66
6/19/2024
Absolute Bullshit
Deck Size: 100
Commander
Est deck cost: $1016.26
Salt sum: 16.45
No deck tags
66
6/19/2024
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Commander

Qty: 1 Price: $16.99
Esika, God of the Tree

Creature
Esika, God of the Tree // The Prismatic Bridge (khm) 168Esika, God of the Tree // The Prismatic Bridge (khm) 168

Commander

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Instant

Qty: 2 Price: $1.14
Sex Appeal

Prevent the next 3 damage that would be dealt this turn to any number of targets, divided as you choose. If there are more people in the room of a different gender than you are as you cast this spell, prevent the next 6 damage this way instead.

Instant
Sex Appeal (ugl) 13
Spell Counter

Counter target spell. Gotcha — If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.

Instant
Spell Counter (unh) 46

Instant

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Sorcery

Qty: 7 Price: $565.79
Enter the Dungeon

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

Sorcery
Enter the Dungeon (ulst) 19
Granny's Payback

You gain life equal to your age.

Sorcery
Granny's Payback (unh) 99
Look at Me, I'm the DCI

Ban a card other than a basic land card for the rest of the match. (All cards with that name in any zone or sideboard are removed from the match.)

Sorcery
Look at Me, I'm the DCI (und) 10
Nerf War

Fire a Nerf® blaster until empty at target library from at least two meters away. For each card knocked off that library, put it into its owner's graveyard and Nerf War deals ½ damage to that player. (Foam darts only.)

Sorcery
Nerf War (h17) 2
Shahrazad

Players play a Magic subgame, using their libraries as their decks. Each player who doesn't win the subgame loses half their life, rounded up.

Sorcery
Shahrazad (arn) 10
The Countdown Is at One

Players play a Magic subgame, starting at 1 life and using their libraries as their decks. For the rest of the main game, if a source would deal damage to a player who didn't win the subgame, it deals double that damage to that player instead.

Sorcery
The Countdown Is at One (ulst) 28
Tug of War

Players play a subgame starting at 5 life and with up to three permanent cards with different names from their main-game library on the battlefield. As the subgame ends, the winner chooses one of the cards they put onto the battlefield as the subgame began and puts it onto the battlefield rather than shuffling it into their library.

Sorcery
Tug of War (unf) 159

Sorcery

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Artifact

Qty: 8 Price: $72.02
Ashnod's Coupon

{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.

Artifact
Ashnod's Coupon (ugl) 69
Blacker Lotus

{T}: Tear this artifact into pieces. Add four mana of any one color. Remove the pieces from the game.

Artifact
Blacker Lotus (ugl) 70
Chaos Confetti

{4}, {T}: Tear this artifact into pieces. Throw the pieces onto the battlefield from a distance of at least five feet. Destroy each permanent that a piece touches. Remove the pieces from the game.

Artifact
Chaos Confetti (ugl) 72
Gleemax

You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.

Artifact
Gleemax (unh) 121
Letter Bomb

When this artifact enters, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw this card. When that player draws this card, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Artifact
Letter Bomb (unh) 122
Mox Lotus

{T}: Add {∞}. {100}: Add one mana of any color.

Artifact
Mox Lotus (unh) 124
Urza's Contact Lenses

This artifact enters tapped. This artifact doesn't untap during your untap step. As long as this artifact is untapped, all players play with their hands revealed. Clap your hands twice: You may tap or untap this artifact.

Artifact
Urza's Contact Lenses (ugl) 82
World-Bottling Kit

{5}, Sacrifice this artifact: Choose a Magic set. Exile all permanents with that set's expansion symbol except for basic lands.

Artifact
World-Bottling Kit (unh) 133

Artifact

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Land

Qty: 34 Price: $35.88
City of Ass

This land enters tapped. {T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Land
City of Ass (unh) 134
Evolving Wilds

{T}, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Land
Evolving Wilds (otc) 292
Forest

({T}: Add {G}.)

Land
Forest (otj) 285
Island

({T}: Add {U}.)

Land
Island (otj) 280
Mountain

({T}: Add {R}.)

Land
Mountain (otj) 283
Plains

({T}: Add {W}.)

Land
Plains (otj) 277
R&D's Secret Lair

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata. {T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

Land
R&D's Secret Lair (unh) 135
Swamp

({T}: Add {B}.)

