Gus enters with a +1/+1 counter on it for each Magic game you have lost to one of your opponents since you last won a game against them.

Collector Protector

{W}, Give an opponent a nonland card you own from outside the game: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to you or Collector Protector this turn.

Squirrel Dealer

When Squirrel Dealer enters, ask a person outside the game "Do you like Squirrels?" If they do, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Hammer Jammer

As Hammer Jammer enters, roll a six-sided die. Hammer Jammer enters with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.
Whenever you roll a die, remove all +1/+1 counters from Hammer Jammer, then put a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.

Spirit of the Season

When Spirit of the Season enters, it gains haste if it's summer. Put a +1/+1 counter on it if it's autumn. You gain 5 life if it's winter. If it's spring, search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

It That Gets Left Hanging

When It That Gets Left Hanging enters, ask a person outside the game to high-five you. If they won't, It That Gets Left Hanging gains haste until end of turn.

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile Animate Library instead.

Zombie Fanboy

As Zombie Fanboy enters, choose an artist.
Whenever a permanent with art by the chosen artist is put into a graveyard, put two +1/+1 counters on Zombie Fanboy.

The Fallen Apart

The Fallen Apart enters with two arms and two legs.
Whenever damage is dealt to The Fallen Apart, remove an arm or a leg from it.
The Fallen Apart can't attack if it has no legs and can't block if it has no arms.

Vile Bile

Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches Vile Bile, that player loses 2 life.

Gluetius Maximus

As Gluetius Maximus enters, an opponent chooses one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.)
When the chosen finger isn't touching Gluetius Maximus, sacrifice Gluetius Maximus.

Defective Detective

Defective Detective can't be blocked.
When Defective Detective enters, a person outside the game looks at target opponent's hand and chooses a card from it. That player reveals that card.

Ground Pounder

{3}{G}: Roll a six-sided die. Ground Pounder gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.
Whenever you roll a 5 or higher on a die, Ground Pounder gains trample until end of turn.

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Man of Measure

As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.
As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.

Cardpecker

Flying
Gotcha — If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.

Slaying Mantis

Just a second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't move permanents.)
Slaying Mantis enters by being thrown from a distance of at least three feet.
When Slaying Mantis enters, it fights each creature an opponent controls that it touched as it entered.

Free-Range Chicken

{1}{G}: Roll two six-sided dice. If both results are the same, Free-Range Chicken gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is that result. If the total of those results is equal to any other total you have rolled this turn for this ability, sacrifice it. (For example, if you roll two 3s, it gets +3/+3. If you roll a 4 and a 2 for this ability later that turn, sacrifice it.)

Inhumaniac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or 4, put a +1/+1 counter on Inhumaniac. On a 5 or higher, put two +1/+1 counters on it. On a 1, remove all +1/+1 counters from Inhumaniac.

Party Crasher

Haste
You can attack with Party Crasher once each combat during each opponent's turn.

Laughing Hyena

Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Stet, Draconic Proofreader

Flying
Whenever Stet, Draconic Proofreader attacks, you may exile a card from your graveyard. When you do, Stet, Draconic Proofreader deals 4 damage to any target whose name begins with the same letter as the exiled card.
{W}: Delete the first letter of target permanent or player's name until end of turn.

Extremely Slow Zombie

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)

Scissors Lizard

Creatures named Paper Tiger can't attack or block.

Goblin Bowling Team

If Goblin Bowling Team would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals that much damage plus the result of a six-sided die roll to that permanent or player instead.

Miss Demeanor

Flying, first strike
At the beginning of each other player's upkeep, you may compliment that player on their game play. If you don't, sacrifice Miss Demeanor.

Keeper of the Sacred Word

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Censorship

As Censorship enters, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

Ghazbán Ogress

When Ghazbán Ogress enters, if one player has won more Magic games that day than any other player, that player gains control of Ghazbán Ogress.

Paper Tiger

Creatures named Rock Lobster can't attack or block.

Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

As long as X is in X's owner's opponent's hand, X's owner may cast X and activate X's abilities. That opponent can't cast X and plays with their hand revealed.
{U}{B}, {T}: Put X into target opponent's hand.
{3}{U}{B}: You may play a land or cast a spell from the hand X is in. If you cast a spell this way, you cast it without paying its mana cost.

Clambassadors

Whenever Clambassadors deals damage to a player, choose an artifact, creature, or land you control. That player gains control of that permanent.

Deadhead

{0}: Return Deadhead from your graveyard to the battlefield. Activate only if an opponent isn't touching their hand (of cards).

Chicken Egg

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 6, sacrifice Chicken Egg and create a 4/4 red Giant Bird creature token.

Three-Headed Goblin

Triple strike (This creature deals first-strike, regular, and last-strike combat damage.)

Skull Saucer

Flying
When Skull Saucer enters, destroy target creature and put your head on the table. Sacrifice Skull Saucer when your head stops touching the table.

Shellephant

{0}: Choose one. You may activate this ability while Shellephant is in any zone.
• Shellephant has base power and toughness 1/4.
• Shellephant has base power and toughness 3/3.

Goblin Haberdasher

Menace (This creature can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.)
Other creatures you control wearing hats in their art have menace.

Ol' Buzzbark

When Ol' Buzzbark enters, roll X six-sided dice onto the battlefield from a height of at least X inches. For each die, put a number of +1/+1 counters equal to the result on each creature you control that die is touching. For each die, Ol' Buzzbark deals damage equal to the result to each creature an opponent controls that die is touching.

Rock Lobster

Creatures named Scissors Lizard can't attack or block.

Sly Spy

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, that player reveals their hand. You choose a card from it with the longest name. That player discards that card.

Border Guardian

Whenever you cast a silver-bordered spell, put a +1/+1 counter on Border Guardian.
Whenever you cast a black-bordered spell, Border Guardian can't be blocked this turn.
Whenever you cast a white-bordered spell, Border Guardian gains double strike until end of turn.

Chivalrous Chevalier

Flying
When Chivalrous Chevalier enters, return a creature you control to its owner's hand unless you compliment an opponent.

Clocknapper

When Clocknapper enters, choose beginning phase, first main phase, combat phase, postcombat main phase, or ending phase. Steal that phase from target player during their next turn. (That phase occurs as though it's your turn instead.)

Six-y Beast

As Six-y Beast enters, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice Six-y Beast after it enters.

Elvish Impersonators

As Elvish Impersonators enters, roll a six-sided die twice. Its base power becomes the first result and its base toughness becomes the second result.

Flavor Judge

{T}: Choose target spell or ability that targets a permanent you control. Then ask a person outside the game if the story of what will happen makes sense. If they say no, sacrifice Flavor Judge and counter that spell or ability.

Socketed Sprocketer

{T}: Uninstall all results from Socketed Sprocketer, then roll a six-sided die. Install the result on Socketed Sprocketer. (Put the die on this card.)
You may uninstall a result from Socketed Sprocketer to use it for a die you rolled.
Uninstall a 6 from Socketed Sprocketer: Draw a card.

Poultrygeist

Flying
Whenever a creature dies, you may roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, sacrifice Poultrygeist. Otherwise, put a +1/+1 counter on Poultrygeist.

Elvish House Party

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

Modular Monstrosity

Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you have five seconds to choose a keyword you haven't chosen for a card named Modular Monstrosity today that's been printed on a creature card. If you do, Modular Monstrosity gains that ability. Otherwise, Modular Monstrosity loses all keyword abilities.

Goblin S.W.A.T. Team

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

Snickering Squirrel

You may tap Snickering Squirrel to increase the result of a die any player rolled by 1.

Phyrexian Librarian

Flying, trample
At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library and balance it on your body.
When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced card, sacrifice Phyrexian Librarian.

Goblin Mime

Creature Guy

Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Charm School

As Charm School enters, choose a color and balance Charm School on your head.
Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you by sources of the chosen color.
When Charm School falls off your head, sacrifice Charm School.