Magical Hacker

{U}: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

Squirrel Dealer

When Squirrel Dealer enters the battlefield, ask a person outside the game "Do you like Squirrels?" If they do, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Keeper of the Sacred Word

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Forest

_____

{1}: This card's name becomes the card name of your choice. Activate anywhere, anytime.

Censorship

As Censorship enters the battlefield, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

Mana Screw

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

Urza's Contact Lenses

Urza's Contact Lenses enters the battlefield tapped.
Urza's Contact Lenses doesn't untap during your untap step.
As long as Urza's Contact Lenses is untapped, all players play with their hands revealed.
Clap your hands twice: You may tap or untap Urza's Contact Lenses.

Urza's Science Fair Project

{2}: Roll a six-sided die. Urza's Science Fair Project gets the indicated result.
1 — It gets -2/-2 until end of turn.
2 — Prevent all combat damage it would deal this turn.
3 — It gains vigilance until end of turn.
4 — It gains first strike until end of turn.
5 — It gains flying until end of turn.
6 — It gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

Free-for-All

When Free-for-All enters the battlefield, exile all creatures face down.
At the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player chooses a card exiled with Free-for-All at random and puts it onto the battlefield.
When Free-for-All leaves the battlefield, put all cards exiled with it into their owners' graveyards.

Form of the Squirrel

As Form of the Squirrel enters the battlefield, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token. You lose the game when that creature leaves the battlefield.
Creatures can't attack you.
You have shroud.
You can't cast spells.

Ashnod's Coupon

{T}, Sacrifice Ashnod's Coupon: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Pippa, Duchess of Dice

{2}{G}, {T}: Roll a six-sided die. It becomes a green Die creature token with power and toughness each equal to its result.
{2}{U}, {T}: Reroll any die. (Activate only any time it makes sense.)

Clambassadors

Whenever Clambassadors deals damage to a player, choose an artifact, creature, or land you control. That player gains control of that permanent.

Growth Spurt

Roll a six-sided die. Target creature gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.

Fat Ass

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Gerrymandering

Exile all lands. Give each player a number of those cards chosen at random equal to the number of those cards the player controlled. Each player returns those cards to the battlefield under their control.

Denied!

Choose a card name, then target spell's controller reveals their hand. If a card with the chosen name is revealed this way, counter that spell.

Double Header

Flying
When Double Header enters the battlefield, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

Mise

Choose a nonland card name, then reveal the top card of your library. If that card has the chosen name, you draw three cards.

Greater Morphling

{2}: Greater Morphling gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.
{2}: Untap Greater Morphling.

Incoming!

Each player searches their library for any number of artifact, creature, enchantment, and/or land cards, puts them onto the battlefield, then shuffles.

Everythingamajig

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.
{3}, {T}: Target player discards a card. Activate only during your turn.
{X}: Everythingamajig becomes an X/X Construct artifact creature until end of turn.

Monkey Monkey Monkey

As Monkey Monkey Monkey enters the battlefield, choose a letter.
Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.

Paper Tiger

Creatures named Rock Lobster can't attack or block.

Graphic Violence

All creatures with art by the artist of your choice get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.

Fowl Play

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature loses all abilities and is a Bird creature with base power and toughness 1/1.

Number Crunch

Return target permanent to its owner's hand.
Gotcha — If an opponent says a number, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Number Crunch from your graveyard to your hand.

Krark's Other Thumb

If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.

Magic Word

Enchant creature
As Magic Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.
Whisper the chosen word: Tap enchanted creature.

Flock of Rabid Sheep

Flip X coins. For each flip you win, create a 2/2 green Sheep creature token named Rabid Sheep.

Carnivorous Death-Parrot

Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.

City of Ass

City of Ass enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Common Courtesy

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.
When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice Common Courtesy.

Topsy Turvy

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, postcombat main, combat, precombat main, and beginning.)
As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

Letter Bomb

When Letter Bomb enters the battlefield, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw Letter Bomb. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Checks and Balances

Cast this spell only if there are three or more players in the game.
Whenever a player casts a spell, each of that player's opponents may discard a card. If they do, counter that spell.