Land
Swamp (mh3) 501
Terramorphic Expanse

{T}, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Land
Terramorphic Expanse (m3c) 394
Thriving Bluff

This land enters tapped. As it enters, choose a color other than red. {T}: Add {R} or one mana of the chosen color.

Land
Thriving Bluff (clu) 249
Thriving Grove

This land enters tapped. As it enters, choose a color other than green. {T}: Add {G} or one mana of the chosen color.

Land
Thriving Grove (clu) 250
Thriving Heath

This land enters tapped. As it enters, choose a color other than white. {T}: Add {W} or one mana of the chosen color.

Land
Thriving Heath (clu) 251
Thriving Isle

This land enters tapped. As it enters, choose a color other than blue. {T}: Add {U} or one mana of the chosen color.

Land
Thriving Isle (clu) 252
Thriving Moor

This land enters tapped. As it enters, choose a color other than black. {T}: Add {B} or one mana of the chosen color.

Land
Thriving Moor (clu) 253

Land

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Copy

Qty: 1 Price: $10.99
Krark's Thumb

If you would flip a coin, instead flip two coins and ignore one.

Artifact
Krark's Thumb (plst) MRD-190

Copy

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Planeswalker

Qty: 1 Price: $5.49
Urza, Academy Headmaster

+1: Head to AskUrza.com and click +1. −1: Head to AskUrza.com and click -1. −6: Head to AskUrza.com and click -6.

Planeswalker
Urza, Academy Headmaster (ust) 136

Planeswalker

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Creature

Qty: 24 Price: $43.88
Avatar of Me

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive. Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½. Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Creature
Avatar of Me (ulst) 12
B-I-N-G-O

Trample Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value. This creature gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

Creature
B-I-N-G-O (ulst) 34
B.F.M. (Big Furry Monster)

You must cast both B.F.M. cards to put leaves the battlefield, sacrifice the other. B.F.M. can't be blocked except by three or

Creature
B.F.M. (Big Furry Monster) (ugl) 28
B.F.M. (Big Furry Monster)

B.F.M. onto the battlefield. If one B.F.M. card more creatures.

Creature Scariest Ever See You'll
B.F.M. (Big Furry Monster) (ugl) 29
Blurry Beeble

Blurry (This creature can be blocked only if defending player was wearing glasses as it was cast.) Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.

Creature Artifact
Blurry Beeble (ust) 27
Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface. Flying

Creature
Cheatyface (und) 20
Clocknapper

When this creature enters, choose beginning phase, first main phase, combat phase, postcombat main phase, or ending phase. Steal that phase from target player during their next turn. (That phase occurs as though it's your turn instead.)

Creature
Clocknapper (ulst) 14
Flavor Judge

{T}: Choose target spell or ability that targets a permanent you control. Then ask a person outside the game if the story of what will happen makes sense. If they say no, sacrifice this creature and counter that spell or ability.

Creature
Flavor Judge (ulst) 3
Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Creature
Frankie Peanuts (ulst) 4
Goblin Mime

When you speak, sacrifice this creature.

Creature
Goblin Mime (unh) 78
Hurloon Wrangler

Denimwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player is wearing denim.)

Creature
Hurloon Wrangler (ugl) 46
Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike {1}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand, Say "It's coming": This card deals 1 damage to target opponent or planeswalker. Activate only during your upkeep and only once each turn.

Creature
Infernal Spawn of Evil (und) 38
Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike, trample Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay {1}{B}, reveal this card from your library and say "I'm coming, too" If you do, this card deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

Creature
Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil (ulst) 20
Infinity Elemental

(This creature has INFINITE POWER.)

Creature
Infinity Elemental (ulst) 29
Johnny, Combo Player

{4}: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.

Creature
Johnny, Combo Player (und) 23
Meddling Kids

As this creature enters, choose a word with four or more letters. Spells with the chosen word in their text box can't be cast.

Creature
Meddling Kids (unh) 118
Mother of Goons

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice this creature unless you insult that creature.

Creature
Mother of Goons (unh) 59
Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

Creature
Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental (unh) 107
Question Elemental?

Did you know this creature has flying? Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of this creature?

Creature
Question Elemental? (unh) 43
Richard Garfield, Ph.D.

You may play cards as though they were other cards of your choice with the same mana cost. You can't choose the same card twice. (Mana cost includes color.)

Creature
Richard Garfield, Ph.D. (ulst) 17
Rules Lawyer

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

Creature Artifact
Rules Lawyer (ulst) 7
Skull Saucer

Flying When this creature enters, destroy target creature and put your head on the table. Sacrifice this creature when your head stops touching the table.

