Bureaucracy

Pursuant to subsection 3.1(4) of Richard's Rules of Order, at the beginning of the upkeep of each participant in this game of the Magic: The Gathering® trading card game (hereafter known as "PLAYER"), that PLAYER performs all actions in the sequence of previously added actions (hereafter known as "ACTION QUEUE"), in the order those actions were added, then adds another action to the end of the ACTION QUEUE. All actions must be simple physical or verbal actions that a player can perform while sitting in a chair, without jeopardizing the health and security of said PLAYER.
When any PLAYER does not perform all the prescribed actions in the correct order, sacrifice this enchantment and said PLAYER discards their complement of cards in hand (hereafter known as "HAND").

Moniker Mage

{U}, Say your middle name: This creature gains shroud until end of turn.
{U}, Say an opponent's middle name: This creature gains flying until end of turn.

Commander's Sphere

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.
Sacrifice this artifact: Draw a card.

Gray Merchant of Alphabet

When this creature enters, choose a letter. For each creature you control that has the chosen letter in its name, you gain 1 life and each opponent loses 1 life.

Five-Finger Discount

Put target nonland permanent into your hand. You may spend mana as though it were mana of any color the next time you cast that card.

Volrath's Motion Sensor

Enchant player
As this Aura enters, choose one of enchanted player's hands. That player balances this Aura on the back of that hand.
When this Aura falls off the chosen hand, sacrifice this Aura and enchanted player loses 3 life.

Stop That

Target player discards a card.
Gotcha — If an opponent audibly flicks the cards in their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.

More or Less

Add or subtract 1 or one from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn.

Octo Opus

When this enchantment enters, create a 4/4 blue Octopus Performer creature token named Contortionist with "At the beginning of your upkeep, you may fold this token in half." (It becomes 2/2, then 1/1, ½/½, and so on.)
Sacrifice this enchantment: Draw a card and an additional card for each of Contortionist's folds.

B.O.B. (Bevy of Beebles)

As B.O.B. enters, create four 1/1 blue Beeble creature tokens.
The number of loyalty counters on B.O.B. is equal to the number of Beebles you control. (Create or sacrifice Beebles whenever B.O.B. gains or loses loyalty.)
+1: Up to X target Beebles can't be blocked this turn, where X is the number of cards in your hand.
−1: Draw a card.

Topsy Turvy

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, second main, combat, first main, and beginning.)
As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

Mind Stone

{T}: Add {C}.
{1}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Draw a card.

Park Map

{1}, Sacrifice this artifact: Search your library for a land card that doesn't have the same art as a permanent you control, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Spy Eye

Flying
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card from that player's library.

Loose Lips

Enchant creature
As this Aura enters, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

How Is This a Par Three?!

Whenever you cast a spell, you may have target player mill X cards, where X is the number of words in that spell's name.

Rings a Bell

As this enchantment enters, choose a word with four or more letters.
After you say the chosen word for the first time each turn, an opponent may ring or imitate a bell within five seconds. When no opponent does, draw a card.

Richard Garfield, Ph.D.

You may play cards as though they were other cards of your choice with the same mana cost. You can't choose the same card twice. (Mana cost includes color.)

Swamp

Attempted Murder

Choose target creature. Roll X six-sided dice. For each even result, put two -1/-1 counters on that creature. For each odd result, create a 1/2 blue Bird creature token with flying named Storm Crow.

Tainted Monkey

{T}: Choose a word. Target player mills a card. If a card with the chosen word in its text box was milled this way, they lose 3 life.

Exit Through the Grift Shop

Yell "Who wants a souvenir?" and announce the name of a nonland card in your graveyard. Each player in an Un-game who can hear you may bid life. You start the bidding at 0. The high bidder loses life equal to the high bid. They copy the card and may cast the copy without paying its mana cost. If you didn't win the bid, you gain life equal to the high bid and create that many Treasure tokens.

Clocknapper

When this creature enters, choose beginning phase, first main phase, combat phase, postcombat main phase, or ending phase. Steal that phase from target player during their next turn. (That phase occurs as though it's your turn instead.)

Censorship

As this enchantment enters, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, this enchantment deals 2 damage to that player.

Hazmat Suit (Used)

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace.
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

capital offense

target creature gets -x/-x until end of turn, where x is the number of times a capital letter appears in its rules text. (ignore reminder text and flavor text.)

