Neural Network

Whenever you crank Neural Network, gain control of target creature an opponent controls with power less than or equal to the number of creature cards in its controller's graveyard until end of turn. Untap that creature. It gains haste until end of turn.

Gnomeball Machine

Whenever you crank Gnomeball Machine, create two 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature tokens.

Bee-Bee Gun

Whenever you crank Bee-Bee Gun, until end of turn, target creature gains "{2}: This creature fights another target creature."

Touch and Go

Destroy target land.
Gotcha — If an opponent touches their face, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Touch and Go from your graveyard to your hand.

Mother Kangaroo

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Put a number of +1/+1 counters on this creature equal to the result.

Three-Headed Goblin

Triple strike (This creature deals first-strike, regular, and last-strike combat damage.)

Top-Secret Tunnel

Whenever you crank Top-Secret Tunnel, target creature can't be blocked this turn.

Letter Bomb

When Letter Bomb enters, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw Letter Bomb. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Work a Double

Assemble two Contraptions. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets. Then repeat this process.)

Hard Hat Area

Whenever you crank Hard Hat Area, roll two six-sided dice. Hard Hat Area assembles a number of Contraptions equal to the difference between those results. (To assemble a Contraption, put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Fat Ass

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Sundering Fork

Whenever you crank Sundering Fork, destroy target artifact.

Six-y Beast

As Six-y Beast enters, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice Six-y Beast after it enters.

Yet Another Aether Vortex

All creatures have haste.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.

Arms Depot

Whenever you crank Arms Depot, put two +1/+1 counters on target creature.

Contraption Cannon

{2}, Sacrifice Contraption Cannon: It deals damage to any target equal to the number of Contraptions you control.

Hammer Jammer

As Hammer Jammer enters, roll a six-sided die. Hammer Jammer enters with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.
Whenever you roll a die, remove all +1/+1 counters from Hammer Jammer, then put a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.

Rapid Prototyper

Whenever you crank Rapid Prototyper, create an X/X colorless Construct artifact creature token, where X is the number of artifacts you control.

The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service

The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service deals X damage to each of Y target creatures and Z target players or planeswalkers.

Dual Doomsuits

Whenever you crank Dual Doomsuits, each time a source you control would deal damage this turn, it deals double that damage instead.

Side to Side

You and target opponent arm-wrestle. If you win, create a 3/3 green Ape creature token.

Steamflogger of the Month

When Steamflogger of the Month enters, it assembles a Contraption for each Contraption you control. (To assemble a Contraption, put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Mox Lotus

{T}: Add {∞}.
{100}: Add one mana of any color.

Sap Sucker

Whenever you crank Sap Sucker, add {G}. Until end of turn, you don't lose this mana as steps and phases end.

Willing Test Subject

Reach
Whenever you roll a 4 or higher on a die, put a +1/+1 counter on Willing Test Subject.
{6}: Roll a six-sided die.

Creature Guy

Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Division Table

Whenever you crank Division Table, target player loses 2 life.

Selfie Preservation

Search your library for a basic land card and reveal it. If there's a tree in its art, put it onto the battlefield tapped. Otherwise, put it into your hand. Then shuffle.

Stone-Cold Basilisk

Whenever Stone-Cold Basilisk blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.)
Whenever an opponent reads Stone-Cold Basilisk, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.

Guest List

Whenever you crank Guest List, target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of creature cards in its controller's graveyard.

Jamming Device

Whenever you crank Jamming Device, creatures target player controls get -1/-1 until end of turn.

Modular Monstrosity

Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you have five seconds to choose a keyword you haven't chosen for a card named Modular Monstrosity today that's been printed on a creature card. If you do, Modular Monstrosity gains that ability. Otherwise, Modular Monstrosity loses all keyword abilities.

Genetic Recombinator

Whenever you crank Genetic Recombinator, up to two target creatures each get +2/+2 until end of turn.

Oaken Power Suit

Whenever you crank Oaken Power Suit, target creature gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the greatest power among creatures you control.

Ricochet

Whenever a player casts a spell that targets a single player, each player rolls a six-sided die. Change the target of that spell to the player with the lowest result. Reroll to break ties, if necessary.

Half-Orc, Half-

Trample
At the beginning of each end step, if an opponent was dealt damage this turn,
Augment {1}{R}{R} ({1}{R}{R}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Strategy, Schmategy

Roll a six-sided die. Strategy, Schmategy has the indicated effect.
1 — Do nothing.
2 — Destroy all artifacts.
3 — Destroy all lands.
4 — Strategy, Schmategy deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.
5 — Each player discards their hand and draws seven cards.
6 — Repeat this process two more times.

City of Ass

City of Ass enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Joyride Rigger

When Joyride Rigger enters, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Forest

Keeper of the Sacred Word

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Multi-Headed

At the beginning of each end step, if you rolled a die this turn,
Augment {4}{G} ({4}{G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Garbage Elemental

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)
Battalion — Whenever Garbage Elemental and at least two other creatures attack, target creature can't block this turn.

Chittering Doom

Whenever you roll a 4 or higher on a die, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Auto-Key

Whenever you crank Auto-Key, until end of turn, target creature becomes an artifact in addition to its other types and gains "{T}: You gain 3 life."

Dispatch Dispensary

Whenever you crank Dispatch Dispensary, create a 2/2 black Rogue creature token with menace.

Steamflogger Service Rep

Whenever another Goblin you control enters, you may pay {1}. If you do, Steamflogger Service Rep assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Half-Squirrel, Half-

Whenever a nontoken creature enters,
Augment {G} ({G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Clever Combo

Search your library for a host card or a card with augment, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Twiddlestick Charger

Whenever you crank Twiddlestick Charger, tap or untap target creature.

