Blurry Beeble

Blurry (This creature can be blocked only if defending player was wearing glasses as it was cast.)
Whenever Blurry Beeble deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.

Swamp

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Prismatic Wardrobe

Destroy target nonartifact, nonland permanent that doesn't share a color with clothing worn by its controller.

Alexander Clamilton

Whenever you cast a wordy spell, scry 2. (A spell is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)
{1}{R}, {T}: Choose target creature you don't control. Reveal the top card of your library. Alexander Clamilton gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of lines of rules text of the revealed card. Alexander Clamilton fights that creature.

Bloodletter

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Rules Lawyer

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

Sulfurous Springs

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}. Sulfurous Springs deals 1 damage to you.

Hot Fix

You have ten seconds to look at and rearrange the cards in your library. At the end of those ten seconds, if you're touching one or more of those cards, shuffle.

When Fluffy Bunnies Attack

Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.

More or Less

Add or subtract 1 or one from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn.

R&D's Secret Lair

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.
{T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

Avatar of Me

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Circle of Protection: Art

As Circle of Protection: Art enters, choose an artist.
{1}{W}: The next time a source of your choice with art by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.
{1}{W}: Return Circle of Protection: Art to its owner's hand.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K. can't be blocked by creatures with flavor text.
{2}{U}{B}: Phoebe permanently steals target creature's text box. (That creature loses all rules text, flavor text, and watermarks. This creature gains them.)

Now I Know My ABC's

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

Mother of Goons

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

My First Tome

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Fowl Play

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature loses all abilities and is a Bird creature with base power and toughness 1/1.

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Island

Topsy Turvy

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, second main, combat, first main, and beginning.)
As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

Zzzyxas's Abyss

At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland permanents with the first name alphabetically among nonland permanents.

Moniker Mage

{U}, Say your middle name: Moniker Mage gains shroud until end of turn.
{U}, Say an opponent's middle name: Moniker Mage gains flying until end of turn.

Clocknapper

When Clocknapper enters, choose beginning phase, first main phase, combat phase, postcombat main phase, or ending phase. Steal that phase from target player during their next turn. (That phase occurs as though it's your turn instead.)

Magical Hacker

{U}: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

Urza, Academy Headmaster

+1: Head to AskUrza.com and click +1.
−1: Head to AskUrza.com and click -1.
−6: Head to AskUrza.com and click -6.

As long as X is in X's owner's opponent's hand, X's owner may cast X and activate X's abilities. That opponent can't cast X and plays with their hand revealed.
{U}{B}, {T}: Put X into target opponent's hand.
{3}{U}{B}: You may play a land or cast a spell from the hand X is in. If you cast a spell this way, you cast it without paying its mana cost.

Rare-B-Gone

Each player sacrifices all permanents that are rare or mythic rare, then each player reveals their hand and discards all cards that are rare or mythic rare.

Urza's Contact Lenses

Urza's Contact Lenses enters tapped.
Urza's Contact Lenses doesn't untap during your untap step.
As long as Urza's Contact Lenses is untapped, all players play with their hands revealed.
Clap your hands twice: You may tap or untap Urza's Contact Lenses.

Vile Bile

Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches Vile Bile, that player loses 2 life.

Split Screen

When Split Screen enters, shuffle your library and deal it into four libraries. If anything refers to your library, choose one of your libraries for it.
Play with your libraries' top cards revealed.
When Split Screen leaves the battlefield, shuffle your libraries together.

Selfie Preservation

Search your library for a basic land card and reveal it. If there's a tree in its art, put it onto the battlefield tapped. Otherwise, put it into your hand. Then shuffle.

Richard Garfield, Ph.D.

You may play cards as though they were other cards of your choice with the same mana cost. You can't choose the same card twice. (Mana cost includes color.)

Look at Me, I'm the DCI

Ban a card other than a basic land card for the rest of the match. (All cards with that name in any zone or sideboard are removed from the match.)

Rings a Bell

As Rings a Bell enters, choose a word with four or more letters.
After you say the chosen word for the first time each turn, an opponent may ring or imitate a bell within five seconds. When no opponent does, draw a card.

Flavor Judge

{T}: Choose target spell or ability that targets a permanent you control. Then ask a person outside the game if the story of what will happen makes sense. If they say no, sacrifice Flavor Judge and counter that spell or ability.

Hangman

As Hangman enters, secretly note a word with six to eight letters.
{1}: Target player who doesn't control Hangman guesses the noted word or an unguessed letter in that word. If they guess wrong, put a +1/+1 counter on Hangman. Any player may activate this ability.
When a player guesses the noted word or all of its letters, sacrifice Hangman.

Masterful Ninja

Haste
Reveal Masterful Ninja from your hand: Masterful Ninja is on the battlefield and in your hand until end of turn.
{1}{B}: Masterful Ninja gets +1/+1 until end of turn.

Common Courtesy

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.
When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice Common Courtesy.

Magic Word

Enchant creature
As Magic Word enters, choose a word.
Whisper the chosen word: Tap enchanted creature.

Censorship

As Censorship enters, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

Deadhead

{0}: Return Deadhead from your graveyard to the battlefield. Activate only if an opponent isn't touching their hand (of cards).

World-Bottling Kit

{5}, Sacrifice World-Bottling Kit: Choose a Magic set. Exile all permanents with that set's expansion symbol except for basic lands.

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile Animate Library instead.

Plains

Graveyard Busybody

All graveyards are also your graveyards.
Graveyard Busybody's power and toughness are each equal to the number of cards with flavor text in your graveyards.

Five-Finger Discount

Put target nonland permanent into your hand. You may spend mana as though it were mana of any color the next time you cast that card.

capital offense

target creature gets -x/-x until end of turn, where x is the number of times a capital letter appears in its rules text. (ignore reminder text and flavor text.)

Checks and Balances

Cast this spell only if there are three or more players in the game.
Whenever a player casts a spell, each of that player's opponents may discard a card. If they do, counter that spell.

Over My Dead Bodies

Creature cards in graveyards can attack and block as though they were on the battlefield, can block or be blocked only by creature cards in graveyards, are Zombies in addition to their other types, and have undeathtouch. (If they would deal damage to a creature card, exile that creature card instead.)
Creature cards in your graveyard have haste.

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.
{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

Mana Screw

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Staying Power

"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Underdome

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Kill! Destroy!

Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

Hoisted Hireling

Hoisted Hireling has flying as long as it's being held above the battlefield.

Spy Eye

Flying
Whenever Spy Eye deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card from that player's library.