Magical Hacker

{U}: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

Island

Animate Graveyard

Enchant your graveyard
Enchanted graveyard is a creature on the battlefield with base power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It has the text boxes of all creature cards in it. It's still a graveyard.
If enchanted graveyard would leave the battlefield, instead exile this Aura.

Bag Check

Counter target spell, then ask a person outside the game if that spell looks dangerous to them. If they say yes, draw a card, then discard a card.

Zzzyxas's Abyss

At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland permanents with the first name alphabetically among nonland permanents.

Questionable Cuisine

Return up to two target creature cards from your graveyard to your hand. Create a Food token for each trash can you can see from your seat. (It's an artifact with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this token: You gain 3 life.")

Mobile Clone

Using a mobile device, take a picture of target creature. That device enters as a token that's a photocopy of the pictured creature. (Photocopies include Auras, Equipment, counters, and stickers in the shot. Don't touch other people's phones without permission and be careful if you do.)

Murder

Spell Counter

Counter target spell.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.

Handcuffs

As this enchantment enters, choose a player.
When the chosen player's hands aren't touching each other, sacrifice this enchantment and that player sacrifices three permanents.

Working Stiff

As this creature enters, straighten your arms.
When you bend an elbow, sacrifice this creature.

Decisions, Decisions

Reveal the top three cards of your library, then choose a consonant. (Y counts.) Put each card that has the chosen letter in the first word of its name from among them into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order.

Crow Storm

Create a 1/2 blue Bird creature token with flying named Storm Crow.
Storm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each spell cast before it this turn.)

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Dimir Keyrune

{T}: Add {U} or {B}.
{U}{B}: This artifact becomes a 2/2 blue and black Horror artifact creature until end of turn and can't be blocked this turn.

Scooch

Add or subtract 1 from target creature's power, target player's life total, or target die roll's result.
Draw a card.

Vile Bile

Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches this creature, that player loses 2 life.

Bloodletter

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice this creature. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

Graveyard Busybody

All graveyards are also your graveyards.
Graveyard Busybody's power and toughness are each equal to the number of cards with flavor text in your graveyards.

Disemvowel

Destroy target creature. That creature's controller loses 1 life for each unique vowel in the creature's name. (The vowels are A, E, I, O, U, and Y.)

Busted!

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {X}, where X is the number of words in the name with the most words among permanents you control.

Farewell to Arms

As this enchantment enters, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.
When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice this enchantment. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

Enter the Dungeon

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

As long as X is in X's owner's opponent's hand, X's owner may cast X and activate X's abilities. That opponent can't cast X and plays with their hand revealed.
{U}{B}, {T}: Put X into target opponent's hand.
{3}{U}{B}: You may play a land or cast a spell from the hand X is in. If you cast a spell this way, you cast it without paying its mana cost.

Sly Spy

Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, that player loses a finger until this creature leaves the battlefield. (The finger is chosen by its owner and can't roll dice or touch cards.)

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K.

Phoebe can't be blocked by creatures with flavor text.
{2}{U}{B}: Phoebe permanently steals target creature's text box. (That creature loses all rules text, flavor text, and watermarks. This creature gains them.)

When Fluffy Bunnies Attack

Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.

Greater Morphling

{2}: This creature gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.
{2}: This creature becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: This creature becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: This creature's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: This creature's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: This creature gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.
{2}: Untap this creature.

Eye to Eye

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

Bonder's Ornament

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{4}, {T}: Each player who controls a permanent named Bonder's Ornament draws a card.

Kill! Destroy!

Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

Free-for-All

When this enchantment enters, exile all creatures face down.
At the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player chooses a card exiled with this enchantment at random and puts it onto the battlefield.
When this enchantment leaves the battlefield, put all cards exiled with it into their owners' graveyards.

Knife and Death

Just a second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't move permanents.)
One at a time, throw ten cards you own from outside the game onto the playing area from a distance of at least three feet (about one meter). For each of those cards, Knife and Death deals 1 damage to each creature or planeswalker you don't control that card is touching. You gain life equal to the damage dealt this way.

Swiftfoot Boots

Equipped creature has hexproof and haste. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities your opponents control. It can attack and {T} no matter when it came under your control.)
Equip {1} ({1}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Mouth to Mouth

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.