Exotic Orchard

{T}: Add one mana of any color that a land an opponent controls could produce.

Alpine Meadow

({T}: Add {R} or {W}.)
This land enters tapped.

Selesnya Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {G} or {W}.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Boomstacker

As this creature enters and whenever it attacks, stack two dice on top of it. (All dice must be stacked vertically, one on top of another.)
This creature gets +1/+1 for each die in its stack.
This creature attacks each combat if able.
When the stack falls, sacrifice this creature.

Manor Gate

This land enters tapped.
As this land enters, choose a color other than green.
{T}: Add {G} or one mana of the chosen color.

Booster Tutor

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Arcane Sanctum

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {W}, {U}, or {B}.

Baldur's Gate

{T}: Add {C}.
{2}, {T}: Add X mana of any one color, where X is the number of other Gates you control.

Carnivorous Death-Parrot

Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice this creature unless you say its flavor text.

Cramped Bunker

At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, that player moves a permanent they control to touch this enchantment and no other permanents. If the player can't, destroy each permanent they control that isn't touching this enchantment, then sacrifice it.

Infinity Elemental

Censorship

As this enchantment enters, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, this enchantment deals 2 damage to that player.

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Creature Guy

Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

It That Gets Left Hanging

When this creature enters, ask a person outside the game to high-five you. If they won't, this creature gains haste until end of turn.

Masterful Ninja

Haste
Reveal this card from your hand: Masterful Ninja is on the battlefield and in your hand until end of turn.
{1}{B}: This creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.

Hazmat Suit (Used)

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace.
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

Common Courtesy

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.
When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice this enchantment.

Miss Demeanor

Flying, first strike
At the beginning of each other player's upkeep, you may compliment that player on their game play. If you don't, sacrifice this creature.

Fat Ass

This creature gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Kill! Destroy!

Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

Laughing Hyena

Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.

Bloodletter

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice this creature. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile this Aura instead.

Johnny, Combo Player

{4}: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.

Bosom Buddy

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

Ambiguity

Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Handy Dandy Clone Machine

{2}, {T}: Create a 2/2 colorless Homunculus creature token. It must be represented by a unique hand and two fingers at all times, or it ceases to exist.

Handcuffs

As this enchantment enters, choose a player.
When the chosen player's hands aren't touching each other, sacrifice this enchantment and that player sacrifices three permanents.

Look at Me, I'm the DCI

Ban a card other than a basic land card for the rest of the match. (All cards with that name in any zone or sideboard are removed from the match.)

Whenever a creature deals damage to a player, that player may say "Ow" once for each permanent named Ow. If the player doesn't, this enchantment deals 1 damage to them.

Charm School

As this enchantment enters, choose a color and balance this enchantment on your head.
Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you by sources of the chosen color.
When this enchantment falls off your head, sacrifice this enchantment.

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if this card is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return this artifact to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see this artifact.
{2}, Sacrifice this artifact: Destroy target attacking creature.

Arctic Treeline

({T}: Add {G} or {W}.)
This land enters tapped.

Golgari Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B} or {G}.

Avatar of Me

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Simic Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {G} or {U}.

Gimme Five

You gain 1 life for each person who high-fives you in the next thirty seconds. Each player in an Un-game who high-fives you gains 1 life. (Offer high fives. Don't hit people.)

Mouth to Mouth

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

Izzet Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {U} or {R}.

Castle Vantress

This land enters tapped unless you control an Island.
{T}: Add {U}.
{2}{U}{U}, {T}: Scry 2.

Boros Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {R} or {W}.

Island

Hot Fix

You have ten seconds to look at and rearrange the cards in your library. At the end of those ten seconds, if you're touching one or more of those cards, shuffle.

Just Desserts

Just Desserts deals π damage to target creature. (π is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. (It's a smidgen more than 3.))

Face to Face

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Elvish House Party

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

Defective Detective

This creature can't be blocked.
When this creature enters, a person outside the game looks at target opponent's hand and chooses a card from it. That player reveals that card.

Cardpecker

Flying
Gotcha — If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.

Goblin Mime

Old Guard

{W}, {T}: Tap target creature without reminder text. (Reminder text is still any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Black Dragon Gate

This land enters tapped.
As this land enters, choose a color other than black.
{T}: Add {B} or one mana of the chosen color.

Sea Gate

This land enters tapped.
As this land enters, choose a color other than blue.
{T}: Add {U} or one mana of the chosen color.

Letter Bomb

When this artifact enters, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw this card. When that player draws this card, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Deal Damage

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Dimir Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {U} or {B}.

Number Crunch

Return target permanent to its owner's hand.
Gotcha — If an opponent says a number, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.

Fraction Jackson

{G}, {T}: Return target card with a ½ on it from your graveyard to your hand.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Azorius Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {W} or {U}.

Mother of Goons

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice this creature unless you insult that creature.

Archway Commons

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, sacrifice it unless you pay {1}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color.

Incoming!

Each player searches their library for any number of artifact, creature, enchantment, and/or land cards, puts them onto the battlefield, then shuffles.

Hangman

As this creature enters, secretly note a word with six to eight letters.
{1}: Target player who doesn't control this creature guesses the noted word or an unguessed letter in that word. If they guess wrong, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature. Any player may activate this ability.
When a player guesses the noted word or all of its letters, sacrifice this creature.

Flaccify

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}{½}.

Moniker Mage

{U}, Say your middle name: This creature gains shroud until end of turn.
{U}, Say an opponent's middle name: This creature gains flying until end of turn.

Goblin S.W.A.T. Team

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on this creature unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

Mox Lotus

{T}: Add {∞}.
{100}: Add one mana of any color.

Eye to Eye

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

Azorius Chancery

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, return a land you control to its owner's hand.
{T}: Add {W}{U}.

Hoisted Hireling

This creature has flying as long as it's being held above the battlefield.

Terramorphic Expanse

{T}, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Now I Know My ABC's

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

Citadel Gate

This land enters tapped.
As this land enters, choose a color other than white.
{T}: Add {W} or one mana of the chosen color.

Rakdos Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice this artifact.

Orzhov Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {W} or {B}.

Loose Lips

Enchant creature
As this Aura enters, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

Cliffgate

This land enters tapped.
As this land enters, choose a color other than red.
{T}: Add {R} or one mana of the chosen color.

My First Tome

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Kenrith, the Returned King

{R}: All creatures gain trample and haste until end of turn.
{1}{G}: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.
{2}{W}: Target player gains 5 life.
{3}{U}: Target player draws a card.
{4}{B}: Put target creature card from a graveyard onto the battlefield under its owner's control.

Deadhead

{0}: Return this card from your graveyard to the battlefield. Activate only if an opponent isn't touching their hand (of cards).

Baron Von Count

Baron Von Count enters with a doom counter on "5."
Whenever you cast a spell with the indicated numeral in its mana cost, text box, power, or toughness, move the doom counter one numeral to the left.
When the doom counter moves from "1," destroy target player and put that doom counter on "5."

Gond Gate

Gates you control enter untapped.
{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color that a Gate you control could produce.

B-I-N-G-O

Trample
Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.
This creature gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

City of Ass

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Battlefield Forge

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {R} or {W}. This land deals 1 damage to you.

Granny's Payback

Denied!

Choose a card name, then target spell's controller reveals their hand. If a card with the chosen name is revealed this way, counter that spell.