Elvish House Party

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

B-I-N-G-O

Trample
Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

Avatar of Me

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Sorry

Before any player casts a spell with the same name as a card in any graveyard, that player may say "sorry." If they don't, any other player may say "sorry" as the spell is being cast. When another player says "sorry" this way, counter the spell.
Whenever a player says "sorry" at any other time, Sorry deals 2 damage to that player.

Mirror Mirror

Mirror Mirror enters the battlefield tapped.
{7}, {T}, Sacrifice Mirror Mirror: Choose target player. At the beginning of the next end step, exchange life totals with that player, exchange control of all permanents you and that player control, and exchange cards in your hands, cards in your libraries, and cards in your graveyards.

Toy Boat

Cumulative upkeep—Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on Toy Boat, then sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each age counter on it—without pausing between or fumbling it.)

Loose Lips

Enchant creature
As Loose Lips enters the battlefield, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

Flaccify

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}{½}.

Now I Know My ABC's

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

Mine, Mine, Mine!

When Mine, Mine, Mine! enters the battlefield, each player puts their library into their hand.
Players have no maximum hand size and don't lose the game for drawing from an empty library.
Each player can't cast more than one spell each turn.
When Mine, Mine, Mine! leaves the battlefield, each player shuffles their hand and graveyard into their library.

Land Aid '04

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.

Name Dropping

Gotcha — If an opponent says a word that's in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return that card to your hand.

Team Spirit

Creatures target player's team controls get +1/+1 until end of turn.

Spy Eye

Flying
Whenever Spy Eye deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card from that player's library.

Giant Fan

{2}, {T}: Move a counter from one permanent onto another. If the second permanent refers to any kind of counter, the moved counter becomes one of those counters. Otherwise, it becomes a +1/+1 counter.

Island

Squirrel Farm

{1}{G}: Reveal a card in your hand, covering the artist credit. Target opponent guesses the artist. If they guess wrong, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Spell Counter

Counter target spell.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.

Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

Clam-I-Am

If you roll a 3 on a six-sided die, you may reroll that die.

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.
{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

Laughing Hyena

Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.

My First Tome

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Elvish Impersonators

As Elvish Impersonators enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die twice. Its base power becomes the first result and its base toughness becomes the second result.

Granny's Payback

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

Clam Session

As Clam Session enters the battlefield, choose a word.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may sing at least six words of a song, at least one of which is the chosen word. If you don't, sacrifice Clam Session. You can't repeat a song.

Moniker Mage

{U}, Say your middle name: Moniker Mage gains shroud until end of turn.
{U}, Say an opponent's middle name: Moniker Mage gains flying until end of turn.

Bureaucracy

Pursuant to subsection 3.1(4) of Richard's Rules of Order, at the beginning of the upkeep of each participant in this game of the Magic: The Gathering® trading card game (hereafter known as "PLAYER"), that PLAYER performs all actions in the sequence of previously added actions (hereafter known as "ACTION QUEUE"), in the order those actions were added, then adds another action to the end of the ACTION QUEUE. All actions must be simple physical or verbal actions that a player can perform while sitting in a chair, without jeopardizing the health and security of said PLAYER.
When any PLAYER does not perform all the prescribed actions in the correct order, sacrifice Bureaucracy and said PLAYER discards their complement of cards in hand (hereafter known as "HAND").

Question Elemental?

Did you know this creature has flying?
Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of Question Elemental?

Ambiguity

Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.

Framed!

Choose an artist. Tap all untapped permanents with art by that artist or untap all tapped permanents with art by that artist.

Creature Guy

Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Alexander Clamilton

Whenever you cast a wordy spell, scry 2. (A spell is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)
{1}{R}, {T}: Choose target creature you don't control. Reveal the top card of your library. Alexander Clamilton gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of lines of rules text of the revealed card. Alexander Clamilton fights that creature.