Xenosquirrels

This creature enters with two +1/+1 counters on it.
After you roll a die, you may remove a +1/+1 counter from this creature. If you do, increase or decrease the result by 1.

Turbo-Thwacking Auto-Hammer

Whenever you crank this Contraption, target creature gains double strike until end of turn.

Split Screen

When this artifact enters, shuffle your library and deal it into four libraries. If anything refers to your library, choose one of your libraries for it.
Play with your libraries' top cards revealed.
When this artifact leaves the battlefield, shuffle your libraries together.

Chittering Doom

Whenever you roll a 4 or higher on a die, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Molten Tributary

({T}: Add {U} or {R}.)
This land enters tapped.

Half-Squirrel, Half-

Whenever a nontoken creature enters,
Augment {G} ({G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Cliffgate

This land enters tapped.
As this land enters, choose a color other than red.
{T}: Add {R} or one mana of the chosen color.

Faerie Aerie

Whenever you crank this Contraption, create two 1/1 blue Faerie Spy creature tokens with flying, haste, and "Whenever this token deals combat damage to a player, draw a card." Exile them at the beginning of the next end step.

The Big Top

{T}: Add one mana of any color that appears on your top. (A top is an outerwear garment worn on the upper body.)

Steam-Powered

{5}:
Augment {4} ({4}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle

As this artifact enters, you and an opponent each secretly choose Whack or Doodle. Then those choices are revealed. If the choices match, this artifact has that ability. Otherwise, it has Buzz.
• Whack — {T}: Target player loses 2 life.
• Doodle — {T}: You gain 3 life.
• Buzz — {2}, {T}: Draw a card.

Targeting Rocket

Whenever you crank this Contraption, target creature blocks this turn if able.

Side Quest

Target player in an Un-game you can see from your seat gains control of target creature you control until your next turn. At the beginning of your next upkeep, put two +1/+1 counters on that creature. (A creature is on the battlefield of only the game its controller is playing.)

Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike
{1}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand, Say "It's coming": This card deals 1 damage to target opponent or planeswalker. Activate only during your upkeep and only once each turn.

Eelectrocute

Eelectrocute deals 2 damage to any target.
You may cast this card from your graveyard as long as you've rolled a 6 this turn. If you cast it this way and it would be put into your graveyard, exile it instead.

Dirty Rat

When this creature enters, target opponent discards a card.

Accessories to Murder

Whenever you crank this Contraption, target creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of creatures you control.

Blast from the Past

Madness {R}, cycling {1}{R}, kicker {2}{R}, flashback {3}{R}, buyback {4}{R}
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.

Punctuate

Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to half the number of punctuation marks in that creature's text box. (The punctuation marks are ! ? , ; : - — ( ) / " " ' ' & .)

Rock Lobster

Creatures named Scissors Lizard can't attack or block.

Inhumaniac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or 4, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature. On a 5 or higher, put two +1/+1 counters on it. On a 1, remove all +1/+1 counters from this creature.

Old-Fashioned Vampire

Flying
This creature gets +2/+2 and has deathtouch as long as it's dark outdoors.

Bamboozling Beeble

Protection from Robots
{1}, {T}: The next time target player would roll one or more dice this turn, instead they roll that many dice plus one and you choose one of those rolls to ignore.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Garbage Elemental

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)
Battalion — Whenever this creature and at least two other creatures attack, target creature can't block this turn.

Five-Finger Discount

Put target nonland permanent into your hand. You may spend mana as though it were mana of any color the next time you cast that card.

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Dictation Quillograph

Whenever you crank this Contraption, until end of turn, target creature gains "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card."

Vedalken Squirrel-Whacker

As this creature enters, roll a six-sided die twice. Its base power becomes the first result and its base toughness becomes the second result.
If you would roll one or more six-sided dice, instead roll them and you may exchange one result with this creature's base power or base toughness.

Suspicious Nanny

Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, it reassembles target Contraption that player controls. (Gain control of it and move it onto one of your sprockets.)

Half-Kitten, Half-

Whenever you're dealt damage,
Augment {2}{W} ({2}{W}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Paper Tiger

Creatures named Rock Lobster can't attack or block.

Graphic Violence

All creatures with art by the artist of your choice get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.

Atomwheel Acrobats

Whenever you roll a 1 or 2, put that many +1/+1 counters on this creature.
{2}{G}: Roll a six-sided die.

