Ineffable Blessing

As Ineffable Blessing enters, choose a number.
Whenever a creature you control with exactly the chosen number of words in its name enters, draw a card. (Hyphenated words are one word.)

Squirrel Dealer

When Squirrel Dealer enters, ask a person outside the game "Do you like Squirrels?" If they do, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Spirit of the Season

When Spirit of the Season enters, it gains haste if it's summer. Put a +1/+1 counter on it if it's autumn. You gain 5 life if it's winter. If it's spring, search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Rules Lawyer

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Jumbo Imp

Flying
As Jumbo Imp enters, roll a six-sided die. Jumbo Imp enters with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.
At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die and put a number of +1/+1 counters on Jumbo Imp equal to the result.
At the beginning of your end step, roll a six-sided die and remove a number of +1/+1 counters from Jumbo Imp equal to the result.

Frazzled Editor

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

More or Less

Add or subtract 1 or one from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn.

Common Courtesy

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.
When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice Common Courtesy.

Lobe Lobber

Equipped creature has "{T}: This creature deals 1 damage to target player or planeswalker. Roll a six-sided die. On a 5 or higher, untap it."
Equip {2}

Garbage Elemental

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)
Battalion — Whenever Garbage Elemental and at least two other creatures attack, target creature can't block this turn.

Landfill

Choose a land type. Exile all lands you control of that type. Drop those cards, one at a time, onto the playing area from a height of at least one foot. Destroy each permanent completely covered by those cards. Then return the cards you dropped to the battlefield tapped.

Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike
{1}{B}, Reveal Infernal Spawn of Evil from your hand, Say "It's coming!": Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 1 damage to target opponent or planeswalker. Activate only during your upkeep and only once each turn.

First Come, First Served

Each attacking or blocking creature with the lowest collector number among attacking or blocking creatures has first strike.

Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

Squirrel-Powered Scheme

Increase the result of each die you roll by 2.

Vile Bile

Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches Vile Bile, that player loses 2 life.

Cheap Ass

Spy Eye

Flying
Whenever Spy Eye deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card from that player's library.

Selfie Preservation

Search your library for a basic land card and reveal it. If there's a tree in its art, put it onto the battlefield tapped. Otherwise, put it into your hand. Then shuffle.

Earl of Squirrel

Squirrellink (Damage dealt by this creature also causes you to create that many 1/1 green Squirrel creature tokens.)
Creature tokens you control are Squirrels in addition to their other creature types.
Other Squirrels you control get +1/+1.

Infernius Spawnington III, Esq.

Flying, first strike, trample, haste
This spell costs {3} less to cast for each card you've revealed this turn.
When Infernius Spawnington III, Esq. enters, you may say "I'm here." If you do, it deals 3 damage to target player.

Subcontract

A person outside the game looks at target opponent's hand and chooses a nonland card from it. That player discards that card.

Dumb Ass

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.

Flock of Rabid Sheep

Flip X coins. For each flip you win, create a 2/2 green Sheep creature token named Rabid Sheep.

Island

Standing Army

As long as you're standing, Standing Army has vigilance.

Jack-in-the-Mox

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect.
1 — Sacrifice Jack-in-the-Mox and you lose 5 life.
2 — Add {W}.
3 — Add {U}.
4 — Add {B}.
5 — Add {R}.
6 — Add {G}.

Toy Boat

Cumulative upkeep—Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on Toy Boat, then sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each age counter on it—without pausing between or fumbling it.)

Do-It-Yourself Seraph

Flying
Whenever Do-It-Yourself Seraph attacks, you may search your library for an artifact card, exile it, then shuffle.
Do-It-Yourself Seraph has the text box of each card exiled with Do-It-Yourself Seraph in addition to its own.

Chivalrous Chevalier

Flying
When Chivalrous Chevalier enters, return a creature you control to its owner's hand unless you compliment an opponent.

Bursting Beebles

Bursting Beebles can't be blocked as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.

Poultrygeist

Flying
Whenever a creature dies, you may roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, sacrifice Poultrygeist. Otherwise, put a +1/+1 counter on Poultrygeist.

