Border Guardian

Whenever you cast a silver-bordered spell, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.
Whenever you cast a black-bordered spell, this creature can't be blocked this turn.
Whenever you cast a white-bordered spell, this creature gains double strike until end of turn.

City of Ass

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle

As this artifact enters, you and an opponent each secretly choose Whack or Doodle. Then those choices are revealed. If the choices match, this artifact has that ability. Otherwise, it has Buzz.
• Whack — {T}: Target player loses 2 life.
• Doodle — {T}: You gain 3 life.
• Buzz — {2}, {T}: Draw a card.

Saw in Half

Destroy target creature. If that creature dies this way, its controller creates two tokens that are copies of that creature, except their power is half that creature's power and their toughness is half that creature's toughness. Round up each time.

Chaos Confetti

{4}, {T}: Tear this artifact into pieces. Throw the pieces onto the battlefield from a distance of at least five feet. Destroy each permanent that a piece touches. Remove the pieces from the game.

Alexander Clamilton

Whenever you cast a wordy spell, scry 2. (A spell is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)
{1}{R}, {T}: Choose target creature you don't control. Reveal the top card of your library. Alexander Clamilton gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of lines of rules text of the revealed card. Alexander Clamilton fights that creature.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Carnivorous Death-Parrot

Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice this creature unless you say its flavor text.

Staff of Nin

At the beginning of your upkeep, draw a card.
{T}: This artifact deals 1 damage to any target.

Assquatch

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.
Whenever another Donkey enters, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile this Aura instead.

Clay Pigeon

Flying
{1}, Throw this creature into the air at least two feet above your head while seated: If you catch this creature with one hand, prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to you this turn and tap this creature. Otherwise, sacrifice it.

Clam Session

As this creature enters, choose a word.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may sing at least six words of a song, at least one of which is the chosen word. If you don't, sacrifice this creature. You can't repeat a song.

Avatar of Me

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.