Hurloon Wrangler

Denimwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player is wearing denim.)

Half-Kitten, Half-

Whenever you're dealt damage,
Augment {2}{W} ({2}{W}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Autograph Book

Autograph Book enters with a page counter on it for each person who has signed it.
{3}, {T}, Remove a page counter from Autograph Book: Draw a card.

Spire of Industry

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}, Pay 1 life: Add one mana of any color. Activate only if you control an artifact.

Slaying Mantis

Just a second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't move permanents.)
Slaying Mantis enters by being thrown from a distance of at least three feet.
When Slaying Mantis enters, it fights each creature an opponent controls that it touched as it entered.

Forest

Frazzled Editor

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

Kodama's Reach

Search your library for up to two basic land cards, reveal those cards, put one onto the battlefield tapped and the other into your hand, then shuffle.

Mountain

Strategy, Schmategy

Roll a six-sided die. Strategy, Schmategy has the indicated effect.
1 — Do nothing.
2 — Destroy all artifacts.
3 — Destroy all lands.
4 — Strategy, Schmategy deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.
5 — Each player discards their hand and draws seven cards.
6 — Repeat this process two more times.

Gingerbrute

Haste (This creature can attack and {T} as soon as it comes under your control.)
{1}: Gingerbrute can't be blocked this turn except by creatures with haste.
{2}, {T}, Sacrifice Gingerbrute: You gain 3 life.

Rod of Spanking

{2}, {T}: Rod of Spanking deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap Rod of Spanking unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

Opal Palace

{T}: Add {C}.
{1}, {T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity. If you spend this mana to cast your commander, it enters with a number of additional +1/+1 counters on it equal to the number of times it's been cast from the command zone this game.

Adorable Kitten

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. You gain life equal to the result.

Blessed Alliance

Escalate {2} (Pay this cost for each mode chosen beyond the first.)
Choose one or more —
• Target player gains 4 life.
• Untap up to two target creatures.
• Target opponent sacrifices an attacking creature of their choice.

Urza, Academy Headmaster

+1: Head to AskUrza.com and click +1.
−1: Head to AskUrza.com and click -1.
−6: Head to AskUrza.com and click -6.

Mystic Monastery

Mystic Monastery enters tapped.
{T}: Add {U}, {R}, or {W}.

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Darksteel Ingot

Indestructible (Effects that say "destroy" don't destroy this artifact.)
{T}: Add one mana of any color.

Assquatch

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.
Whenever another Donkey enters, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

Yet Another Aether Vortex

All creatures have haste.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.

Chromatic Lantern

Lands you control have "{T}: Add one mana of any color."
{T}: Add one mana of any color.

Rampaging Growth

Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. Until end of turn, that land becomes a 4/3 Insect creature with reach and haste. It's still a land.

The Cheese Stands Alone

When you control no permanents other than The Cheese Stands Alone and have no cards in hand, you win the game.

Rhystic Study

Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you may draw a card unless that player pays {1}.

Beastcaller Savant

Haste
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to cast a creature spell.

_____ Goblin

When this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on it. Add {R} for each unique vowel on that sticker. (The vowels are A, E, I, O, U, and Y.)

Mobile Clone

Using a mobile device, take a picture of target creature. That device enters as a token that's a photocopy of the pictured creature. (Photocopies include Auras, Equipment, counters, and stickers in the shot. Don't touch other people's phones without permission and be careful if you do.)

Baron Von Count

Baron Von Count enters with a doom counter on "5."
Whenever you cast a spell with the indicated numeral in its mana cost, text box, power, or toughness, move the doom counter one numeral to the left.
When the doom counter moves from "1," destroy target player and put that doom counter on "5."

Endurance Bobblehead

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{3}, {T}: Up to X target creatures you control get +1/+0 and gain indestructible until end of turn, where X is the number of Bobbleheads you control as you activate this ability. Activate only as a sorcery.

Amateur Auteur

Sacrifice Amateur Auteur: Destroy target enchantment.

Terramorphic Expanse

{T}, Sacrifice Terramorphic Expanse: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Old Guard

{W}, {T}: Tap target creature without reminder text. (Reminder text is still any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Escape from Orthanc

Target creature gets +1/+3 and gains flying until end of turn. Untap it.

Eye to Eye

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.
{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

Better Than One

A person outside the game becomes your teammate. (Choose any number of cards in your hand, on top of your library, or on the battlefield under your control. Those cards become your teammate's hand, library, and permanents, respectively.)

