Guff Rewrites History

For each player, choose target nonenchantment, nonland permanent that player controls. Those permanents' owners shuffle them into their libraries. Each player who controlled one of those permanents exiles cards from the top of their library until they exile a nonland card, then puts the rest on the bottom of their library in a random order. Each player may cast the nonland card they exiled without paying its mana cost.

Sol Ring

Blood Crypt

({T}: Add {B} or {R}.)
As Blood Crypt enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Raphael, Fiendish Savior

Flying
Other Demons, Devils, Imps, and Tieflings you control get +1/+1 and have lifelink.
At the beginning of each end step, if a creature card was put into your graveyard from anywhere this turn, create a 1/1 red Devil creature token with "When this creature dies, it deals 1 damage to any target."

Transmogrant Altar

{B}, {T}, Sacrifice a creature: Add {C}{C}{C}.
{2}, {T}, Sacrifice a creature: Create a 3/3 colorless Zombie artifact creature token. Activate only as a sorcery.

Orca, Siege Demon

Trample
Whenever another creature dies, put a +1/+1 counter on Orca, Siege Demon.
When Orca dies, it deals damage equal to its power divided as you choose among any number of targets.

Rune-Scarred Demon

Flying
When this creature enters, search your library for a card, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Vat of Rebirth

Whenever another artifact or creature you control is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, put an oil counter on Vat of Rebirth.
{2}{B}, {T}, Remove four oil counters from Vat of Rebirth: Return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield. Activate only as a sorcery.

The Balrog of Moria

Trample, haste
When The Balrog of Moria dies, you may exile it. When you do, for each opponent, exile up to one target creature that player controls.
Cycling {3}{R} ({3}{R}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)
When you cycle The Balrog of Moria, create two Treasure tokens.

Phyrexian Altar

Sacrifice a creature: Add one mana of any color.

Tainted Peak

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}. Activate only if you control a Swamp.

Zurzoth, Chaos Rider

Whenever an opponent draws their first card each turn, if it's not their turn, you create a 1/1 red Devil creature token with "When this creature dies, it deals 1 damage to any target."
Whenever one or more Devils you control attack one or more players, you and those players each draw a card, then discard a card at random.

Lash of the Balrog

As an additional cost to cast this spell, sacrifice a creature or pay {4}.
Destroy target creature.

Mountain

Dragonskull Summit

Dragonskull Summit enters tapped unless you control a Swamp or a Mountain.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Claim the Precious

Destroy target creature. The Ring tempts you.

Cirith Ungol Patrol

{1}, {T}, Sacrifice another creature: Draw a card, then create a Food token. (It's an artifact with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.")

Faithless Looting

Draw two cards, then discard two cards.
Flashback {2}{R} (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)

Great Unclean One

Reverberating Summons — At the beginning of your end step, each opponent loses 2 life. Then for each opponent who has less life than you, create a 1/3 black Demon creature token named Plaguebearer of Nurgle.

Vampiric Rites

{1}{B}, Sacrifice a creature: You gain 1 life and draw a card.

Varragoth, Bloodsky Sire

Deathtouch
Boast — {1}{B}: Target player searches their library for a card, then shuffles and puts that card on top. (Activate only if this creature attacked this turn and only once each turn.)

Havoc Jester

Whenever you sacrifice a permanent, Havoc Jester deals 1 damage to any target.

Pain Distributor

Menace
Whenever a player casts their first spell each turn, they create a Treasure token.
Whenever an artifact an opponent controls is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, Pain Distributor deals 1 damage to that player.

Last-Ditch Effort

Sacrifice any number of creatures. Last-Ditch Effort deals that much damage to any target.

Obosh, the Preypiercer

Companion — Your starting deck contains only cards with odd mana values and land cards. (If this card is your chosen companion, you may put it into your hand from outside the game for {3} as a sorcery.)
If a source you control with an odd mana value would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals double that damage to that permanent or player instead.

Balor

Flying
Whenever Balor attacks or dies, choose one or more. Each mode must target a different player.
• Target opponent draws three cards, then discards three cards at random.
• Target opponent sacrifices a nontoken artifact of their choice.
• Balor deals damage to target opponent equal to the number of cards in their hand.

