Ashnod's Coupon

{T}, Sacrifice Ashnod's Coupon: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.

Witty Demon

Flying
When Witty Demon enters, if your starting library had at least 13 cards over the minimum, search your library for a card and put that card into your hand, then shuffle your library. Otherwise, Witty Demon deals 4 damage to you.

Handy Dandy Clone Machine

{2}, {T}: Create a 2/2 colorless Homunculus creature token. It must be represented by a unique hand and two fingers at all times, or it ceases to exist.

R&D's Secret Lair

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.
{T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

Mesa Chicken

Stand up, Flap your arms, Cluck like a chicken: Mesa Chicken gains flying until end of turn.

Spike, Tournament Grinder

({B/P} can be paid with either {B} or 2 life.)
{B/P}{B/P}{B/P}{B/P}: Reveal a card you own from outside the game that has been banned or restricted in a Constructed format and put it into your hand.

Oddly Uneven

Choose one —
• Destroy each creature with an odd number of words in its name. (Hyphenated words are one word.)
• Destroy each creature with an even number of words in its name.

Trapeze Artist

Flying
Trapeze Artist enters by being flipped from a height of at least one foot (about 0.3 meters). If it lands face down or didn't turn over completely at least once during the flip, return it to its owner's hand.

A Real Handful

As long as one or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it gets +2/+2.
As long as two or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it has menace.
As long as three or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it has lifelink.

Leading Performance

Choose two letters. Put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control whose name begins with either of the chosen letters.

Voracious Vacuum

When this creature enters, put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.

Working Stiff

As Working Stiff enters, straighten your arms.
When you bend an elbow, sacrifice Working Stiff.

Ruff, Underdog Champ

All Hounds are Dogs. (We'll errata this to be true.)
First strike, lifelink
Underdog — If you've lost a game this match, Ruff, Underdog Champ and other Dogs you control get +1/+1.

Whenever a creature deals damage to a player, that player may say "Ow" once for each permanent named Ow. If the player doesn't, Ow deals 1 damage to them.

The Cheese Stands Alone

When you control no permanents other than The Cheese Stands Alone and have no cards in hand, you win the game.

Angelic Rocket

Flying
When this creature enters, you may destroy target nonland permanent.

Bloodletter

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

Snickering Squirrel

You may tap Snickering Squirrel to increase the result of a die any player rolled by 1.

Sunimret

Reverse miracle {B} (If this card is on the bottom of your library as you begin searching it, you may cast it by paying its reverse miracle cost.)
Exile all creatures.

Look at Me, I'm R&D

As Look at Me, I'm R&D comes into play, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than that number.
All instances of the first chosen number on permanents, spells, and cards in any zone are the second chosen number.

Form of the Approach of the Second Sun

When this enchantment enters, you gain 7 life. You become a card until you leave your library or that library is shuffled. Put yourself seventh from the top, balancing the cards on top of you on your head.
When you draw yourself, you win the game.
When one or more cards fall off your head, exile them and all cards on your head, then sacrifice this enchantment.

Cardpecker

Flying
Gotcha — If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.

When Fluffy Bunnies Attack

Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

First Come, First Served

Each attacking or blocking creature with the lowest collector number among attacking or blocking creatures has first strike.

Bat-

Flying
At the beginning of each end step, if an opponent lost 3 or more life this turn,
Augment {1}{B} ({1}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Knight of the Kitchen Sink

First strike, protection from two-word names (Nothing with exactly two words in its name can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature. Hyphenated words are one word.)

Curious Killbot

Corrupted Key

As long as Corrupted Key is tapped, creatures you control have menace and deathtouch.

Organ Harvest

Your team may sacrifice any number of creatures. For each creature sacrificed this way, you add {B}{B}.

Flavor Judge

{T}: Choose target spell or ability that targets a permanent you control. Then ask a person outside the game if the story of what will happen makes sense. If they say no, sacrifice Flavor Judge and counter that spell or ability.

D00-DL, Caricaturist

When D00-DL, Caricaturist enters, create a 4/4 colorless Sketch creature token, which you have fifteen seconds to draw. The token has flying if it has wings in its art. The same is true for first strike and a sword, vigilance and a shield, menace and mean eyes, trample and horns, deathtouch and claws, lifelink and fangs, and haste and footwear.

Bosom Buddy

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

T.A.P.P.E.R.

{T}, Tap an untapped creature you control that has a hat: Tap target creature.

Animate Graveyard

Enchant your graveyard
Enchanted graveyard is a creature on the battlefield with base power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It has the text boxes of all creature cards in it. It's still a graveyard.
If enchanted graveyard would leave the battlefield, instead exile Animate Graveyard.

Booster Tutor

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Hazmat Suit (Used)

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace.
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

Jester's Sombrero

{2}, {T}, Sacrifice Jester's Sombrero: Look at target player's sideboard, choose three cards from it, and remove those cards from the match.

