Getting

Avatar of Me

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Meddling Kids

As Meddling Kids enters, choose a word with four or more letters.
Spells with the chosen word in their text box can't be cast.

Number Crunch

Return target permanent to its owner's hand.
Gotcha — If an opponent says a number, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Number Crunch from your graveyard to your hand.

Look at Me, I'm R&D

As Look at Me, I'm R&D comes into play, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than that number.
All instances of the first chosen number on permanents, spells, and cards in any zone are the second chosen number.

Fowl Play

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature loses all abilities and is a Bird creature with base power and toughness 1/1.

Oddly Uneven

Choose one —
• Destroy each creature with an odd number of words in its name. (Hyphenated words are one word.)
• Destroy each creature with an even number of words in its name.

Sol Ring

Have

Isochron Scepter

Imprint — When Isochron Scepter enters, you may exile an instant card with mana value 2 or less from your hand.
{2}, {T}: You may copy the exiled card. If you do, you may cast the copy without paying its mana cost.

Charm School

As Charm School enters, choose a color and balance Charm School on your head.
Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you by sources of the chosen color.
When Charm School falls off your head, sacrifice Charm School.

Five-Finger Discount

Put target nonland permanent into your hand. You may spend mana as though it were mana of any color the next time you cast that card.

Framed!

Choose an artist. Tap all untapped permanents with art by that artist or untap all tapped permanents with art by that artist.

Double Take

Choose another player. You draw two cards. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, you draw two cards.

More or Less

Add or subtract 1 or one from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn.

Incite Insight

Assemble X Contraptions. (To assemble a Contraption, put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Plains

Brushstroke Paintermage

{T}: Target permanent's artist becomes the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Border Guardian

Whenever you cast a silver-bordered spell, put a +1/+1 counter on Border Guardian.
Whenever you cast a black-bordered spell, Border Guardian can't be blocked this turn.
Whenever you cast a white-bordered spell, Border Guardian gains double strike until end of turn.

Dramatic Reversal

Untap all nonland permanents you control.

Hot Fix

You have ten seconds to look at and rearrange the cards in your library. At the end of those ten seconds, if you're touching one or more of those cards, shuffle.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Very Cryptic Command

Choose two —
• Switch target creature's power and toughness until end of turn.
• Target creature can't be blocked this turn.
• Draw a card. If that card's art is by Wayne England, you may reveal it and draw another card.
• Assemble a Contraption.

Carnivorous Death-Parrot

Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.

Enlightened Tutor

Search your library for an artifact or enchantment card, reveal it, then shuffle and put that card on top.

Loose Lips

Enchant creature
As Loose Lips enters, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Mad Science Fair Project

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or lower, target player adds {C}. Otherwise, that player adds one mana of any color they choose.

Jackknight

Whenever another artifact you control enters, put a +1/+1 counter on Jackknight. If that artifact is a Contraption, Jackknight gains lifelink until end of turn.

Denied!

Choose a card name, then target spell's controller reveals their hand. If a card with the chosen name is revealed this way, counter that spell.

Island

Look at Me, I'm the DCI

Ban a card other than a basic land card for the rest of the match. (All cards with that name in any zone or sideboard are removed from the match.)

Modular Monstrosity

Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you have five seconds to choose a keyword you haven't chosen for a card named Modular Monstrosity today that's been printed on a creature card. If you do, Modular Monstrosity gains that ability. Otherwise, Modular Monstrosity loses all keyword abilities.

Spell Counter

Counter target spell.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.

Grim Monolith

Grim Monolith doesn't untap during your untap step.
{T}: Add {C}{C}{C}.
{4}: Untap Grim Monolith.

Amateur Auteur

Sacrifice Amateur Auteur: Destroy target enchantment.

Censorship

As Censorship enters, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

Don't Have

Super Secret Tech

Premium spells cost {1} less to cast.
Premium creatures get +1/+1.

Walking Ballista

Walking Ballista enters with X +1/+1 counters on it.
{4}: Put a +1/+1 counter on Walking Ballista.
Remove a +1/+1 counter from Walking Ballista: It deals 1 damage to any target.

Ambiguity

Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.

GO TO JAIL

When GO TO JAIL enters, exile target creature an opponent controls until GO TO JAIL leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice GO TO JAIL.

The Grand Calcutron

The Grand Calcutron can be your commander.
When The Grand Calcutron enters, each player's hand becomes a program (an ordered row of revealed cards).
Players can only play the first card of their program.
If a card would be put into a player's hand from anywhere, that player reveals it and places it anywhere within their program instead.
At the beginning of each player's end step, if that player's program has fewer than five cards, they draw cards equal to the difference.

Do-It-Yourself Seraph

Flying
Whenever Do-It-Yourself Seraph attacks, you may search your library for an artifact card, exile it, then shuffle.
Do-It-Yourself Seraph has the text box of each card exiled with Do-It-Yourself Seraph in addition to its own.

Clocknapper

When Clocknapper enters, choose beginning phase, first main phase, combat phase, postcombat main phase, or ending phase. Steal that phase from target player during their next turn. (That phase occurs as though it's your turn instead.)

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Graveyard Busybody

All graveyards are also your graveyards.
Graveyard Busybody's power and toughness are each equal to the number of cards with flavor text in your graveyards.

Greater Morphling

{2}: Greater Morphling gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.
{2}: Untap Greater Morphling.

Johnny, Combo Player

{4}: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.

Topsy Turvy

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, second main, combat, first main, and beginning.)
As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

Rules Lawyer

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

Mana Screw

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}