Jeska's Will

Choose one. If you control a commander as you cast this spell, you may choose both instead.
• Add {R} for each card in target opponent's hand.
• Exile the top three cards of your library. You may play them this turn.

Gríma Wormtongue

Your opponents can't gain life.
{T}, Sacrifice another creature: Target player loses 1 life. If the sacrificed creature was legendary, amass Orcs 2.

Patron of the Arts

When Patron of the Arts enters or dies, create a Treasure token. (It's an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.")

Showstopper

Until end of turn, creatures you control gain "When this creature dies, it deals 2 damage to target creature an opponent controls."

Skullclamp

Equipped creature gets +1/-1.
Whenever equipped creature dies, draw two cards.
Equip {1}

Foreboding Ruins

As Foreboding Ruins enters, you may reveal a Swamp or Mountain card from your hand. If you don't, Foreboding Ruins enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Drakuseth, Maw of Flames

Flying
Whenever Drakuseth attacks, it deals 4 damage to any target and 3 damage to each of up to two other targets.

Cabal Coffers

{2}, {T}: Add {B} for each Swamp you control.

Chaos Warp

The owner of target permanent shuffles it into their library, then reveals the top card of their library. If it's a permanent card, they put it onto the battlefield.

Hazoret's Monument

Red creature spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
Whenever you cast a creature spell, you may discard a card. If you do, draw a card.

Skullport Merchant

When Skullport Merchant enters, create a Treasure token. (It's an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.")
{1}{B}, Sacrifice another creature or a Treasure: Draw a card.

The Balrog, Durin's Bane

This spell costs {1} less to cast for each permanent sacrificed this turn.
Haste
The Balrog, Durin's Bane can't be blocked except by legendary creatures.
When The Balrog dies, destroy target artifact or creature an opponent controls.

Wayfarer's Bauble

{2}, {T}, Sacrifice Wayfarer's Bauble: Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Swamp

Spiteful Prankster

During your turn, Spiteful Prankster has first strike.
Whenever another creature dies, Spiteful Prankster deals 1 damage to target player or planeswalker.

Mahadi, Emporium Master

At the beginning of your end step, create a Treasure token for each creature that died this turn. (It's an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.")

Glittering Stockpile

{T}: Add {R}. Put a stash counter on Glittering Stockpile.
{T}, Sacrifice Glittering Stockpile: Add X mana of any one color, where X is the number of stash counters on Glittering Stockpile.

Ashnod's Altar

There and Back Again

(As this Saga enters and after your draw step, add a lore counter. Sacrifice after III.)
I — Up to one target creature can't block for as long as you control There and Back Again. The Ring tempts you.
II — Search your library for a Mountain card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.
III — Create Smaug, a legendary 6/6 red Dragon creature token with flying, haste, and "When this creature dies, create fourteen Treasure tokens."

Luxury Suite

Luxury Suite enters tapped unless you have two or more opponents.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Blood for the Blood God!

This spell costs {1} less to cast for each creature that died this turn.
Discard your hand, then draw eight cards. Blood for the Blood God! deals 8 damage to each opponent. Exile Blood for the Blood God!

Blasphemous Act

This spell costs {1} less to cast for each creature on the battlefield.
Blasphemous Act deals 13 damage to each creature.

Fireball

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each target beyond the first.
Fireball deals X damage divided evenly, rounded down, among any number of targets.

Devilish Valet

Trample, haste
Alliance — Whenever another creature you control enters, double Devilish Valet's power until end of turn.

Lorcan, Warlock Collector

Flying
Whenever a creature card is put into an opponent's graveyard from anywhere, you may pay life equal to its mana value. If you do, put it onto the battlefield under your control. It's a Warlock in addition to its other types.
If a Warlock you control would die, exile it instead.

Vexing Devil

When Vexing Devil enters, any opponent may have it deal 4 damage to them. If a player does, sacrifice Vexing Devil.

Heartless Hidetsugu

{T}: Heartless Hidetsugu deals damage to each player equal to half that player's life total, rounded down.

Reanimate

Put target creature card from a graveyard onto the battlefield under your control. You lose life equal to its mana value.