Beast in Show

Hurloon Wrangler

Denimwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player is wearing denim.)

Six-Sided Die

Choose target creature. Roll a six-sided die.
1 — It has base toughness 1 until end of turn.
2 — Put two -1/-1 counters on it.
3 — Six-Sided Die deals 3 damage to it and you gain 3 life.
4 — It gets -4/-4 until end of turn.
5 — Destroy it.
6 — Exile it.

Squirrel Dealer

When this creature enters, ask a person outside the game "Do you like Squirrels?" If they do, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Bumbling Pangolin

When this creature enters, you may destroy target artifact.

Lexivore

Whenever this creature deals damage to a player, destroy target permanent other than this creature with the most lines of text in its text box. (If two or more cards are tied, target any one of them.)

Voracious Vacuum

When this creature enters, put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.

Half-Shark, Half-

At the beginning of your upkeep,
Augment {5}{U} ({5}{U}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Phyrexian Librarian

Flying, trample
At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library and balance it on your body.
When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced card, sacrifice this creature.

Landfill

Choose a land type. Exile all lands you control of that type. Drop those cards, one at a time, onto the playing area from a height of at least one foot. Destroy each permanent completely covered by those cards. Then return the cards you dropped to the battlefield tapped.

Circuits Act

Roll three six-sided dice. For each different result, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.

Spelling Bee

Flying, deathtouch
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, that player looks at the top card of your library and chooses a word on that card. You spell that word. If you spell it correctly, draw a card. Otherwise, scry 1.

Squirrel-Powered Scheme

Increase the result of each die you roll by 2.

Clam-I-Am

If you roll a 3 on a six-sided die, you may reroll that die.

Mother of Goons

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice this creature unless you insult that creature.

Resolute Veggiesaur

Trample
Whenever you roll your third die each turn, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.

Dual Doomsuits

Whenever you crank this Contraption, each time a source you control would deal damage this turn, it deals double that damage instead.

Botanical Plaza

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {G} or {W}.
{2}{G}{W}, {T}, Sacrifice this land: Draw a card.

Boing!

Return target creature to its owner's hand, then roll a six-sided die. If the result is 3 or less, scry a number of cards equal to the result.

Jackknight

Whenever another artifact you control enters, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature. If that artifact is a Contraption, this creature gains lifelink until end of turn.

Pair o' Dice Lost

Roll two six-sided dice. Return any number of cards with total mana value X or less from your graveyard to your hand, where X is the total of those results. Exile Pair o' Dice Lost.

The Big Idea

{2}{B/R}{B/R}, {T}: Roll a six-sided die. Create a number of 1/1 red Brainiac creature tokens equal to the result.
Tap three untapped Brainiacs you control: The next time you would roll a six-sided die, instead roll two six-sided dice and use the total of those results.

Rhino-

Whenever this creature blocks,
Augment {3}{W} ({3}{W}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Fowl Play

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature loses all abilities and is a Bird creature with base power and toughness 1/1.

Steel Squirrel

Whenever you roll a 5 or higher on a die, this creature gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.
{6}: Roll a six-sided die.

Oddly Uneven

Choose one —
• Destroy each creature with an odd number of words in its name. (Hyphenated words are one word.)
• Destroy each creature with an even number of words in its name.

Temp of the Damned

As this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. This creature enters with a number of funk counters on it equal to the result.
At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a funk counter from this creature. If you can't, sacrifice it.

Priority Boarding

Whenever you roll a die, you may reveal the top card of your library. Do this only once each turn. Whenever you reveal a card with mana value less than the result this way, you may exile it. If you do, you may play it this turn.

Midlife Upgrade

As an additional cost to cast this spell, sacrifice X Contraptions.
Assemble X plus one Contraptions. (To assemble a Contraption, put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Mother Kangaroo

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Put a number of +1/+1 counters on this creature equal to the result.

The Grand Calcutron

When The Grand Calcutron enters, each player's hand becomes a program (an ordered row of revealed cards).
Players can play only the first card of their program.
If a card would be put into a player's hand from anywhere, that player reveals it and places it anywhere within their program instead.
At the beginning of each player's end step, if that player's program has fewer than five cards, they draw cards equal to the difference.
The Grand Calcutron can be your commander.

The Space Family Goblinson

The Space Family Goblinson has trample as long as you've rolled three or more dice this turn.
Whenever you roll a die, put a +1/+1 counter on The Space Family Goblinson.