Booster Tutor

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Inhumaniac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or 4, put a +1/+1 counter on Inhumaniac. On a 5 or higher, put two +1/+1 counters on it. On a 1, remove all +1/+1 counters from Inhumaniac.

Deal Damage

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Enter the Dungeon

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

Hammer Jammer

As Hammer Jammer enters, roll a six-sided die. Hammer Jammer enters with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.
Whenever you roll a die, remove all +1/+1 counters from Hammer Jammer, then put a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.

Blurry Beeble

Blurry (This creature can be blocked only if defending player was wearing glasses as it was cast.)
Whenever Blurry Beeble deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.

capital offense

target creature gets -x/-x until end of turn, where x is the number of times a capital letter appears in its rules text. (ignore reminder text and flavor text.)

Mountain

Handcuffs

As Handcuffs enters, choose a player.
When the chosen player's hands aren't touching each other, sacrifice Handcuffs and that player sacrifices three permanents.

Chicken Egg

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 6, sacrifice Chicken Egg and create a 4/4 red Giant Bird creature token.

As Luck Would Have It

Hexproof
Whenever you roll a die, put a number of luck counters on As Luck Would Have It equal to the result. Then if there are 100 or more luck counters on As Luck Would Have It, you win the game. (Count both rolls if you reroll a die.)

Very Cryptic Command

Choose two —
• Scry 3.
• Create a 2/2 black Rogue creature token with menace.
• Add or subtract 1 or one from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn.
• Return all artifacts target player controls to their owner's hand.

Now I Know My ABC's

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

Proper Laboratory Attire

Equipped creature gets +2/+1 and has protection from die rolls. (Nothing that lets a player roll a die can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to equipped creature.)
Equip {2}

Tainted Monkey

{T}: Choose a word. Target player mills a card. If a card with the chosen word in its text box was milled this way, they lose 3 life.

Reality Scramble

Put target permanent you own on the bottom of your library. Reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card that shares a card type with that permanent. Put that card onto the battlefield and the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.
Retrace (You may cast this card from your graveyard by discarding a land card in addition to paying its other costs.)

Eye to Eye

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

Land Aid '04

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.

Plains

Adorable Kitten

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. You gain life equal to the result.

Head to Head

You and target opponent play Seven Questions with the top card of that player's library. If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice. (To play Seven Questions, that player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that they answer truthfully. You guess the card's name—that's question seven—then the player reveals the card.)

Dirty Rat

When this creature enters, target opponent discards a card.

Hoisted Hireling

Hoisted Hireling has flying as long as it's being held above the battlefield.

Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle

As Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle enters, you and an opponent each secretly choose Whack or Doodle. Then those choices are revealed. If the choices match, Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle has that ability. Otherwise, it has Buzz.
• Whack — {T}: Target player loses 2 life.
• Doodle — {T}: You gain 3 life.
• Buzz — {2}, {T}: Draw a card.

Snickering Squirrel

You may tap Snickering Squirrel to increase the result of a die any player rolled by 1.

Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike, trample
Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay {1}{B}, reveal Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil from your library and say "I'm coming, too!" If you do, Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

Stinging Scorpion

When this creature enters, target creature an opponent controls gets -1/-1 until end of turn.

Steel Squirrel

Whenever you roll a 5 or higher on a die, Steel Squirrel gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.
{6}: Roll a six-sided die.

Abstract Iguanart

Whenever you cast a spell, note the first letter of its artist's name. If that letter wasn't already noted, put a +1/+1 counter on Abstract Iguanart.

Bat-

Flying
At the beginning of each end step, if an opponent lost 3 or more life this turn,
Augment {1}{B} ({1}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Shellephant

{0}: Choose one. You may activate this ability while Shellephant is in any zone.
• Shellephant has base power and toughness 1/4.
• Shellephant has base power and toughness 3/3.

Hydradoodle

As Hydradoodle enters, roll X six-sided dice. Hydradoodle enters with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the total of those results.
Reach, trample

Extremely Slow Zombie

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)

Face to Face

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Acornelia, Fashionable Filcher

Whenever you cast a spell with a squirrel in its art, you get {A} (an acorn counter).
Whenever a Squirrel you control enters or dies, you get {A}.
{2}{B}, Pay X {A}: Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn.
{G}, Pay X {A}: Target creature gets +X/+X until end of turn.

