Guff Rewrites History

For each player, choose target nonenchantment, nonland permanent that player controls. Those permanents' owners shuffle them into their libraries. Each player who controlled one of those permanents exiles cards from the top of their library until they exile a nonland card, then puts the rest on the bottom of their library in a random order. Each player may cast the nonland card they exiled without paying its mana cost.

Spiteful Banditry

When Spiteful Banditry enters the battlefield, it deals X damage to each creature.
Whenever one or more creatures your opponents control die, you create a Treasure token. This ability triggers only once each turn.

Share the Spoils

When Share the Spoils enters the battlefield or an opponent loses the game, exile the top card of each player's library.
During each player's turn, that player may play a land or cast a spell from among cards exiled with Share the Spoils, and they may spend mana as though it were mana of any color to cast that spell. When they do, exile the top card of their library.

Chain Reaction

Chain Reaction deals X damage to each creature, where X is the number of creatures on the battlefield.

March of Reckless Joy

As an additional cost to cast this spell, you may exile any number of red cards from your hand. This spell costs {2} less to cast for each card exiled this way.
Exile the top X cards of your library. You may play up to two of those cards until the end of your next turn.

Vow of Lightning

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+2, has first strike, and can't attack you or planeswalkers you control.

Simian Spirit Guide

Exile Simian Spirit Guide from your hand: Add {R}.

Humble Defector

{T}: Draw two cards. Target opponent gains control of Humble Defector. Activate only during your turn.

Jeska, Thrice Reborn

Jeska, Thrice Reborn enters the battlefield with a loyalty counter on her for each time you've cast a commander from the command zone this game.
0: Choose target creature. Until your next turn, if that creature would deal combat damage to one of your opponents, it deals triple that damage to that player instead.
−X: Jeska, Thrice Reborn deals X damage to each of up to three targets.
Jeska, Thrice Reborn can be your commander.
Partner

Geosurge

Add {R}{R}{R}{R}{R}{R}{R}. Spend this mana only to cast artifact or creature spells.

Assault Suit

Equipped creature gets +2/+2, has haste, can't attack you or planeswalkers you control, and can't be sacrificed.
At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, you may have that player gain control of equipped creature until end of turn. If you do, untap it.
Equip {3}

Star of Extinction

Destroy target land. Star of Extinction deals 20 damage to each creature and each planeswalker.

Loot Dispute

When Loot Dispute enters the battlefield, you take the initiative and create a Treasure token.
Whenever you attack the player who has the initiative, create a Treasure token.
Loud Ruckus — Whenever you complete a dungeon, create a 5/5 red Dragon creature token with flying.

Coveted Jewel

When Coveted Jewel enters the battlefield, draw three cards.
{T}: Add three mana of any one color.
Whenever one or more creatures an opponent controls attack you and aren't blocked, that player draws three cards and gains control of Coveted Jewel. Untap it.

Gamble

Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, discard a card at random, then shuffle.

Commune with Lava

Exile the top X cards of your library. Until the end of your next turn, you may play those cards.

Tavern Brawler

Commander creatures you own have "At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library. This creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is that card's mana value. You may play that card this turn."

Wayfarer's Bauble

{2}, {T}, Sacrifice Wayfarer's Bauble: Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Storm King's Thunder

When you next cast an instant or sorcery spell this turn, copy that spell X times. You may choose new targets for the copies.

Endless Atlas

{2}, {T}: Draw a card. Activate only if you control three or more lands with the same name.

Sol Ring

Brand

Gain control of all permanents you own. (This effect lasts indefinitely.)
Cycling {2} ({2}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

The Sound of Drums

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature is goaded.
If enchanted creature would deal combat damage to a permanent or player, it deals double that damage instead.
{2}{R}: Return The Sound of Drums from your graveyard to your hand.

Swiftfoot Boots

Equipped creature has hexproof and haste. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities your opponents control.)
Equip {1}

Bloodthirsty Blade

Equipped creature gets +2/+0 and is goaded. (It attacks each combat if able and attacks a player other than you if able.)
{1}: Attach Bloodthirsty Blade to target creature an opponent controls. Activate only as a sorcery.

Explorer's Scope

Whenever equipped creature attacks, look at the top card of your library. If it's a land card, you may put it onto the battlefield tapped.
Equip {1} ({1}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Havoc Eater

Flying
When Havoc Eater enters the battlefield, for each opponent, goad up to one target creature that opponent controls. Put X +1/+1 counters on Havoc Eater, where X is the total power of creatures goaded this way.

Mountain

Fire Diamond

Fire Diamond enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add {R}.

Fiendish Duo

First strike
If a source would deal damage to an opponent, it deals double that damage to that player instead.

Chaos Warp

The owner of target permanent shuffles it into their library, then reveals the top card of their library. If it's a permanent card, they put it onto the battlefield.

Braid of Fire

Cumulative upkeep—Add {R}. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on this permanent, then sacrifice it unless you pay its upkeep cost for each age counter on it.)

Blasphemous Act

This spell costs {1} less to cast for each creature on the battlefield.
Blasphemous Act deals 13 damage to each creature.