Gift Horse

Whenever you crank Gift Horse, roll two six-sided dice. Create a number of 1/1 red Goblin creature tokens equal to the difference between those results.

Squirrel Farm

{1}{G}: Reveal a card in your hand, covering the artist credit. Target opponent guesses the artist. If they guess wrong, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Widget Contraption

Whenever you crank Widget Contraption, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Face to Face

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Labro Bot

When this creature enters, return target host card or card with augment from your graveyard to your hand.

Hydradoodle

As Hydradoodle enters, roll X six-sided dice. Hydradoodle enters with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the total of those results.
Reach, trample

As Luck Would Have It

Hexproof
Whenever you roll a die, put a number of luck counters on As Luck Would Have It equal to the result. Then if there are 100 or more luck counters on As Luck Would Have It, you win the game. (Count both rolls if you reroll a die.)

The Countdown Is at One

Players play a Magic subgame, starting at 1 life and using their libraries as their decks. For the rest of the main game, if a source would deal damage to a player who didn't win the subgame, it deals double that damage to that player instead.

Cardboard Carapace

Enchant creature
For each other card named Cardboard Carapace you have with you outside the game, enchanted creature gets +1/+1.

Targeting Rocket

Whenever you crank Targeting Rocket, target creature blocks this turn if able.

Thud-for-Duds

Whenever you crank Thud-for-Duds, roll two six-sided dice. Thud-for-Duds deals damage to target creature equal to the difference between those results.

Record Store

Whenever you crank Record Store, look at the top X cards of your library, where X is the number of artifacts you control. Put one of those cards into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.

Tread Mill

Whenever you crank Tread Mill, until end of turn, target creature gets +1/+2, gains vigilance, and becomes an artifact in addition to its other types.

Deadly Poison Sampler

Whenever you crank Deadly Poison Sampler, until end of turn, target creature gains "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, destroy target creature that player controls."

Name Dropping

Gotcha — If an opponent says a word that's in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return that card to your hand.

Optical Optimizer

Whenever you crank Optical Optimizer, until end of turn, target creature becomes an artifact in addition to its other types and gains "{T}: Draw a card."

Inflation Station

Whenever you crank Inflation Station, target creature gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Lackey Recycler

Whenever you crank Lackey Recycler, put target creature card from your graveyard on top of your library.

Boomflinger

Whenever you crank Boomflinger, roll two six-sided dice. Boomflinger deals damage to target player or planeswalker equal to the difference between those results.

Deal Damage

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Quick-Stick Lick Trick

Whenever you crank Quick-Stick Lick Trick, target creature gets +1/+1 and gains lifelink until end of turn.

Krark's Other Thumb

If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

First Pick

Destroy target artifact or enchantment. Assemble a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Turbo-Thwacking Auto-Hammer

Whenever you crank Turbo-Thwacking Auto-Hammer, target creature gains double strike until end of turn.

Wrench-Rigger

When Wrench-Rigger enters, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Faerie Aerie

Whenever you crank Faerie Aerie, create two 1/1 blue Faerie Spy creature tokens with flying, haste, and "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, draw a card." Exile them at the beginning of the next end step.

Dogsnail Engine

Whenever you crank Dogsnail Engine, target player gains life equal to the greatest power among creatures you control.

Refibrillator

Whenever you crank Refibrillator, return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand.

Feisty Stegosaurus

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. This creature deals damage equal to the result to target creature an opponent controls.

Flock of Rabid Sheep

Flip X coins. For each flip you win, create a 2/2 green Sheep creature token named Rabid Sheep.

Mandatory Friendship Shackles

Whenever you crank Mandatory Friendship Shackles, target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn.

Head Banger

Whenever you crank Head Banger, target creature must be blocked this turn if able.

Insufferable Syphon

Whenever you crank Insufferable Syphon, target player discards a card.

Timmy, Power Gamer

{4}: You may put a creature card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Kindslaver

{5}, {T}, Sacrifice Kindslaver: A person outside the game controls target player during that player's next turn. Neither player may advise that person until the end of that turn.

B-I-N-G-O

Trample
Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

Buzz Buggy

Whenever you crank Buzz Buggy, target creature gets +2/+0 and gains trample until end of turn.

Pet Project

Whenever you crank Pet Project, put target creature card from an opponent's graveyard onto the battlefield under your control.

Cramped Bunker

At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, that player moves a permanent they control to touch Cramped Bunker and no other permanents. If the player can't, destroy each permanent they control that isn't touching Cramped Bunker, then sacrifice it.

My First Tome

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Infinity Elemental

Earl of Squirrel

Squirrellink (Damage dealt by this creature also causes you to create that many 1/1 green Squirrel creature tokens.)
Creature tokens you control are Squirrels in addition to their other creature types.
Other Squirrels you control get +1/+1.

Squirrel Dealer

When Squirrel Dealer enters, ask a person outside the game "Do you like Squirrels?" If they do, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Accessories to Murder

Whenever you crank Accessories to Murder, target creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of creatures you control.

Painiac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. Painiac gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the result.

Red-Hot Hottie

Whenever Red-Hot Hottie deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."

Steamfloggery

Roll a six-sided die. Assemble a number of Contraptions equal to the result. (To assemble a Contraption, put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Punctuate

Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to half the number of punctuation marks in that creature's text box. (The punctuation marks are ! ? , ; : - — ( ) / " " ' ' & .)

Angelic Rocket

Flying
When this creature enters, you may destroy target nonland permanent.

Goblin S.W.A.T. Team

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.