Island

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Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))

Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

Turn to Frog

Until end of turn, target creature loses all abilities and becomes a blue Frog with base power and toughness 1/1.

Cultivate

Search your library for up to two basic land cards, reveal those cards, put one onto the battlefield tapped and the other into your hand, then shuffle.

Ketria Crystal

{T}: Add {G}, {U}, or {R}.
Cycling {2} ({2}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

B-I-N-G-O

Trample
Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

Creature Guy

Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Monkey Monkey Monkey

As Monkey Monkey Monkey enters, choose a letter.
Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.

Smart Ass

Whenever Smart Ass attacks, choose a card name. If defending player has no cards with the chosen name in their hand, they may reveal their hand. If they don't reveal their hand, Smart Ass can't be blocked this turn.

Stone-Cold Basilisk

Whenever Stone-Cold Basilisk blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.)
Whenever an opponent reads Stone-Cold Basilisk, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.

City of Ass

City of Ass enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Mountain

Croaking Counterpart

Create a token that's a copy of target non-Frog creature, except it's a 1/1 green Frog.
Flashback {3}{G}{U} (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)

Spreading Seas

Enchant land
When Spreading Seas enters, draw a card.
Enchanted land is an Island.

Sea's Claim

Enchant land (Target a land as you cast this. This card enters attached to that land.)
Enchanted land is an Island.

Forest

Granny's Payback

Deep Reconnaissance

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.
Flashback {4}{G} (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)

Elvish House Party

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

Braid of Fire

Cumulative upkeep—Add {R}. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on this permanent, then sacrifice it unless you pay its upkeep cost for each age counter on it.)

Frontier Bivouac

Frontier Bivouac enters tapped.
{T}: Add {G}, {U}, or {R}.

Assquatch

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.
Whenever another Donkey enters, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

Counterspell

Fat Ass

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Bow of Nylea

Attacking creatures you control have deathtouch.
{1}{G}, {T}: Choose one —
• Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.
• Bow of Nylea deals 2 damage to target creature with flying.
• You gain 3 life.
• Put up to four target cards from your graveyard on the bottom of your library in any order.

Ketria Triome

({T}: Add {G}, {U}, or {R}.)
Ketria Triome enters tapped.
Cycling {3} ({3}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Retreat to Kazandu

Landfall — Whenever a land you control enters, choose one —
• Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.
• You gain 2 life.

Asceticism

Creatures you control have hexproof.
{1}{G}: Regenerate target creature. (The next time it would be destroyed, instead tap it, remove it from combat, and heal all damage on it.)

Explosive Vegetation

Search your library for up to two basic land cards, put them onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.