Bad Ass

Circle of Protection: Art

As Circle of Protection: Art enters, choose an artist.
{1}{W}: The next time a source of your choice with art by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.
{1}{W}: Return Circle of Protection: Art to its owner's hand.

Mother of Goons

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

Jackknight

Whenever another artifact you control enters, put a +1/+1 counter on Jackknight. If that artifact is a Contraption, Jackknight gains lifelink until end of turn.

Gold Mine

{T}: Add {C}.
Legacy — {T}, Mark one of Gold Mine's unmarked nodes: Add one mana of any color.
☐, ☐, ☐, ☐, ☐

Krark's Other Thumb

If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.

Tainted Monkey

{T}: Choose a word. Target player mills a card. If a card with the chosen word in its text box was milled this way, they lose 3 life.

Handcuffs

As Handcuffs enters, choose a player.
When the chosen player's hands aren't touching each other, sacrifice Handcuffs and that player sacrifices three permanents.

Scaled Destruction

Choose one or more —
• Destroy all small creatures.
• Destroy all medium creatures.
• Destroy all large creatures.
(A small creature has total power and toughness 4 or less, medium is 5—8, and large is 9 or more.)

Mad Science Fair Project

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or lower, target player adds {C}. Otherwise, that player adds one mana of any color they choose.

Wet Willie of the Damned

Wet Willie of the Damned deals 2½ damage to any target and you gain 2½ life.

Mox Lotus

{T}: Add {∞}.
{100}: Add one mana of any color.

Kaya, Ghost Haunter

0: Exile Kaya, Ghost Haunter haunting target creature for as long as that creature remains on the battlefield.
−1: You get an emblem with, "At the beginning of your upkeep, this emblem deals 3 damage to the owner of target haunted creature."
−2: You get an emblem with, "At the beginning of your upkeep, gain control of target haunted creature for as long as it remains haunted."

Priority Avenger

Flying
Players can't cast instant spells unless a spell or ability is on the stack.

Do-It-Yourself Seraph

Flying
Whenever Do-It-Yourself Seraph attacks, you may search your library for an artifact card, exile it, then shuffle.
Do-It-Yourself Seraph has the text box of each card exiled with Do-It-Yourself Seraph in addition to its own.

Zombified

{4}{B}: Combine Zombified from your graveyard with target host.
{2}{B}, Exile a creature card from your graveyard:
Augment {4}{B} ({4}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Stinging Scorpion

When this creature enters, target creature an opponent controls gets -1/-1 until end of turn.

First strike, protection from odd collector numbers (Nothing with an odd collector number can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Rift

Before drawing your hand, you may start the game with Rift in your opening hand. If you do, draw one fewer card. (Mulligans continue as normal.)
Rift enters tapped.
{T}: Add {C}.

Scissors Lizard

Creatures named Paper Tiger can't attack or block.

Big Boa Constrictor

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Target opponent loses life equal to the result.

Split Screen

When Split Screen enters, shuffle your library and deal it into four libraries. If anything refers to your library, choose one of your libraries for it.
Play with your libraries' top cards revealed.
When Split Screen leaves the battlefield, shuffle your libraries together.

Haberthrasher

Deathtouch
Whenever another creature you control that has a hat enters or a hat sticker is put on a creature you control, each opponent loses 1 life.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

You're in Command

Choose target creature you own and control. That creature becomes your commander. Any other commanders you have are no longer your commander. (That creature starts with a commander tax of {0}.)

Double Dip

Choose another player. You gain 5 life. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, you gain 5 life.

Park Map

{1}, Sacrifice Park Map: Search your library for a land card that doesn't have the same art as a permanent you control, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Inhumaniac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or 4, put a +1/+1 counter on Inhumaniac. On a 5 or higher, put two +1/+1 counters on it. On a 1, remove all +1/+1 counters from Inhumaniac.

Sacrifice Play

A person outside the game chooses an attacking or blocking creature target opponent controls. That player sacrifices that creature.

Now You See Me . . .

Exile target creature you control, then return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with X +1/+1 counters on it, where X is the number of mirrors on walls you can see from your seat.

Everlasting Lich

Everlasting Lich can't block.
Everlasting Lich can't die. (This creature has indestructible, can't be sacrificed, and doesn't go to the graveyard for having 0 toughness.)

Underdome

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

Steam-Powered

{5}:
Augment {4} ({4}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy One)

If you control two or more white permanents that share an artist, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.
Exile target enchantment.

Exit Through the Grift Shop

Yell "Who wants a souvenir?" and announce the name of a nonland card in your graveyard. Each player in an Un-game who can hear you may bid life. You start the bidding at 0. The high bidder loses life equal to the high bid. They copy the card and may cast the copy without paying its mana cost. If you didn't win the bid, you gain life equal to the high bid and create that many Treasure tokens.

