Amateur Auteur

Sacrifice Amateur Auteur: Destroy target enchantment.

Mox Lotus

{T}: Add {∞}.
{100}: Add one mana of any color.

Overt Operative

Menace
Whenever Overt Operative deals combat damage to a player, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Kaya, Ghost Haunter

0: Exile Kaya, Ghost Haunter haunting target creature for as long as that creature remains on the battlefield.
−1: You get an emblem with, "At the beginning of your upkeep, this emblem deals 3 damage to the owner of target haunted creature."
−2: You get an emblem with, "At the beginning of your upkeep, gain control of target haunted creature for as long as it remains haunted."

Gimme Five

You gain 1 life for each person who high-fives you in the next thirty seconds. Each player in an Un-game who high-fives you gains 1 life. (Offer high fives. Don't hit people.)

Gray Merchant of Alphabet

When Gray Merchant of Alphabet enters the battlefield, choose a letter. For each creature you control that has the chosen letter in its name, you gain 1 life and each opponent loses 1 life.

Photo Op

Before the game begins, you may post a picture of yourself posing like the art of any Magic card with #GuessThatMagicCard and no other text.
You may reveal a reply posted today with a guess and a card you own from outside the game with the same name as that guess. Put that card into your hand. Exile Photo Op.

Mother of Goons

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

City of Ass

City of Ass enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

A Real Handful

As long as one or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it gets +2/+2.
As long as two or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it has menace.
As long as three or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it has lifelink.

Knight in _____ Armor

First strike
As this creature enters the battlefield, you may put a name sticker on it.
This creature has protection from names that start with the same letter as a name sticker on it.

Impounding Lot-Bot

When Impounding Lot-Bot enters the battlefield, you may say "INCARCERATE!" in a robot voice. If you do, exile another target artifact or enchantment until Impounding Lot-Bot leaves the battlefield.

Gnome-Made Engine

When this creature enters the battlefield, create a 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature token.

Rhino-

Whenever this creature blocks,
Augment {3}{W} ({3}{W}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Drawn Together

As Drawn Together enters the battlefield, choose an artist.
Creatures with art by the chosen artist get +2/+2.

Clock of DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

{4}, {T}: Move the CRANK! counter to your Contraption deck's next sprocket and crank any number of that sprocket's Contraptions.

GO TO JAIL

When GO TO JAIL enters the battlefield, exile target creature an opponent controls until GO TO JAIL leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice GO TO JAIL.

Knight of the Kitchen Sink

First strike, protection from two-word names (Nothing with exactly two words in its name can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature. Hyphenated words are one word.)

Rock Lobster

Creatures named Scissors Lizard can't attack or block.

Riveting Rigger

When Riveting Rigger enters the battlefield, you may sacrifice another artifact. If you do, put two +1/+1 counters on Riveting Rigger and it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Priority Avenger

Flying
Players can't cast instant spells unless a spell or ability is on the stack.

Proper Laboratory Attire

Equipped creature gets +2/+1 and has protection from die rolls. (Nothing that lets a player roll a die can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to equipped creature.)
Equip {2}

Inhumaniac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or 4, put a +1/+1 counter on Inhumaniac. On a 5 or higher, put two +1/+1 counters on it. On a 1, remove all +1/+1 counters from Inhumaniac.

Over My Dead Bodies

Creature cards in graveyards can attack and block as though they were on the battlefield, can block or be blocked only by creature cards in graveyards, are Zombies in addition to their other types, and have undeathtouch. (If they would deal damage to a creature card, exile that creature card instead.)
Creature cards in your graveyard have haste.

Largepox

Each player discards a card, then loses 1 life, then sacrifices an artifact, a creature, an enchantment, a land, a planeswalker, and a tribal permanent, then exiles a card from their graveyard, then puts the top card of their library into their graveyard, then removes a counter from a permanent they control, then gets a poison counter.

