Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

Alpha Guard

When Alpha Guard enters the battlefield, choose a letter.
{T}: Untap another target permanent whose name starts with the chosen letter.

Bosom Buddy

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

When Fluffy Bunnies Attack

Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.

Farewell to Arms

As Farewell to Arms enters the battlefield, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.
When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

Park Map

{1}, Sacrifice Park Map: Search your library for a land card that doesn't have the same art as a permanent you control, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Plains

Robo-Piñata

When Robo-Piñata dies, choose one —
• You get {TK}{TK}.
• You may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.

Ambassador Blorpityblorpboop

When Ambassador Blorpityblorpboop enters the battlefield, you get {TK}{TK}{TK}, then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
At the beginning of each combat, you may have Ambassador Blorpityblorpboop's base power become equal to the total power of all stickers on permanents you control and its base toughness become equal to those stickers' total toughness.

Xander's Lounge

({T}: Add {U}, {B}, or {R}.)
Xander's Lounge enters the battlefield tapped.
Cycling {3} ({3}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Unlawful Entry

Target creature gets +1/+0 and gains flying until end of turn.
Whenever you put an art sticker on a creature, you may return Unlawful Entry from your graveyard to your hand.

Dumb Ass

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.

Flaccify

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}{½}.

_____ Goblin

When this creature enters the battlefield, you may put a name sticker on it. Add {R} for each unique vowel on that sticker. (The vowels are A, E, I, O, U, and Y.)

Atomwheel Acrobats

Whenever you roll a 1 or 2, put that many +1/+1 counters on Atomwheel Acrobats.
{2}{G}: Roll a six-sided die.

Scooch

Add or subtract 1 from target creature's power, target player's life total, or target die roll's result.
Draw a card.

Punctuate

Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to half the number of punctuation marks in that creature's text box. (The punctuation marks are ! ? , ; : - — ( ) / " " ' ' & .)

Goblin Airbrusher

Whenever you place a sticker, create a Treasure token. If it's an art sticker, instead create two Treasure tokens. (They're artifacts with "{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.")

Clandestine Chameleon

When Clandestine Chameleon enters the battlefield, you get {TK}{TK}, then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
Clandestine Chameleon has all abilities of ability stickers on other permanents you own and cards in your graveyard.

Sol Ring

Seaside Haven

{T}: Add {C}.
{W}{U}, {T}, Sacrifice a Bird: Draw a card.

Chromatic Sphere

{1}, {T}, Sacrifice Chromatic Sphere: Add one mana of any color. Draw a card.

Child of Alara

Trample
When Child of Alara dies, destroy all nonland permanents. They can't be regenerated.

Goblin S.W.A.T. Team

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

Ignacio of Myra's Marvels

As Ignacio of Myra's Marvels enters the battlefield, choose armor, blood, book, bottle, fang, fire, scroll, spear, sword, or water.
Whenever you cast a spell with the chosen object in its art, create two Treasure tokens.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)

Monoxa, Midway Manager

Whenever you roll a 3 or higher, Monoxa, Midway Manager gains first strike until end of turn. If the roll was 4 or higher, it gains menace until end of turn. If the roll was 5 or higher, it gains lifelink until end of turn.
{6}: Roll a six-sided die.

Head to Head

You and target opponent play Seven Questions with the top card of that player's library. If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice. (To play Seven Questions, that player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that they answer truthfully. You guess the card's name—that's question seven—then the player reveals the card.)

Moniker Mage

{U}, Say your middle name: Moniker Mage gains shroud until end of turn.
{U}, Say an opponent's middle name: Moniker Mage gains flying until end of turn.

Kill! Destroy!

Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

Swamp

Monitor Monitor

When Monitor Monitor enters the battlefield, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
Once each turn, you may pay {1} to reroll one or more dice you rolled.

Bad Ass

Graphic Violence

All creatures with art by the artist of your choice get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.

Supersize

Target creature gets +3½/+3½ until end of turn.

Journey of Discovery

Choose one —
• Search your library for up to two basic land cards, reveal them, put them into your hand, then shuffle.
• You may play up to two additional lands this turn.
Entwine {2}{G} (Choose both if you pay the entwine cost.)

_____ Bird Gets the Worm

Flying
When this creature enters the battlefield, you may put a name sticker on it. You gain X life, where X is the number of unique vowels on that sticker. (The vowels are A, E, I, O, U, and Y.)

Mana Flair

Add {R} for each nonland permanent with art by the artist of your choice.

Pygmy Giant

{R}, {T}, Sacrifice a creature: Pygmy Giant deals X damage to target creature, where X is a number in the sacrificed creature's text box.

Tranquil Thicket

Tranquil Thicket enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add {G}.
Cycling {G} ({G}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Face to Face

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Fascist Art Director

{W}{W}: Fascist Art Director gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Zombie Fanboy

As Zombie Fanboy enters the battlefield, choose an artist.
Whenever a permanent with art by the chosen artist is put into a graveyard, put two +1/+1 counters on Zombie Fanboy.

Keeper of the Sacred Word

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Gray Merchant of Alphabet

When Gray Merchant of Alphabet enters the battlefield, choose a letter. For each creature you control that has the chosen letter in its name, you gain 1 life and each opponent loses 1 life.

Inner Fire

Park Re-Entry

Return up to two target creature cards that each have a hat and/or mana value 3 or less from your graveyard to the battlefield.

Island

Step Right Up

Open two Attractions. (Put the top two cards of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)

Rampant Growth

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Star Compass

Star Compass enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add one mana of any color that a basic land you control could produce.

Folk Medicine

You gain 1 life for each creature you control.
Flashback {1}{W} (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)

Blufferfish

{3}{U}: An opponent tells you a statement about themselves and secretly notes whether it's true or not. You guess which it is. If you guessed correctly, Blufferfish gets +2/+0 and can't be blocked this turn.

Artful Looter

{T}: Draw a card, then discard a card.
Whenever a permanent that shares an artist with another permanent you control enters the battlefield, untap Artful Looter.

Name Dropping

Gotcha — If an opponent says a word that's in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return that card to your hand.

Boing!

Return target creature to its owner's hand, then roll a six-sided die. If the result is 3 or less, scry a number of cards equal to the result.

Circuits Act

Roll three six-sided dice. For each different result, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.

Volcanic Hammer

Volcanic Hammer deals 3 damage to any target.

Mouth to Mouth

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

Lightning Bolt

Lightning Bolt deals 3 damage to any target.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Scampire

When Scampire enters the battlefield, you get {TK}, then you may put a sticker on a creature card in your graveyard.
{3}{B}: Return target creature card with a sticker on it from your graveyard to the battlefield. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step. Activate only as a sorcery.

Touch and Go

Destroy target land.
Gotcha — If an opponent touches their face, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Touch and Go from your graveyard to your hand.

Soul Swindler

As long as you've visited an Attraction this turn, Soul Swindler has indestructible. (Damage and effects that say "destroy" don't destroy it.)
When Soul Swindler enters the battlefield, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)

Forest

Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy One)

If you control two or more white permanents that share an artist, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.
Exile target enchantment.

Standing Army

As long as you're standing, Standing Army has vigilance.

Wordmail

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

Mountain

Double Header

Flying
When Double Header enters the battlefield, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

Decisions, Decisions

Reveal the top three cards of your library, then choose a consonant. (Y counts.) Put each card that has the chosen letter in the first word of its name from among them into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order.

Elvish House Party

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.