The Millennium Calendar

Whenever you untap one or more permanents during your untap step, put that many time counters on The Millennium Calendar.
{2}, {T}: Double the number of time counters on The Millennium Calendar.
When there are 1,000 or more time counters on The Millennium Calendar, sacrifice it and each opponent loses 1,000 life.

Abstract Iguanart

Whenever you cast a spell, note the first letter of its artist's name. If that letter wasn't already noted, put a +1/+1 counter on Abstract Iguanart.

Boots of Speed

Equipped creature gets +1/+0 and has haste.
Equip {1} ({1}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Mana Geyser

Add {R} for each tapped land your opponents control.

Scissors Lizard

Creatures named Paper Tiger can't attack or block.

Common Iguana

When this creature enters, you may discard a card. If you do, draw a card.

Share the Spoils

When Share the Spoils enters and whenever an opponent loses the game, exile the top card of each player's library.
During each player's turn, that player may play a land or cast a spell from among cards exiled with Share the Spoils, and they may spend mana as though it were mana of any color to cast that spell. When they do, exile the top card of their library.

Song of Totentanz

Create X 1/1 black Rat creature tokens with "This creature can't block." Creatures you control gain haste until end of turn.

Court of Ire

When Court of Ire enters, you become the monarch.
At the beginning of your upkeep, Court of Ire deals 2 damage to any target. If you're the monarch, it deals 7 damage instead.

Khârn the Betrayer

Berzerker — Khârn the Betrayer attacks or blocks each combat if able.
Sigil of Corruption — When you lose control of Khârn the Betrayer, draw two cards.
The Betrayer — If damage would be dealt to Khârn the Betrayer, prevent that damage and an opponent of your choice gains control of it.

Chain Lightning

Chain Lightning deals 3 damage to any target. Then that player or that permanent's controller may pay {R}{R}. If the player does, they may copy this spell and may choose a new target for that copy.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

Abrade

Choose one —
• Abrade deals 3 damage to target creature.
• Destroy target artifact.

Sawblade Scamp

Haste
Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, put an oil counter on Sawblade Scamp.
{T}, Remove an oil counter from Sawblade Scamp: It deals 1 damage to each opponent.

Traitorous Blood

Gain control of target creature until end of turn. Untap it. It gains trample and haste until end of turn.

Faithless Salvaging

Discard a card, then draw a card.
Rebound (If you cast this spell from your hand, exile it as it resolves. At the beginning of your next upkeep, you may cast this card from exile without paying its mana cost.)

Dragon's Rage Channeler

Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, surveil 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card into your graveyard.)
Delirium — As long as there are four or more card types among cards in your graveyard, Dragon's Rage Channeler gets +2/+2, has flying, and attacks each combat if able.

Super-Duper Death Ray

Trample (This spell can deal excess damage to its target's controller.)
Super-Duper Death Ray deals 4 damage to target creature.

Strategy, Schmategy

Roll a six-sided die. Strategy, Schmategy has the indicated effect.
1 — Do nothing.
2 — Destroy all artifacts.
3 — Destroy all lands.
4 — Strategy, Schmategy deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.
5 — Each player discards their hand and draws seven cards.
6 — Repeat this process two more times.

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Magus of the Wheel

{1}{R}, {T}, Sacrifice Magus of the Wheel: Each player discards their hand, then draws seven cards.

Painiac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. Painiac gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the result.

Geode Rager

First strike
Landfall — Whenever a land you control enters, goad each creature target player controls. (Until your next turn, those creatures attack each combat if able and attack a player other than you if able.)

Disrupt Decorum

Goad all creatures you don't control. (Until your next turn, those creatures attack each combat if able and attack a player other than you if able.)

Water Gun Balloon Game

As Water Gun Balloon Game enters, each player puts a pop! counter on "0."
Whenever a player casts a spell, move that player's pop! counter up one.
Whenever a player's pop! counter hits "5," that player creates a 5/5 pink Giant Teddy Bear creature token and resets all pop! counters to "0."

Raging River

Whenever one or more creatures you control attack, each defending player divides all creatures without flying they control into a "left" pile and a "right" pile. Then, for each attacking creature you control, choose "left" or "right." That creature can't be blocked this combat except by creatures with flying and creatures in a pile with the chosen label.

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.
{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

Cursed Mirror

{T}: Add {R}.
As Cursed Mirror enters, you may have it become a copy of any creature on the battlefield until end of turn, except it has haste.

Goblin Tutor

Roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, Goblin Tutor has no effect. Otherwise, search your library for the indicated card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.
2 — A card named Goblin Tutor
3 — An enchantment
4 — An artifact
5 — A creature
6 — An instant or sorcery

Critical Hit

Target creature gains double strike until end of turn.
When you roll a natural 20, return Critical Hit from your graveyard to your hand. (A natural 20 is a roll that displays 20 on the die.)

Obsessive Astronomer

If it's neither day nor night, it becomes day as Obsessive Astronomer enters.
Whenever day becomes night or night becomes day, discard up to two cards, then draw that many cards.

Lunar Frenzy

Target creature you control gets +X/+0 and gains first strike and trample until end of turn.

Yet Another Aether Vortex

All creatures have haste.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.

Infinity Elemental

Spark Spray

Spark Spray deals 1 damage to any target.
Cycling {R} ({R}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Boomstacker

As Boomstacker enters and whenever it attacks, stack two dice on top of it. (All dice must be stacked vertically, one on top of another.)
Boomstacker gets +1/+1 for each die in its stack.
Boomstacker attacks each combat if able.
When the stack falls, sacrifice Boomstacker.