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Everythingamajig

{2}, {T}: Draw a card. Activate only if you have no cards in hand.
{8}, {T}: You gain 10 life.
{4}, {T}, Sacrifice Everythingamajig: You may put a silver-bordered or acorn permanent card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Get Your Head in the Game

Flash
When Get Your Head in the Game enters the battlefield, exile target nonland permanent until it (this card) leaves the battlefield, then touch it (this card) with your head. When it (this card) stops touching it (your head), sacrifice it (the card, not your head).

Angelic Rocket

Flying
When this creature enters the battlefield, you may destroy target nonland permanent.

Sly Spy

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, you may destroy target creature facing left in its art. (Creatures without faces don't face anywhere.)

Lexivore

Whenever Lexivore deals damage to a player, destroy target permanent other than Lexivore with the most lines of text in its text box. (If two or more cards are tied, target any one of them.)

Hazmat Suit (Used)

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace.
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

Haberthrasher

Deathtouch
Whenever another creature that has a hat enters the battlefield under your control or a hat sticker is put on a creature you control, each opponent loses 1 life.

Buried Ogre

You may begin the game with Buried Ogre in your graveyard. If you do, you lose 1 life.

Summon the Pack

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put all creature cards revealed this way onto the battlefield under your control. They're Zombies in addition to their other types. (Remove those cards from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Handy Dandy Clone Machine

{2}, {T}: Create a 2/2 colorless Homunculus creature token. It must be represented by a unique hand and two fingers at all times, or it ceases to exist.

Frontier Explorer

{3}, {T}: Until end of turn, you may play one basic Plains card from outside the game.

{2}, {T}: Move a counter from one permanent onto another. If the second permanent refers to any kind of counter, the moved counter becomes one of those counters. Otherwise, it becomes a +1/+1 counter.
{3}, {T}: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.
{4}, {T}: Proliferate. (Choose any number of permanents and/or players, then give each another counter of each kind already there.)

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, that player loses a finger until Sly Spy leaves the battlefield. (The finger is chosen by its owner and can't roll dice or touch cards.)

Spellmorph Raise Dead

Return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand.
Spellmorph {B} (You may cast this card face down as a 2/2 creature for {3}. Cast it any time for its spellmorph cost.)

Wizened Arbiter

When Wizened Arbiter enters the battlefield, you may reveal a white card you own from outside the game. If you do, exchange that card with a card in your hand.

Skull Saucer

Flying
When Skull Saucer enters the battlefield, destroy target creature and put your head on the table. Sacrifice Skull Saucer when your head stops touching the table.

Rod of Spanking

{2}, {T}: Rod of Spanking deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap Rod of Spanking unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

One with Death

Sex Appeal

Prevent the next 3 damage that would be dealt this turn to any number of targets, divided as you choose. If there are more people in the room of a different gender than you are as you cast this spell, prevent the next 6 damage this way instead.

Grand Marshal Macie

You may choose not to untap Grand Marshal Macie during your untap step. If you do, put a pause counter on it, then you lose 1 life for each pause counter on it.
Whenever Macie becomes untapped, remove all pause counters from it.
{2}, {T}: Choose an "until end of turn" or "this turn" effect. As long as Macie remains tapped, that effect doesn't end.

Head to Head

You and target opponent play Seven Questions with the top card of that player's library. If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice. (To play Seven Questions, that player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that they answer truthfully. You guess the card's name—that's question seven—then the player reveals the card.)

You're in Command

Choose target creature you own and control. That creature becomes your commander. Any other commanders you have are no longer your commander. (That creature starts with a commander tax of {0}.)

Steam-Powered

{5}:
Augment {4} ({4}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

Corrupted Key

As long as Corrupted Key is tapped, creatures you control have menace and deathtouch.

Knight of the Widget

Vigilance
Knight of the Widget's power and toughness are each equal to the number of Order of the Widget watermarks among permanents you control.

The Big Top

{T}: Add one mana of any color that appears on your top. (A top is an outerwear garment worn on the upper body.)

