Richard Garfield, Ph.D.

You may play cards as though they were other cards of your choice with the same mana cost. You can't choose the same card twice. (Mana cost includes color.)

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

City of Ass

City of Ass enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Surgeon General Commander

Whenever you augment, enchant, or mutate a creature you control, draw a card.
{T}: Add {W}, {U}, {B}, {R}, or {G}.

Rock Lobster

Creatures named Scissors Lizard can't attack or block.

Mox Lotus

{T}: Add {∞}.
{100}: Add one mana of any color.

Supersize

Target creature gets +3½/+3½ until end of turn.

Gleemax

You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.

Mana Screw

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.