Vile Bile

Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches Vile Bile, that player loses 2 life.

Wizened Arbiter

When Wizened Arbiter enters, you may reveal a white card you own from outside the game. If you do, exchange that card with a card in your hand.

Old-Fashioned Vampire

Flying
Old-Fashioned Vampire gets +2/+2 and has deathtouch as long as it's dark outdoors.

Phyrexian Librarian

Flying, trample
At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library and balance it on your body.
When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced card, sacrifice Phyrexian Librarian.

Solaflora, Intergalactic Icon

Auras and Equipment you control attached to Solaflora, Intergalactic Icon affect other creatures you control as though those Auras and Equipment were attached to them.
Counters and stickers on Solaflora affect other creatures you control as though those counters and stickers were on them.

Sly Spy

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, you may destroy target creature facing right in its art. (Creatures without faces don't face anywhere.)

B.F.M. (Big Furry Monster)

You must cast both B.F.M. cards to put
leaves the battlefield, sacrifice the other.
B.F.M. can't be blocked except by three or

Success!

Target creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn. If it's a host or has augment, it gains lifelink until end of turn.

Proper Laboratory Attire

Equipped creature gets +2/+1 and has protection from die rolls. (Nothing that lets a player roll a die can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to equipped creature.)
Equip {2}

Ninja

You may activate Ninja's augment ability any time you could cast an instant.
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player,
Augment {2}{B} ({2}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as—oh, never mind.)

Staff of the Letter Magus

As Staff of the Letter Magus enters, choose a consonant other than N, R, S, or T.
Whenever a player casts a spell, you gain 1 life for each time the chosen letter appears in that spell's name.

Spellmorph Raise Dead

Return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand.
Spellmorph {B} (You may cast this card face down as a 2/2 creature for {3}. Cast it any time for its spellmorph cost.)

Stop That

Target player discards a card.
Gotcha — If an opponent audibly flicks the cards in their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Stop That from your graveyard to your hand.

Drawn Together

As Drawn Together enters, choose an artist.
Creatures with art by the chosen artist get +2/+2.

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, roll a six-sided die. That player loses life equal to the result.

Unicycle

First strike, haste
Equipped creature has first strike and haste.
Equip {1}
Crew 1

Scooch

Add or subtract 1 from target creature's power, target player's life total, or target die roll's result.
Draw a card.

Syr Cadian, Knight Owl

Knightlifelink (Damage dealt by Knights you control also causes you to gain that much life.)
{W}: Syr Cadian, Knight Owl gains vigilance until end of turn. Activate only from sunrise to sunset.
{B}: Syr Cadian, Knight Owl gains flying until end of turn. Activate only from sunset to sunrise.

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, that player reveals the top card of their library. Put that card into your hand and you lose life equal to its mana value.

Far Out

Rather than choose the indicated number of modes for spells and abilities you control, you may choose one or more modes. You can't choose any mode more than once.

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, that player loses a finger until Sly Spy leaves the battlefield. (The finger is chosen by its owner and can't roll dice or touch cards.)

Blue Ribbon

When Blue Ribbon enters, ask a person outside the game which creature you control is most deserving of a blue ribbon. Attach Blue Ribbon to that creature.
Equipped creature has best in show. (Whenever another creature becomes the target of a spell or ability you control, you may copy that spell or ability. If you do, the copy targets this creature.)
Equip {3}

Rules Lawyer

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

Bar Entry

Choose one —
• Destroy target creature with power 4 or greater.
• Destroy target creature with any part of its head higher than the bar. (Align the tops of both cards to check.)

Temp of the Damned

As Temp of the Damned enters, roll a six-sided die. Temp of the Damned enters with a number of funk counters on it equal to the result.
At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a funk counter from Temp of the Damned. If you can't, sacrifice it.

Banding Sliver

All Slivers have banding. (Any creatures with banding, and up to one without, can attack in a band. Bands are blocked as a group. If any creatures with banding you control are blocking or being blocked by a creature, you divide that creature's combat damage, not its controller, among any of the creatures it's being blocked by or is blocking.)

Clock of DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

{4}, {T}: Move the CRANK! counter to your Contraption deck's next sprocket and crank any number of that sprocket's Contraptions.

Xyru Specter

Flying
Whenever Xyru Specter deals damage to an opponent, that player discards a card unless they challenge you. If challenged, and you show them two black cards in your hand, they must discard two cards.

Contraption Cannon

{2}, Sacrifice Contraption Cannon: It deals damage to any target equal to the number of Contraptions you control.

Fascist Art Director

{W}{W}: Fascist Art Director gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Modular Monstrosity

Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you have five seconds to choose a keyword you haven't chosen for a card named Modular Monstrosity today that's been printed on a creature card. If you do, Modular Monstrosity gains that ability. Otherwise, Modular Monstrosity loses all keyword abilities.