Mistakes Were Made

Destroy target artifact or enchantment. Create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token for each fire extinguisher you can see from your seat.

Pair o' Dice Lost

Roll two six-sided dice. Return any number of cards with total mana value X or less from your graveyard to your hand, where X is the total of those results. Exile Pair o' Dice Lost.

Done for the Day

At the beginning of your end step, if you control an Employee, a Performer, or a Robot, you may get {TK} or create a Treasure token. If you control all three, you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.

Fight the _____ Fight

Enchant creature you control
When this Aura enters, you may put a name sticker on it. When you do, enchanted creature fights up to one target creature you don't control.
Enchanted creature gets +0/+2 for each name sticker on this Aura with eight or more letters.

Hardy of Myra's Marvels

As Hardy of Myra's Marvels enters, choose a number.
Whenever you cast a spell with the chosen number of lines of flavor text, put that many +1/+1 counters on target creature.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)

The Big Top

{T}: Add one mana of any color that appears on your top. (A top is an outerwear garment worn on the upper body.)

Park Map

{1}, Sacrifice Park Map: Search your library for a land card that doesn't have the same art as a permanent you control, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Strength-Testing Hammer

Whenever equipped creature attacks, roll a six-sided die. That creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the result. Then if it has the greatest power or is tied for greatest power among creatures on the battlefield, draw a card.
Equip {3}

Baaallerina

Flying
When Baaallerina enters, you may put a name sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
{2}{U}: Another target creature with a name sticker on it gains flying until end of turn.

Chicken Troupe

Ward {2} (Whenever this creature becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, counter it unless that player pays {2}.)
When Chicken Troupe enters, you get {TK}, then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.

Resolute Veggiesaur

Trample
Whenever you roll your third die each turn, put a +1/+1 counter on Resolute Veggiesaur.

Vegetation Abomination

Deathtouch
{T}, Sacrifice Vegetation Abomination: Roll a six-sided die. You gain life equal to the result.

Boing!

Return target creature to its owner's hand, then roll a six-sided die. If the result is 3 or less, scry a number of cards equal to the result.

Petting Zookeeper

Reach
When Petting Zookeeper enters, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)

Blufferfish

{3}{U}: An opponent tells you a statement about themselves and secretly notes whether it's true or false. You guess which it is. If you guessed correctly, Blufferfish gets +2/+0 and can't be blocked this turn.

Ticket Turbotubes

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{3}, {T}: You get {TK} (a ticket counter).

Seasoned Buttoneer

When Seasoned Buttoneer enters, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)

Tchotchke Elemental

Whenever you create a token or put a counter or a sticker on another permanent, put a knickknack counter on Tchotchke Elemental. Use a unique item that completely fits on Tchotchke Elemental for each knickknack counter.
Tchotchke Elemental gets +1/+1 for each knickknack counter on it.

Stiltstrider

Reach
When Stiltstrider enters, you get {TK}{TK}, then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.

Killer Cosplay

Whenever Killer Cosplay becomes attached to a creature, choose a creature card name with an identical mana cost. That creature becomes a copy of the card with the chosen name until Killer Cosplay becomes unattached from it.
Equip {3}

Astroquarium

When Astroquarium enters, you may put an art sticker on it.
{1}, {T}: Until end of turn, target creature becomes a blue Shark with base power and toughness 4/4. If the cracks in Astroquarium's art are completely covered, that creature becomes a blue Octopus with base power and toughness 8/8 instead. Activate only as a sorcery.

Squirrel Squatters

When Squirrel Squatters enters, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
Whenever Squirrel Squatters attacks, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token that's tapped and attacking for each Attraction you've visited this turn.

Wicker Picker

Creature spells you cast have sticker kicker {1}. (You may pay an additional {1} as you cast a creature spell. If you do, you get {TK}, then you may put a sticker on it.)

Decisions, Decisions

Reveal the top three cards of your library, then choose a consonant. (Y counts.) Put each card that has the chosen letter in the first word of its name from among them into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order.

Atomwheel Acrobats

Whenever you roll a 1 or 2, put that many +1/+1 counters on Atomwheel Acrobats.
{2}{G}: Roll a six-sided die.

_____-o-saurus

Trample
When this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on it. Put a +1/+1 counter on it for each unique vowel on that sticker. (The vowels are A, E, I, O, U, and Y.)

Finishing Move

You get {TK}{TK}, then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own. Target creature you control deals damage equal to its power to target creature you don't control.

An Incident Has Occurred

Choose one or both —
• Destroy target creature with flying.
• Destroy target Attraction. (It's put into its owner's junkyard.)
You may apologize. If you do, you gain 3 life.

Fluros of Myra's Marvels

As Fluros of Myra's Marvels enters, choose a number greater than 0.
Whenever you cast a spell with power, toughness, or loyalty equal to the chosen number, target artifact or creature becomes an artifact creature with base power and toughness X/X until end of turn, where X is the chosen number.
Partner

Urza's Fun House

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {∞}. Activate only once and only if you control an Urza's Mine, an Urza's Power-Plant, and an Urza's Tower.
{7}, {T}: Head to AskUrza.com and click Urza's Fun House.

Plot Armor

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+2 and can't be blocked except by creatures with flavor text.

Animate Object

You get seven {TK}. Choose an inanimate object you own from outside the game. Put a power and toughness sticker on it. You may also put a name sticker, an art sticker, and/or an ability sticker on it. Put it onto the battlefield as a creature token.

Treacherous Trapezist

Flying
Whenever you cast an alliterative spell, scry 2. (Anything with two or more capitalized words in its name that begin with the same letter is alliterative.)
Other alliterative creatures you control have flying.

Pie-Eating Contest

As an additional cost to cast this spell, gobble X. (Each time you gobble, take a bite of food or sacrifice a Food token.)
X target creatures you control each get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.