Genetic Recombinator

Whenever you crank this Contraption, up to two target creatures each get +2/+2 until end of turn.

Dogsnail Engine

Whenever you crank this Contraption, target player gains life equal to the greatest power among creatures you control.

Racers' Ring

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {R} or {G}.
{2}{R}{G}, {T}, Sacrifice this land: Draw a card.

Monkey-

Whenever a nontoken creature you control dies,
Augment {2}{G} ({2}{G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Target Minotaur

Prowess (Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, this creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.)

Strength-Testing Hammer

Whenever equipped creature attacks, roll a six-sided die. That creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the result. Then if it has the greatest power or is tied for greatest power among creatures on the battlefield, draw a card.
Equip {3}

Inflation Station

Whenever you crank this Contraption, target creature gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Steamfloggery

Roll a six-sided die. Assemble a number of Contraptions equal to the result. (To assemble a Contraption, put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Sunlit Marsh

({T}: Add {W} or {B}.)
This land enters tapped.

Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike, trample
Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay {1}{B}, reveal this card from your library and say "I'm coming, too" If you do, this card deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

Clowning Around

Create two 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature tokens, then roll a six-sided die. If the result is equal to or less than the number of Robots you control, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.

Time Out

Roll a six-sided die. Put target nonland permanent into its owner's library just beneath the top X cards of that library, where X is the result.

Lorehold Campus

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {R} or {W}.
{4}, {T}: Scry 1.

Gift Horse

Whenever you crank this Contraption, roll two six-sided dice. Create a number of 1/1 red Goblin creature tokens equal to the difference between those results.

Labro Bot

When this creature enters, return target host card or card with augment from your graveyard to your hand.

Spy Eye

Flying
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card from that player's library.

Buzz Buggy

Whenever you crank this Contraption, target creature gets +2/+0 and gains trample until end of turn.

Big Boa Constrictor

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Target opponent loses life equal to the result.

Twiddlestick Charger

Whenever you crank this Contraption, tap or untap target creature.

Animate Graveyard

Enchant your graveyard
Enchanted graveyard is a creature on the battlefield with base power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It has the text boxes of all creature cards in it. It's still a graveyard.
If enchanted graveyard would leave the battlefield, instead exile this Aura.

Common Courtesy

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.
When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice this enchantment.

Very Cryptic Command

Choose two —
• Scry 3.
• Create a 2/2 black Rogue creature token with menace.
• Add or subtract 1 or one from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn.
• Return all artifacts target player controls to their owner's hand.

Novellamental

Flying
This creature can block only creatures with flying.

Teacher's Pet

{2}{W}, Sacrifice this creature: Search your library for a card with augment, combine it with target host you control, then shuffle.

Hard Hat Area

Whenever you crank this Contraption, roll two six-sided dice. This Contraption assembles a number of Contraptions equal to the difference between those results. (To assemble a Contraption, put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Half-Orc, Half-

Trample
At the beginning of each end step, if an opponent was dealt damage this turn,
Augment {1}{R}{R} ({1}{R}{R}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Tread Mill

Whenever you crank this Contraption, until end of turn, target creature gets +1/+2, gains vigilance, and becomes an artifact in addition to its other types.

Ashnod's Coupon

{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.

Alexander Clamilton

Whenever you cast a wordy spell, scry 2. (A spell is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)
{1}{R}, {T}: Choose target creature you don't control. Reveal the top card of your library. Alexander Clamilton gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of lines of rules text of the revealed card. Alexander Clamilton fights that creature.

Pie-roclasm

This creature deals π damage to each non-Clown creature. (How to calculate π isn't important. It's a smidgen more than 3.)

Omniclown Colossus

Affinity for Clowns (This spell costs {1} less to cast for each Clown you control.)
Trample

Omniclown Colossus // Pie-roclasm

Thriving Heath

This land enters tapped. As it enters, choose a color other than white.
{T}: Add {W} or one mana of the chosen color.

Busted!

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {X}, where X is the number of words in the name with the most words among permanents you control.

Assembled Ensemble

Vigilance
Assembled Ensemble's power is equal to the number of Robots you control.
Whenever you cast a spell with an artifact creature in its art, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.

Old Guard

{W}, {T}: Tap target creature without reminder text. (Reminder text is still any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)