Irencrag Feat

Add seven {R}. You can cast only one more spell this turn.

Sandstone Oracle

Flying
When Sandstone Oracle enters the battlefield, choose an opponent. If that player has more cards in hand than you, draw cards equal to the difference.

Life of the Party

First strike, trample, haste
Whenever Life of the Party attacks, it gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of creatures you control.
When Life of the Party enters the battlefield, if it's not a token, each opponent creates a token that's a copy of it. The tokens are goaded for the rest of the game. (They attack each combat if able and attack a player other than you if able.)

Frontier Warmonger

Whenever one or more creatures attack one of your opponents or a planeswalker they control, those creatures gain menace until end of turn.

Stuffy Doll

Indestructible
As Stuffy Doll enters the battlefield, choose a player.
Whenever Stuffy Doll is dealt damage, it deals that much damage to the chosen player.
{T}: Stuffy Doll deals 1 damage to itself.

Hour of Devastation

All creatures lose indestructible until end of turn. Hour of Devastation deals 5 damage to each creature and each non-Bolas planeswalker.

Embercleave

Flash
This spell costs {1} less to cast for each attacking creature you control.
When Embercleave enters the battlefield, attach it to target creature you control.
Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has double strike and trample.
Equip {3}

Homeward Path

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Each player gains control of all creatures they own.

Seething Song

Rite of the Raging Storm

Creatures named Lightning Rager can't attack you or planeswalkers you control.
At the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player creates a 5/1 red Elemental creature token named Lightning Rager. It has trample, haste, and "At the beginning of the end step, sacrifice this creature."

Tarrian's Soulcleaver

Equipped creature has vigilance.
Whenever another artifact or creature is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, put a +1/+1 counter on equipped creature.
Equip {2}

Sceptre of Eternal Glory

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{T}: Add three mana of any one color. Activate only if you control three or more lands with the same name.

Disrupt Decorum

Goad all creatures you don't control. (Until your next turn, those creatures attack each combat if able and attack a player other than you if able.)

Koth, Fire of Resistance

+2: Search your library for a basic Mountain card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.
−3: Koth, Fire of Resistance deals damage to target creature equal to the number of Mountains you control.
−7: You get an emblem with "Whenever a Mountain enters the battlefield under your control, this emblem deals 4 damage to any target."

Thrill of Possibility

As an additional cost to cast this spell, discard a card.
Draw two cards.

Staff of Nin

At the beginning of your upkeep, draw a card.
{T}: Staff of Nin deals 1 damage to any target.

Death Kiss

Whenever a creature an opponent controls attacks one of your opponents, double its power until end of turn.
{X}{X}{R}: Monstrosity X. (If this creature isn't monstrous, put X +1/+1 counters on it and it becomes monstrous.)
When Death Kiss becomes monstrous, goad up to X target creatures your opponents control.

Khârn the Betrayer

Berzerker — Khârn the Betrayer attacks or blocks each combat if able.
Sigil of Corruption — When you lose control of Khârn the Betrayer, draw two cards.
The Betrayer — If damage would be dealt to Khârn the Betrayer, prevent that damage and an opponent of your choice gains control of it.

Infiltration Lens

Whenever equipped creature becomes blocked by a creature, you may draw two cards.
Equip {1}

Thought Vessel

You have no maximum hand size.
{T}: Add {C}.

Caged Sun

As Caged Sun enters the battlefield, choose a color.
Creatures you control of the chosen color get +1/+1.
Whenever a land's ability causes you to add one or more mana of the chosen color, add one additional mana of that color.

Mind Stone

{T}: Add {C}.
{1}, {T}, Sacrifice Mind Stone: Draw a card.

Hammer of Nazahn

Whenever Hammer of Nazahn or another Equipment enters the battlefield under your control, you may attach that Equipment to target creature you control.
Equipped creature gets +2/+0 and has indestructible.
Equip {4}

Arcane Signet

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Wild Magic Surge

Destroy target permanent an opponent controls. Its controller reveals cards from the top of their library until they reveal a permanent card that shares a card type with that permanent. They put that card onto the battlefield and the rest on the bottom of their library in a random order.

Brash Taunter

Indestructible
Whenever Brash Taunter is dealt damage, it deals that much damage to target opponent.
{2}{R}, {T}: Brash Taunter fights another target creature.

Tome of Legends

Tome of Legends enters the battlefield with a page counter on it.
Whenever your commander enters the battlefield or attacks, put a page counter on Tome of Legends.
{1}, {T}, Remove a page counter from Tome of Legends: Draw a card.

Shiny Impetus

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+2 and is goaded. (It attacks each combat if able and attacks a player other than you if able.)
Whenever enchanted creature attacks, you create a Treasure token. (It's an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.")

Iron Myr

Godo, Bandit Warlord

When Godo, Bandit Warlord enters the battlefield, you may search your library for an Equipment card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.
Whenever Godo attacks for the first time each turn, untap it and all Samurai you control. After this phase, there is an additional combat phase.

Circle of Flame

Whenever a creature without flying attacks you or a planeswalker you control, Circle of Flame deals 1 damage to that creature.