Path of Ancestry

Path of Ancestry enters tapped.
{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity. When that mana is spent to cast a creature spell that shares a creature type with your commander, scry 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card on the bottom.)

Cloudsteel Kirin

Flying
Equipped creature has flying and "You can't lose the game and your opponents can't win the game."
Reconfigure {5} ({5}: Attach to target creature you control; or unattach from a creature. Reconfigure only as a sorcery. While attached, this isn't a creature.)

Birds of Paradise

Mesa Chicken

Stand up, Flap your arms, Cluck like a chicken: Mesa Chicken gains flying until end of turn.

Goblin Bookie

{R}, {T}: Reflip any coin or reroll any die. (Activate only any time it makes sense.)

Fowl Play

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature loses all abilities and is a Bird creature with base power and toughness 1/1.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service

The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service deals X damage to each of Y target creatures and Z target players or planeswalkers.

An Incident Has Occurred

Choose one or both —
• Destroy target creature with flying.
• Destroy target Attraction. (It's put into its owner's junkyard.)
You may apologize. If you do, you gain 3 life.

Who // What // When // Where // Why

Squirrel Dealer

When Squirrel Dealer enters, ask a person outside the game "Do you like Squirrels?" If they do, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Just Desserts

Just Desserts deals π damage to target creature. (π is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. (It's a smidgen more than 3.))

Goblin Haberdasher

Menace (This creature can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.)
Other creatures you control wearing hats in their art have menace.

Exotic Orchard

{T}: Add one mana of any color that a land an opponent controls could produce.

Blight Keeper

Flying
{7}{B}, {T}, Sacrifice Blight Keeper: Target opponent loses 4 life and you gain 4 life.

Plains

Reflecting Pool

{T}: Add one mana of any type that a land you control could produce.

Sol Ring

Clay Pigeon

Flying
{1}, Throw Clay Pigeon into the air at least two feet above your head while seated: If you catch Clay Pigeon with one hand, prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to you this turn and tap Clay Pigeon. Otherwise, sacrifice it.

Censorship

As Censorship enters, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

Evolving Wilds

{T}, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Rainbow Dash

Flying, haste
Whenever a creature you control with flying and/or haste attacks, you get 20% cooler. (You start at 0% coolness.)
Sonic Rainboom — {T}: If you're at least 100% cool, add {W}{U}{B}{R}{G}, draw a card, and reset your coolness.

Incoming!

Each player searches their library for any number of artifact, creature, enchantment, and/or land cards, puts them onto the battlefield, then shuffles.

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Island

Fat Ass

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Hot Fix

You have ten seconds to look at and rearrange the cards in your library. At the end of those ten seconds, if you're touching one or more of those cards, shuffle.

It That Gets Left Hanging

When It That Gets Left Hanging enters, ask a person outside the game to high-five you. If they won't, It That Gets Left Hanging gains haste until end of turn.

Fascist Art Director

{W}{W}: Fascist Art Director gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Arcane Signet

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Dumb Ass

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.

Knight of the Hokey Pokey

First strike
{1}{W}, Do the Hokey Pokey: Prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to Knight of the Hokey Pokey this turn. (To do the Hokey Pokey, choose an arm, a leg, or your whole self and put it in. Put it out. Put it in. Shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey! Turn yourself around.)

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Jack-in-the-Mox

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect.
1 — Sacrifice Jack-in-the-Mox and you lose 5 life.
2 — Add {W}.
3 — Add {U}.
4 — Add {B}.
5 — Add {R}.
6 — Add {G}.

Emcee

Whenever another creature enters, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

The World Tree

The World Tree enters tapped.
{T}: Add {G}.
As long as you control six or more lands, lands you control have "{T}: Add one mana of any color."
{W}{W}{U}{U}{B}{B}{R}{R}{G}{G}, {T}, Sacrifice The World Tree: Search your library for any number of God cards, put them onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Hammer Jammer

As Hammer Jammer enters, roll a six-sided die. Hammer Jammer enters with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.
Whenever you roll a die, remove all +1/+1 counters from Hammer Jammer, then put a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.

Command Tower

Miss Demeanor

Flying, first strike
At the beginning of each other player's upkeep, you may compliment that player on their game play. If you don't, sacrifice Miss Demeanor.

Gimme Five

You gain 1 life for each person who high-fives you in the next thirty seconds. Each player in an Un-game who high-fives you gains 1 life. (Offer high fives. Don't hit people.)

Rules Lawyer

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)