At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach! Hans, run! It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

{T}, Sacrifice Ashnod's Coupon: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.

All Slivers have banding. (Any creatures with banding, and up to one without, can attack in a band. Bands are blocked as a group. If any creatures with banding you control are blocking or being blocked by a creature, you divide that creature's combat damage, not its controller, among any of the creatures it's being blocked by or is blocking.)

{T}: Tear Blacker Lotus into pieces. Add four mana of any one color. Remove the pieces from the game.

Blurry (This creature can be blocked only if defending player was wearing glasses as it was cast.) Whenever Blurry Beeble deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.

As Boomstacker enters the battlefield and whenever it attacks, stack two dice on top of it. (All dice must be stacked vertically, one on top of another.) Boomstacker gets +1/+1 for each die in its stack. Boomstacker attacks each combat if able. When the stack falls, sacrifice Boomstacker.

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

{4}, {T}: Tear Chaos Confetti into pieces. Throw the pieces onto the battlefield from a distance of at least five feet. Destroy each permanent that a piece touches. Remove the pieces from the game.

As Charm School enters the battlefield, choose a color and balance Charm School on your head. Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you by sources of the chosen color. When Charm School falls off your head, sacrifice Charm School.

Flying {1}, Throw Clay Pigeon into the air at least two feet above your head while seated: If you catch Clay Pigeon with one hand, prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to you this turn and tap Clay Pigeon. Otherwise, sacrifice it.

{W}, Give an opponent a nonland card you own from outside the game: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to you or Collector Protector this turn.

At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, that player moves a permanent they control to touch Cramped Bunker and no other permanents. If the player can't, destroy each permanent they control that isn't touching Cramped Bunker, then sacrifice it.

{0}: Return Deadhead from your graveyard to the battlefield. Activate only if an opponent isn't touching their hand (of cards).

Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Exile all lands. Give each player a number of those cards chosen at random equal to the number of those cards the player controlled. Each player returns those cards to the battlefield under their control.

When Ghazbán Ogress enters the battlefield, if one player has won more Magic games that day than any other player, that player gains control of Ghazbán Ogress.

You gain 1 life for each person who high-fives you in the next thirty seconds. Each player in an Un-game who high-fives you gains 1 life. (Offer high fives. Don't hit people.)

As Gluetius Maximus enters the battlefield, an opponent chooses one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.) When the chosen finger isn't touching Gluetius Maximus, sacrifice Gluetius Maximus.

When you speak, sacrifice Goblin Mime.

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

You gain life equal to your age.

Gus enters the battlefield with a +1/+1 counter on it for each Magic game you have lost to one of your opponents since you last won a game against them.

As Handcuffs enters the battlefield, choose a player. When the chosen player's hands aren't touching each other, sacrifice Handcuffs and that player sacrifices three permanents.

{2}, {T}: Create a 2/2 colorless Homunculus creature token. It must be represented by a unique hand and two fingers at all times, or it ceases to exist.

As Hangman enters the battlefield, secretly note a word with six to eight letters. {1}: Target player who doesn't control Hangman guesses the noted word or an unguessed letter in that word. If they guess wrong, put a +1/+1 counter on Hangman. Any player may activate this ability. When a player guesses the noted word or all of its letters, sacrifice Hangman.

Enchant creature Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace. Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

Hoisted Hireling has flying as long as it's being held above the battlefield.

Denimwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player is wearing denim.)

Legacy — Before the game starts, choose a keyword or ability word and write it below. Spells with __________ you cast cost {1} less to cast.

When It That Gets Left Hanging enters the battlefield, ask a person outside the game to high-five you. If they won't, It That Gets Left Hanging gains haste until end of turn.

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive. Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½. Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Pursuant to subsection 3.1(4) of Richard's Rules of Order, at the beginning of the upkeep of each participant in this game of the Magic: The Gathering® trading card game (hereafter known as "PLAYER"), that PLAYER performs all actions in the sequence of previously added actions (hereafter known as "ACTION QUEUE"), in the order those actions were added, then adds another action to the end of the ACTION QUEUE. All actions must be simple physical or verbal actions that a player can perform while sitting in a chair, without jeopardizing the health and security of said PLAYER. When any PLAYER does not perform all the prescribed actions in the correct order, sacrifice Bureaucracy and said PLAYER discards their complement of cards in hand (hereafter known as "HAND").

As Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle enters the battlefield, you and an opponent each secretly choose Whack or Doodle. Then those choices are revealed. If the choices match, Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle has that ability. Otherwise, it has Buzz. • Whack — {T}: Target player loses 2 life. • Doodle — {T}: You gain 3 life. • Buzz — {2}, {T}: Draw a card.

Flying Gotcha — If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.

As Censorship enters the battlefield, choose a word. Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

This spell can't be countered. Shroud Control Win Condition's power and toughness are each equal to the number of turns you've taken this game. (If this is in your deck, please keep track of your turns. This means you, Mark.)

Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target. Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Restart the turn, except with Do-Over in exile. (First, return all cards to where they were as the turn began. For information from hidden zones like the hand, reconstruct as best you can, and do the rest at random.)

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

Target creature you control climbs into Goblin Sleigh Ride. You slide them on their merry way. If the creature stayed on, it deals damage equal to its toughness to each other creature touched during the slide.