Tireless Provisioner

Landfall — Whenever a land you control enters, create a Food token or a Treasure token. (Food is an artifact with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life." Treasure is an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.")

Musician

Cumulative upkeep {1} (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on this permanent, then sacrifice it unless you pay its upkeep cost for each age counter on it.)
{T}: Put a music counter on target creature. If it doesn't have "At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy this creature unless you pay {1} for each music counter on it," it gains that ability.

Pink Horror

Coruscating Flames — Whenever you cast an instant or sorcery spell, Pink Horror deals 2 damage to any target.
Split — When Pink Horror dies, create two 2/2 blue and red Demon Horror creature tokens named Blue Horror with "Whenever you cast an instant or sorcery spell, this creature deals 1 damage to any target."

Blast of Genius

Choose any target. Draw three cards, then discard a card. Blast of Genius deals damage equal to the discarded card's mana value to that permanent or player.

The Underworld Cookbook

{T}, Discard a card: Create a Food token. (It's an artifact with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.")
{4}, {T}, Sacrifice The Underworld Cookbook: Return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand.

Fiery Temper

Fiery Temper deals 3 damage to any target.
Madness {R} (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, cast it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard.)

Breathstealer

{B}: Breathstealer gets +1/-1 until end of turn.

Scared Stiff

Scared Stiff has menace as long you control a stickered permanent.

Animal Sanctuary

{T}: Add {C}.
{2}, {T}: Put a +1/+1 counter on target Bird, Cat, Dog, Goat, Ox, or Snake.

Drawn Together

As Drawn Together enters, choose an artist.
Creatures with art by the chosen artist get +2/+2.

Far Out

Rather than choose the indicated number of modes for spells and abilities you control, you may choose one or more modes. You can't choose any mode more than once.

Lose Focus

Replicate {U} (When you cast this spell, copy it for each time you paid its replicate cost. You may choose new targets for the copies.)
Counter target spell unless its controller pays {2}.

Bake into a Pie

Destroy target creature. Create a Food token. (It's an artifact with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this token: You gain 3 life.")

Smart Ass

Whenever Smart Ass attacks, choose a card name. If defending player has no cards with the chosen name in their hand, they may reveal their hand. If they don't reveal their hand, Smart Ass can't be blocked this turn.

Photo Op

Before the game begins, you may post a picture of yourself posing like the art of any Magic card with #GuessThatMagicCard and no other text.
You may reveal a reply posted today with a guess and a card you own from outside the game with the same name as that guess. Put that card into your hand. Exile Photo Op.

Cunning

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +3/+3.
When enchanted creature attacks or blocks, sacrifice Cunning at the beginning of the next cleanup step.

Remodel

If you control two or more green permanents that share an artist, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.
Exile target artifact.

The Cheese Stands Alone

When you control no permanents other than The Cheese Stands Alone and have no cards in hand, you win the game.

Red-Hot Hottie

Whenever Red-Hot Hottie deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."

Aesthetic Consultation

Choose an artist. Exile the top six cards of your library, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card with art by the chosen artist. Put that card in your hand and exile all other cards revealed this way.

Laughing Hyena

Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.

Getaway Car

Haste
Whenever Getaway Car attacks or blocks, return up to one target creature that crewed it this turn to its owner's hand.
Crew 1

Master Chef

Commander creatures you own have "This creature enters with an additional +1/+1 counter on it" and "Other creatures you control enter with an additional +1/+1 counter on them."

Spontaneous Artist

When Spontaneous Artist enters, you get {E} (an energy counter).
Pay {E}: Target creature gains haste until end of turn.

Trustworthy Scout

{1}{W}, Exile Trustworthy Scout from your graveyard: Search your library for a card named Trustworthy Scout, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Free-Range Chicken

{1}{G}: Roll two six-sided dice. If both results are the same, Free-Range Chicken gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is that result. If the total of those results is equal to any other total you have rolled this turn for this ability, sacrifice it. (For example, if you roll two 3s, it gets +3/+3. If you roll a 4 and a 2 for this ability later that turn, sacrifice it.)

Killer Service

When Killer Service enters, create a number of Food tokens equal to the number of opponents you have. (They're artifacts with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.")
At the beginning of your end step, you may pay {2} and sacrifice a token. If you do, create a 4/4 green Rhino Warrior creature token.

Blim, Comedic Genius

Flying
Whenever Blim, Comedic Genius deals combat damage to a player, that player gains control of target permanent you control. Then each player loses life and discards cards equal to the number of permanents they control but don't own.