Sacrifice a land: You gain 2 life.
Sacrifice a creature: Add {C}{C}.
{2}, Discard a card: Search your library for a card that shares a complete word in its name with the name of the discarded card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Whenever a creature deals damage to a player, that player may say "Ow" once for each permanent named Ow. If the player doesn't, Ow deals 1 damage to them.

Volrath's Motion Sensor

Enchant player
As Volrath's Motion Sensor enters the battlefield, choose one of enchanted player's hands. That player balances Volrath's Motion Sensor on the back of that hand.
When Volrath's Motion Sensor falls off the chosen hand, sacrifice Volrath's Motion Sensor and enchanted player loses 3 life.

Stamp of Approval

As Stamp of Approval enters the battlefield, choose a watermark.
Creatures you control with the chosen watermark get +1/+1.

Urza's Fun House

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {∞}. Activate only once and only if you control an Urza's Mine, an Urza's Power-Plant, and an Urza's Tower.
{7}, {T}: Head to AskUrza.com and click Urza's Fun House.

Subcontract

A person outside the game looks at target opponent's hand and chooses a nonland card from it. That player discards that card.

Old-Fashioned Vampire

Flying
Old-Fashioned Vampire gets +2/+2 and has deathtouch as long as it's dark outdoors.

Scaled Destruction

Choose one or more —
• Destroy all small creatures.
• Destroy all medium creatures.
• Destroy all large creatures.
(A small creature has total power and toughness 4 or less, medium is 5—8, and large is 9 or more.)

Double Dip

Choose another player. You gain 5 life. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, you gain 5 life.

My First Tome

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Ral's Vanguard

Requirement — Your starting deck contains only instant, sorcery, and land cards.
Starting hand size +1 Starting life total -5
If an instant or sorcery spell you cast would cause you to draw one or more cards, draw an additional card. If an instant or sorcery spell you cast would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals 1 additional damage to that permanent or player.

Chronobot

When Chronobot enters the battlefield, switch upkeep steps with target opponent for as long as it remains on the battlefield. (You take your upkeep on their turn, and they take their upkeep on your turn.)

Blacker Lotus

{T}: Tear Blacker Lotus into pieces. Add four mana of any one color. Remove the pieces from the game.

Five Kids in a Trenchcoat

Five Kids in a Trenchcoat counts as five creatures for spells and effects that count the number of creatures you control.

Shaggy Camel

When this creature enters the battlefield, creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.

Imaginary Friends

Create three 0/0 white Spirit creature tokens with flying.

Masterful Ninja

Haste
Reveal Masterful Ninja from your hand: Masterful Ninja is on the battlefield and in your hand until end of turn.
{1}{B}: Masterful Ninja gets +1/+1 until end of turn.

Chivalrous Chevalier

Flying
When Chivalrous Chevalier enters the battlefield, return a creature you control to its owner's hand unless you compliment an opponent.

Voracious Vacuum

When this creature enters the battlefield, put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.

Prismatic Wardrobe

Destroy target nonartifact, nonland permanent that doesn't share a color with clothing worn by its controller.

Xyru Specter

Flying
Whenever Xyru Specter deals damage to an opponent, that player discards a card unless they challenge you. If challenged, and you show them two black cards in your hand, they must discard two cards.

Side Quest

Target player in an Un-game you can see from your seat gains control of target creature you control until your next turn. At the beginning of your next upkeep, put two +1/+1 counters on that creature. (A creature is on the battlefield of only the game its controller is playing.)

Big Boa Constrictor

When this creature enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die. Target opponent loses life equal to the result.

Wordmail

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

Kindslaver

{5}, {T}, Sacrifice Kindslaver: A person outside the game controls target player during that player's next turn. Neither player may advise that person until the end of that turn.

Blue Ribbon

When Blue Ribbon enters the battlefield, ask a person outside the game which creature you control is most deserving of a blue ribbon. Attach Blue Ribbon to that creature.
Equipped creature has best in show. (Whenever another creature becomes the target of a spell or ability you control, you may copy that spell or ability. If you do, the copy targets this creature.)
Equip {3}

Chimney Goyf

Flying
Chimney Goyf's power is equal to the number of card types among cards in all graveyards and its toughness is equal to that number plus 1.
When Chimney Goyf dies, target opponent puts a card from their hand on top of their library.