Chittering Doom

Whenever you roll a 4 or higher on a die, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Staff of the Letter Magus

As Staff of the Letter Magus enters, choose a consonant other than N, R, S, or T.
Whenever a player casts a spell, you gain 1 life for each time the chosen letter appears in that spell's name.

_____

{1}: This card's name becomes the card name of your choice. Activate anywhere, anytime.

Skull Saucer

Flying
When Skull Saucer enters, destroy target creature and put your head on the table. Sacrifice Skull Saucer when your head stops touching the table.

Just Desserts

Just Desserts deals π damage to target creature. (π is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. (It's a smidgen more than 3.))

Mouth to Mouth

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

Box of Free-Range Goblins

Roll a six-sided die. Create a number of 1/1 red Goblin creature tokens equal to the result.

Man of Measure

As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.
As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.

The Big Idea

{2}{B/R}{B/R}, {T}: Roll a six-sided die. Create a number of 1/1 red Brainiac creature tokens equal to the result.
Tap three untapped Brainiacs you control: The next time you would roll a six-sided die, instead roll two six-sided dice and use the total of those results.

Old-Fashioned Vampire

Flying
Old-Fashioned Vampire gets +2/+2 and has deathtouch as long as it's dark outdoors.

Swamp

Working Stiff

As Working Stiff enters, straighten your arms.
When you bend an elbow, sacrifice Working Stiff.

Split Screen

When Split Screen enters, shuffle your library and deal it into four libraries. If anything refers to your library, choose one of your libraries for it.
Play with your libraries' top cards revealed.
When Split Screen leaves the battlefield, shuffle your libraries together.

Hazmat Suit (Used)

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace.
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

Form of the Squirrel

As Form of the Squirrel enters, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token. You lose the game when that creature leaves the battlefield.
Creatures can't attack you.
You have shroud.
You can't cast spells.

Knight of the Kitchen Sink

First strike, protection from watermarks (Nothing with a watermark can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Double Header

Flying
When Double Header enters, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

Forest

Over My Dead Bodies

Creature cards in graveyards can attack and block as though they were on the battlefield, can block or be blocked only by creature cards in graveyards, are Zombies in addition to their other types, and have undeathtouch. (If they would deal damage to a creature card, exile that creature card instead.)
Creature cards in your graveyard have haste.

Question Elemental?

Did you know this creature has flying?
Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of Question Elemental?

Wordmail

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

Goblin Bowling Team

If Goblin Bowling Team would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals that much damage plus the result of a six-sided die roll to that permanent or player instead.

Socketed Sprocketer

{T}: Uninstall all results from Socketed Sprocketer, then roll a six-sided die. Install the result on Socketed Sprocketer. (Put the die on this card.)
You may uninstall a result from Socketed Sprocketer to use it for a die you rolled.
Uninstall a 6 from Socketed Sprocketer: Draw a card.

By Gnome Means

{1}{W}, Remove a counter from a permanent you control: Create a 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature token.
{1}{W}, Sacrifice an artifact: Choose any kind of counter a printed card refers to, then put one of that counter on target permanent.

Censorship

As Censorship enters, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

Keeper of the Sacred Word

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Mother of Goons

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

Elvish House Party

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

Hangman

As Hangman enters, secretly note a word with six to eight letters.
{1}: Target player who doesn't control Hangman guesses the noted word or an unguessed letter in that word. If they guess wrong, put a +1/+1 counter on Hangman. Any player may activate this ability.
When a player guesses the noted word or all of its letters, sacrifice Hangman.

Fowl Play

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature loses all abilities and is a Bird creature with base power and toughness 1/1.

Volrath's Motion Sensor

Enchant player
As Volrath's Motion Sensor enters, choose one of enchanted player's hands. That player balances Volrath's Motion Sensor on the back of that hand.
When Volrath's Motion Sensor falls off the chosen hand, sacrifice Volrath's Motion Sensor and enchanted player loses 3 life.