Goblin Game

Each player hides at least one item, then all players reveal them simultaneously. Each player loses life equal to the number of items they revealed. The player who revealed the fewest items then loses half their life, rounded up. If two or more players are tied for fewest, each loses half their life, rounded up.

Urabrask, Heretic Praetor

Haste
At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library. You may play it this turn.
At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, the next time they would draw a card this turn, instead they exile the top card of their library. They may play it this turn.

Combustible Gearhulk

First strike
When Combustible Gearhulk enters, target opponent may have you draw three cards. If the player doesn't, you mill three cards, then Combustible Gearhulk deals damage to that player equal to the total mana value of those cards.

Goblin S.W.A.T. Team

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

Krark's Other Thumb

If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.

Guttersnipe

Whenever you cast an instant or sorcery spell, this creature deals 2 damage to each opponent.

Sulfuric Vortex

At the beginning of each player's upkeep, Sulfuric Vortex deals 2 damage to that player.
If a player would gain life, that player gains no life instead.

Bloodthirster

Flying, trample
Whenever Bloodthirster deals combat damage to a player, untap it. After this phase, there is an additional combat phase.
Bloodthirster can't attack a player it has already attacked this turn.

Blast from the Past

Madness {R}, cycling {1}{R}, kicker {2}{R}, flashback {3}{R}, buyback {4}{R}
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.

Illicit Auction

Each player may bid life for control of target creature. You start the bidding with a bid of 0. In turn order, each player may top the high bid. The bidding ends if the high bid stands. The high bidder loses life equal to the high bid and gains control of the creature. (This effect lasts indefinitely.)

Rock Lobster

Creatures named Scissors Lizard can't attack or block.

Howling Mine

At the beginning of each player's draw step, if Howling Mine is untapped, that player draws an additional card.

Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Etali, Primal Storm

Whenever Etali attacks, exile the top card of each player's library, then you may cast any number of spells from among those cards without paying their mana costs.

Adamaro, First to Desire

Adamaro, First to Desire's power and toughness are each equal to the number of cards in the hand of the opponent with the most cards in hand.

Besmirch

Until end of turn, gain control of target creature and it gains haste. Untap and goad that creature. (Until your next turn, that creature attacks each combat if able and attacks a player other than you if able.)

Goblin Haberdasher

Menace (This creature can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.)
Other creatures you control wearing hats in their art have menace.

Mages' Contest

You and target spell's controller bid life. You start the bidding with a bid of 1. In turn order, each player may top the high bid. The bidding ends if the high bid stands. The high bidder loses life equal to the high bid. If you win the bidding, counter that spell.

Rock Star

Reach
When Rock Star enters, you may discard a card. If you do, reveal the top five cards of your library. Ask a person outside the game to choose which of them is most like a rock band. Put that card into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.

Swiftfoot Boots

Equipped creature has hexproof and haste. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities your opponents control. It can attack and {T} no matter when it came under your control.)
Equip {1} ({1}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Chaos Warp

The owner of target permanent shuffles it into their library, then reveals the top card of their library. If it's a permanent card, they put it onto the battlefield.

Scrambleverse

For each nonland permanent, choose a player at random. Then each player gains control of each permanent for which they were chosen. Untap those permanents.

Knight Rampager

Trample
Frenzied Rampage — At the beginning of combat on your turn, choose an opponent at random. Knight Rampager attacks that player this combat if able.
When Knight Rampager dies, it deals 4 damage to target opponent chosen at random.

Heartless Hidetsugu

{T}: Heartless Hidetsugu deals damage to each player equal to half that player's life total, rounded down.

Wheel of Misfortune

Each player secretly chooses a number 0 or greater, then all players reveal those numbers simultaneously and determine the highest and lowest numbers revealed this way. Wheel of Misfortune deals damage equal to the highest number to each player who chose that number. Each player who didn't choose the lowest number discards their hand, then draws seven cards.

Over the Top

Each player reveals a number of cards from the top of their library equal to the number of nonland permanents they control, puts all permanent cards they revealed this way onto the battlefield, and puts the rest into their graveyard.

Brash Taunter

Indestructible
Whenever Brash Taunter is dealt damage, it deals that much damage to target opponent.
{2}{R}, {T}: Brash Taunter fights another target creature.

Six-y Beast

As Six-y Beast enters, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice Six-y Beast after it enters.

Thieves' Auction

Exile all nontoken permanents. Starting with you, each player chooses one of the exiled cards and puts it onto the battlefield tapped under their control. Repeat this process until all cards exiled this way have been chosen.

Lightning Strike

Lightning Strike deals 3 damage to any target.

Karn, the Great Creator

Activated abilities of artifacts your opponents control can't be activated.
+1: Until your next turn, up to one target noncreature artifact becomes an artifact creature with power and toughness each equal to its mana value.
−2: You may reveal an artifact card you own from outside the game or choose a face-up artifact card you own in exile. Put that card into your hand.

Dictate of the Twin Gods

Flash
If a source would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals double that damage to that permanent or player instead.

Noise Marine

Cascade (When you cast this spell, exile cards from the top of your library until you exile a nonland card that costs less. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Put the exiled cards on the bottom in a random order.)
Sonic Blaster — When Noise Marine enters, it deals damage equal to the number of spells you've cast this turn to any target.

Paper Tiger

Creatures named Rock Lobster can't attack or block.

Pack's Betrayal

Gain control of target creature until end of turn. Untap that creature. It gains haste until end of turn. If you control a Wolf or Werewolf, scry 2. (Look at the top two cards of your library, then put any number of them on the bottom and the rest on top in any order.)

Seeker of Slaanesh

Haste
Allure of Slaanesh — Each opponent must attack with at least one creature each combat if able.