Creature
Skull Saucer (und) 44
Stone-Cold Basilisk

Whenever this creature blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.) Whenever an opponent reads this creature, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.

Creature
Stone-Cold Basilisk (unh) 112
Timmy, Power Gamer

{4}: You may put a creature card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Creature
Timmy, Power Gamer (und) 73

Creature

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Ramp

Qty: 5 Price: $13.85
Chromatic Lantern

Lands you control have "{T}: Add one mana of any color." {T}: Add one mana of any color.

Artifact
Chromatic Lantern (otc) 255
Copper Gnomes

{4}, Sacrifice this creature: You may put an artifact card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Creature Artifact
Copper Gnomes (usg) 291
Fist of Suns

You may pay {W}{U}{B}{R}{G} rather than pay the mana cost for spells you cast.

Artifact
Fist of Suns (plst) C17-211
Jack-in-the-Mox

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect. 1 — Sacrifice this artifact and you lose 5 life. 2 — Add {W}. 3 — Add {U}. 4 — Add {B}. 5 — Add {R}. 6 — Add {G}.

Artifact
Jack-in-the-Mox (und) 78
Mana Screw

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

Artifact
Mana Screw (unh) 123

Ramp

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Enchantment

Qty: 11 Price: $245.41
"Ach! Hans, Run!"

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach! Hans, run! It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

Enchantment
"Ach! Hans, Run!" (unh) 116
Animate Library

Enchant your library Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library. If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile this Aura instead.

Enchantment
Animate Library (ulst) 11
Charm School

As this enchantment enters, choose a color and balance this enchantment on your head. Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you by sources of the chosen color. When this enchantment falls off your head, sacrifice this enchantment.

Enchantment
Charm School (ugl) 1
Farewell to Arms

As this enchantment enters, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm. When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice this enchantment. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

Enchantment
Farewell to Arms (unh) 56
Form of the Approach of the Second Sun

When this enchantment enters, you gain 7 life. You become a card until you leave your library or that library is shuffled. Put yourself seventh from the top, balancing the cards on top of you on your head. When you draw yourself, you win the game. When one or more cards fall off your head, exile them and all cards on your head, then sacrifice this enchantment.

Enchantment
Form of the Approach of the Second Sun (unf) 9
Look at Me, I'm R&D

As this enchantment enters, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than the first number. All instances of the first chosen number in the full text of each permanent, spell, and card in any zone are changed to the second chosen number.

Enchantment
Look at Me, I'm R&D (und) 9
Now I Know My ABC's

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

Enchantment
Now I Know My ABC's (unh) 41
Snow Mercy

Whenever a creature deals damage to you, put a globe counter on it. {T}, {Q}, {T}, {Q}, {T}: Tap all creatures with globe counters on them.

Enchantment
Snow Mercy (hho) 10
Staying Power

"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Enchantment
Staying Power (ulst) 8
The Cheese Stands Alone

When you control no permanents other than The Cheese Stands Alone and have no cards in hand, you win the game.

Enchantment
The Cheese Stands Alone (ugl) 2
Topsy Turvy

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, second main, combat, first main, and beginning.) As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

Enchantment
Topsy Turvy (und) 29

Enchantment

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Removal

Qty: 6 Price: $4.82
Duh

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Instant
Duh (und) 35
GO TO JAIL

When this enchantment enters, exile target creature an opponent controls until this enchantment leaves the battlefield. At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice this enchantment.

Enchantment
GO TO JAIL (und) 6
Number Crunch

Return target permanent to its owner's hand. Gotcha — If an opponent says a number, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.

Instant
Number Crunch (unh) 42
Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin this artifact in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Artifact
Pointy Finger of Doom (und) 81
Sudden Substitution

Split second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't cast spells or activate abilities that aren't mana abilities.) Exchange control of target noncreature spell and target creature. Then the spell's controller may choose new targets for it.

Instant
Sudden Substitution (c19) 11
Who

Instant
Who // What // When // Where // Why (und) 75

Removal

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Deck Info

Deck stats

23 pips - 17 cards
17 mana - 12 cards
28 pips - 17 cards
16 mana - 11 cards
30 pips - 10 cards
18 mana - 13 cards
12 pips - 8 cards
17 mana - 12 cards
15 pips - 10 cards
17 mana - 12 cards
0 pips - 0 cards
3 mana - 2 cards
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