Disemvowel

Destroy target creature. That creature's controller loses 1 life for each unique vowel in the creature's name. (The vowels are A, E, I, O, U, and Y.)

Juggletron

Trample
Whenever Juggletron attacks, you may put an art sticker on it.
Juggletron gets +3/+0 for each item in its art that's not touching Juggletron, another item, or the card frame.

Gray Merchant of Alphabet

When Gray Merchant of Alphabet enters, choose a letter. For each creature you control that has the chosen letter in its name, you gain 1 life and each opponent loses 1 life.

Pie-roclasm

Pie-roclasm deals π damage to each non-Clown creature. (How to calculate π isn't important. It's a smidgen more than 3.)

Omniclown Colossus

Affinity for Clowns (This spell costs {1} less to cast for each Clown you control.)
Trample

Omniclown Colossus // Pie-roclasm

Goblin Girder Gang

Reach
Whenever you roll a die, if the result isn't stored on Goblin Girder Gang, you may store that result on it. When you do, Goblin Girder Gang deals 1 damage to any target without a hat.
Goblin Girder Gang gets +1/+0 for each result stored on it.

Icing Manipulator

Each +1/+1 counter on a creature you control is also a Food token. (It's an artifact with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.")
{3}{G}, {T}: Roll two six-sided dice. For each odd result, put a +1/+1 counter on a creature of your choice. Activate only as a sorcery.

Busted!

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {X}, where X is the number of words in the name with the most words among permanents you control.

Animate Object

You get seven {TK}. Choose an inanimate object you own from outside the game. Put a power and toughness sticker on it. You may also put a name sticker, an art sticker, and/or an ability sticker on it. Put it onto the battlefield as a creature token.

Angelic Harold

Flying
When Angelic Harold enters, you may put a name sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
Each creature you control with three or more words in its name gets +1/+1.

Park Re-Entry

Return up to two target creature cards that each have a hat and/or mana value 3 or less from your graveyard to the battlefield.

Gift Shop

Visit — Choose one that hasn't been chosen.
• Create a 1/1 red Balloon creature token with flying.
• Create a 2/2 pink Teddy Bear creature token.
• Create two Food tokens.
• You get {TK}{TK}{TK}.
• You may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.

Push Your Luck

Visit — Reveal cards from the top of your library until you decide to stop. If the total mana value of the cards revealed this way is 7 or less, create a 2/2 pink Teddy Bear creature token. If the total is exactly 7, claim the prize! Shuffle the revealed cards into your library.
Prize — Put five +1/+1 counters on a Teddy Bear you control. It gains haste. Sacrifice Push Your Luck and open an Attraction.

Pie-Eating Contest

As an additional cost to cast this spell, gobble X. (Each time you gobble, take a bite of food or sacrifice a Food token.)
X target creatures you control each get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.

Alpha Guard

When Alpha Guard enters, choose a letter.
{T}: Untap another target permanent whose name starts with the chosen letter.

Treacherous Trapezist

Flying
Whenever you cast an alliterative spell, scry 2. (Anything with two or more capitalized words in its name that begin with the same letter is alliterative.)
Other alliterative creatures you control have flying.

Assembled Ensemble

Vigilance
Assembled Ensemble's power is equal to the number of Robots you control.
Whenever you cast a spell with an artifact creature in its art, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.

Jetpack Janitor

Alpha strike (This creature has first strike as long as it's blocking or being blocked by a creature that comes after it alphabetically.)

"Brims" Barone, Midway Mobster

When "Brims" Barone, Midway Mobster enters, put a +1/+1 counter on each other creature you control that has a hat.
"Brims" Barone, Midway Mobster has menace as long as you're wearing a hat.

Decisions, Decisions

Reveal the top three cards of your library, then choose a consonant. (Y counts.) Put each card that has the chosen letter in the first word of its name from among them into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order.

Astroquarium

When Astroquarium enters, you may put an art sticker on it.
{1}, {T}: Until end of turn, target creature becomes a blue Shark with base power and toughness 4/4. If the cracks in Astroquarium's art are completely covered, that creature becomes a blue Octopus with base power and toughness 8/8 instead. Activate only as a sorcery.

Hat Trick

Target blocking or blocked creature you control gets +1/+1 and gains first strike until end of turn. If it has a hat, it gains double strike until end of turn. If you and that creature each have a hat, the creature gains triple strike until end of turn.

Goblin Blastronauts

When Goblin Blastronauts enters, open an Attraction.
Whenever you roll a 6, you may copy the spell, ability, or Attraction visit that caused you to roll that die. You may choose new targets for the copy.

Animate Graveyard

Enchant your graveyard
Enchanted graveyard is a creature on the battlefield with base power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It has the text boxes of all creature cards in it. It's still a graveyard.
If enchanted graveyard would leave the battlefield, instead exile Animate Graveyard.

Haberthrasher

Deathtouch
Whenever another creature you control that has a hat enters or a hat sticker is put on a creature you control, each opponent loses 1 life.

Aardwolf's Advantage

Creatures you control get +2/+0 and gain alpha strike until end of turn. (A creature with alpha strike has first strike as long as it's blocking or being blocked by a creature that comes after it alphabetically.)

T.A.P.P.E.R.

{T}, Tap an untapped creature you control that has a hat: Tap target creature.

Rat in the Hat

{T}, Sacrifice Rat in the Hat: Until end of turn, you may cast target creature card that has a hat from your graveyard.

Plot Armor

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+2 and can't be blocked except by creatures with flavor text.

Nocturno of Myra's Marvels

As Nocturno of Myra's Marvels enters, choose a word with five or more letters.
Whenever you cast a spell with the chosen word in its rules text, you draw a card and you lose 2 life.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)

Centrifuge

Visit — Each player draws a card from the library of the player to their right. You create three Treasure tokens.

Hardy of Myra's Marvels

As Hardy of Myra's Marvels enters, choose a number.
Whenever you cast a spell with the chosen number of lines of flavor text, put that many +1/+1 counters on target creature.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)

Main Event Horizon

As an additional cost to cast this spell, choose A through M or N through Z.
Destroy each creature whose name begins with a letter in the chosen range.

Goblin Cruciverbalist

Haste
When Goblin Cruciverbalist enters, create a colorless artifact token named your choice of A, E, I, O, or U.
Whenever Goblin Cruciverbalist attacks, using the first letters of the names of permanents you control, spell a word you haven't spelled this game. It gets +1/+0 until end of turn for each letter in that word.

Scooch

Add or subtract 1 from target creature's power, target player's life total, or target die roll's result.
Draw a card.

Trigger Happy

Choose a triggered ability of target permanent. It triggers. You control that ability.

Leading Performance

Choose two letters. Put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control whose name begins with either of the chosen letters.

Fluros of Myra's Marvels

As Fluros of Myra's Marvels enters, choose a number greater than 0.
Whenever you cast a spell with power, toughness, or loyalty equal to the chosen number, target artifact or creature becomes an artifact creature with base power and toughness X/X until end of turn, where X is the chosen number.
Partner

Truss, Chief Engineer

Whenever Truss, Chief Engineer enters or another creature dies, put a hack counter on Truss.
{2}, {T}, Remove X hack counters from Truss: Add or subtract X from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn. This effect can't reduce a number below 1 or a number word below one.

Knight in _____ Armor

First strike
As this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on it.
This creature has protection from names that start with the same letter as a name sticker on it.

Solaflora, Intergalactic Icon

Auras and Equipment you control attached to Solaflora, Intergalactic Icon affect other creatures you control as though those Auras and Equipment were attached to them.
Counters and stickers on Solaflora affect other creatures you control as though those counters and stickers were on them.