkey Monkey Monkey

As Monkey Monkey Monkey enters, choose a letter.
Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.

Mine, Mine, Mine!

When Mine, Mine, Mine! enters, each player puts their library into their hand.
Players have no maximum hand size and don't lose the game for drawing from an empty library.
Each player can't cast more than one spell each turn.
When Mine, Mine, Mine! leaves the battlefield, each player shuffles their hand and graveyard into their library.