Rat in the Hat

{T}, Sacrifice Rat in the Hat: Until end of turn, you may cast target creature card that has a hat from your graveyard.

Persecute Artist

Choose an artist other than Rebecca Guay. Target player reveals their hand and discards all nonland cards with art by the chosen artist.

Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike, trample
Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay {1}{B}, reveal Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil from your library and say "I'm coming, too!" If you do, Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

Infernius Spawnington III, Esq.

Flying, first strike, trample, haste
This spell costs {3} less to cast for each card you've revealed this turn.
When Infernius Spawnington III, Esq. enters the battlefield, you may say "I'm here." If you do, it deals 3 damage to target player.

Zombie Fanboy

As Zombie Fanboy enters the battlefield, choose an artist.
Whenever a permanent with art by the chosen artist is put into a graveyard, put two +1/+1 counters on Zombie Fanboy.

Do-It-Yourself Seraph

Flying
Whenever Do-It-Yourself Seraph attacks, you may search your library for an artifact card, exile it, then shuffle.
Do-It-Yourself Seraph has the text box of each card exiled with Do-It-Yourself Seraph in addition to its own.

Knife and Death

Just a second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't move permanents.)
One at a time, throw ten cards you own from outside the game onto the playing area from a distance of at least three feet (about one meter). For each of those cards, Knife and Death deals 1 damage to each creature or planeswalker you don't control that card is touching. You gain life equal to the damage dealt this way.

Atinlay Igpay

Oubleday ikestray
Enwhay ouyay eakspay ay onnay-igpay-atinlay ordway, acrificesay Atinlay Igpay.

Cheap Ass

Temp of the Damned

As Temp of the Damned enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die. Temp of the Damned enters the battlefield with a number of funk counters on it equal to the result.
At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a funk counter from Temp of the Damned. If you can't, sacrifice it.

Poultrygeist

Flying
Whenever a creature dies, you may roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, sacrifice Poultrygeist. Otherwise, put a +1/+1 counter on Poultrygeist.

Ass Whuppin'

Destroy target silver-bordered or acorn permanent in any game you can see from your seat.

Bone Rattler

When Bone Rattler is put into your graveyard from anywhere, exile it. When you do, create four Reassembling Skeleton token cards and put them into your graveyard.

Handcuffs

As Handcuffs enters the battlefield, choose a player.
When the chosen player's hands aren't touching each other, sacrifice Handcuffs and that player sacrifices three permanents.

B.F.M. (Big Furry Monster)

B.F.M. onto the battlefield. If one B.F.M. card
more creatures.

Bad Ass

Kill! Destroy!

Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

Surprise Party

When Surprise Party enters the battlefield, yell "Surprise!" and put onto the battlefield any number of printed Clown Robot tokens that aren't touching each other, that you hid on the battlefield before you cast Surprise Party, and that weren't spotted by an opponent before you cast Surprise Party.
Robots you control get +1/+0 and have vigilance.

Scooch

Add or subtract 1 from target creature's power, target player's life total, or target die roll's result.
Draw a card.

R&D's Secret Lair

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.
{T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

Weaponized Scrap

Upgrade (This creature enters the battlefield covering another artifact you control. If it can't, exile it. Ignore the artifact it's covering. Anywhere this card goes, cards underneath it also go. It has haste.)

Pithing Spyglass

As Pithing Spyglass enters the battlefield, name a keyword ability or ability word.
All cards in all zones lose that keyword ability or ability word and all text tied to that ability.

Enroll in the Coalition

You are a Flagbearer.
While choosing targets as part of casting a spell or activating an ability, your opponents must choose at least one Flagbearer if able.

Everlasting Lich

Everlasting Lich can't block.
Everlasting Lich can't die. (This creature has indestructible, can't be sacrificed, and doesn't go to the graveyard for having 0 toughness.)