Valakut Stoneforge

Valakut Stoneforge enters tapped.
{T}: Add {R}.

Valakut Awakening

Put any number of cards from your hand on the bottom of your library, then draw that many cards plus one.

Valakut Awakening // Valakut Stoneforge

Herald of Slaanesh

Locus of Slaanesh — Demon spells you cast cost {2} less to cast.
Other Demons you control have haste.

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Footlight Fiend

When Footlight Fiend dies, it deals 1 damage to any target.

Not Dead After All

Until end of turn, target creature you control gains "When this creature dies, return it to the battlefield tapped under its owner's control, then create a Wicked Role token attached to it." (Enchanted creature gets +1/+1. When this Aura is put into a graveyard, each opponent loses 1 life.)

Dark Ritual

Haunted Ridge

Haunted Ridge enters tapped unless you control two or more other lands.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Smoldering Marsh

({T}: Add {B} or {R}.)
Smoldering Marsh enters tapped unless you control two or more basic lands.

Sam's Desperate Rescue

Return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand. The Ring tempts you.

Bastion of Remembrance

When Bastion of Remembrance enters, create a 1/1 white Human Soldier creature token.
Whenever a creature you control dies, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.

Mayhem Devil

Whenever a player sacrifices a permanent, Mayhem Devil deals 1 damage to any target.

Victimize

Choose two target creature cards in your graveyard. Sacrifice a creature. If you do, return the chosen cards to the battlefield tapped.

Black Market

Whenever a creature dies, put a charge counter on Black Market.
At the beginning of your first main phase, add {B} for each charge counter on Black Market.

Bontu's Monument

Black creature spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
Whenever you cast a creature spell, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.

Witty Roastmaster

Alliance — Whenever another creature you control enters, Witty Roastmaster deals 1 damage to each opponent.

Rakdos Carnarium

Rakdos Carnarium enters tapped.
When Rakdos Carnarium enters, return a land you control to its owner's hand.
{T}: Add {B}{R}.

Bojuka Bog

Bojuka Bog enters tapped.
When Bojuka Bog enters, exile target player's graveyard.
{T}: Add {B}.

Burn Down the House

Choose one —
• Burn Down the House deals 5 damage to each creature and each planeswalker.
• Create three 1/1 red Devil creature tokens with "When this creature dies, it deals 1 damage to any target." They gain haste until end of turn.

Sauron, the Lidless Eye

When Sauron, the Lidless Eye enters, gain control of target creature an opponent controls until end of turn. Untap it. It gains haste until end of turn.
{1}{B}{R}: Creatures you control get +2/+0 until end of turn. Each opponent loses 2 life.

Swarming of Moria

Create a Treasure token. (It's an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.")
Amass Orcs 2. (Put two +1/+1 counters on an Army you control. It's also an Orc. If you don't control an Army, create a 0/0 black Orc Army creature token first.)

Glóin, Dwarf Emissary

Whenever you cast a historic spell, create a Treasure token. This ability triggers only once each turn. (Artifacts, legendaries, and Sagas are historic.)
{T}, Sacrifice a Treasure: Goad target creature. (Until your next turn, that creature attacks each combat if able and attacks a player other than you if able.)

Lightning Bolt

Lightning Bolt deals 3 damage to any target.

Myriad Landscape

Myriad Landscape enters tapped.
{T}: Add {C}.
{2}, {T}, Sacrifice Myriad Landscape: Search your library for up to two basic land cards that share a land type, put them onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Deflecting Swat

If you control a commander, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.
You may choose new targets for target spell or ability.

Phyrexian Tower

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}, Sacrifice a creature: Add {B}{B}.

Tragic Slip

Target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn.
Morbid — That creature gets -13/-13 until end of turn instead if a creature died this turn.

Cadaver Imp

Flying
When Cadaver Imp enters, you may return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand.

Path of Ancestry

Path of Ancestry enters tapped.
{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity. When that mana is spent to cast a creature spell that shares a creature type with your commander, scry 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card on the bottom.)

Agent of the Iron Throne

Commander creatures you own have "Whenever an artifact or creature you control is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, each opponent loses 1 life."