Dismal Backwater

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, you gain 1 life.
{T}: Add {U} or {B}.

Plains

Ass Whuppin'

Destroy target silver-bordered or acorn permanent in any game you can see from your seat.

Ambiguity

Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.

Bloodfell Caves

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, you gain 1 life.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Common Courtesy

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.
When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice this enchantment.

Mystic Monastery

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {U}, {R}, or {W}.

Booster Tutor

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Jungle Shrine

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {R}, {G}, or {W}.

Five-Finger Discount

Put target nonland permanent into your hand. You may spend mana as though it were mana of any color the next time you cast that card.

Face to Face

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Spatula of the Ages

{4}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: You may put a silver-bordered or acorn permanent card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice this artifact.

Ricochet

Whenever a player casts a spell that targets a single player, each player rolls a six-sided die. Change the target of that spell to the player with the lowest result. Reroll to break ties, if necessary.

Goblin Tutor

Roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, Goblin Tutor has no effect. Otherwise, search your library for the indicated card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.
2 — A card named Goblin Tutor
3 — An enchantment
4 — An artifact
5 — A creature
6 — An instant or sorcery

Island

Red-Hot Hottie

Whenever this creature deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."

Wind-Scarred Crag

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, you gain 1 life.
{T}: Add {R} or {W}.

Ashnod's Coupon

{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.

Farewell to Arms

As this enchantment enters, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.
When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice this enchantment. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

Gerrymandering

Exile all lands. Give each player a number of those cards chosen at random equal to the number of those cards the player controlled. Each player returns those cards to the battlefield under their control.

Cramped Bunker

At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, that player moves a permanent they control to touch this enchantment and no other permanents. If the player can't, destroy each permanent they control that isn't touching this enchantment, then sacrifice it.

Fascist Art Director

{W}{W}: This creature gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Surgeon General Commander

Whenever you augment, enchant, or mutate a creature you control, draw a card.
{T}: Add {W}, {U}, {B}, {R}, or {G}.

Staying Power

"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Squirrel Farm

{1}{G}: Reveal a card in your hand, covering the artist credit. Target opponent guesses the artist. If they guess wrong, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Jalum Grifter

{1}{R}, {T}: Shuffle Jalum Grifter and two lands you control face down. Target opponent chooses one of those cards. Turn the cards face up. If they chose Jalum Grifter, sacrifice it. Otherwise, destroy target permanent.

Land Aid '04

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.

Summon the Pack

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put all creature cards revealed this way onto the battlefield under your control. They're Zombies in addition to their other types. (Remove those cards from your deck before beginning a new game.)

I'm Rubber, You're Glue

When you speak in non-rhyming sentences, sacrifice this enchantment.
Say "I'm rubber, you're glue. Everything bounces off me and sticks to you": Change the target of target spell or ability that targets only you.

Opulent Palace

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B}, {G}, or {U}.

Incoming!

Each player searches their library for any number of artifact, creature, enchantment, and/or land cards, puts them onto the battlefield, then shuffles.

Mouth to Mouth

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

Handcuffs

As this enchantment enters, choose a player.
When the chosen player's hands aren't touching each other, sacrifice this enchantment and that player sacrifices three permanents.

Meddling Kids

As this creature enters, choose a word with four or more letters.
Spells with the chosen word in their text box can't be cast.

Cheap Ass

Jungle Hollow

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, you gain 1 life.
{T}: Add {B} or {G}.

Swiftwater Cliffs

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, you gain 1 life.
{T}: Add {U} or {R}.

Sandsteppe Citadel

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {W}, {B}, or {G}.

Head to Head

You and target opponent play Seven Questions with the top card of that player's library. If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice. (To play Seven Questions, that player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that they answer truthfully. You guess the card's name—that's question seven—then the player reveals the card.)

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Blast from the Past

Madness {R}, cycling {1}{R}, kicker {2}{R}, flashback {3}{R}, buyback {4}{R}
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.

Scoured Barrens

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, you gain 1 life.
{T}: Add {W} or {B}.

Topsy Turvy

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, second main, combat, first main, and beginning.)
As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

Hot Fix

You have ten seconds to look at and rearrange the cards in your library. At the end of those ten seconds, if you're touching one or more of those cards, shuffle.

Stone-Cold Basilisk

Whenever this creature blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.)
Whenever an opponent reads this creature, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.

Urza's Hot Tub

{2}, Discard a card: Search your library for a card that shares a complete word in its name with the discarded card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Bureaucracy

Pursuant to subsection 3.1(4) of Richard's Rules of Order, at the beginning of the upkeep of each participant in this game of the Magic: The Gathering® trading card game (hereafter known as "PLAYER"), that PLAYER performs all actions in the sequence of previously added actions (hereafter known as "ACTION QUEUE"), in the order those actions were added, then adds another action to the end of the ACTION QUEUE. All actions must be simple physical or verbal actions that a player can perform while sitting in a chair, without jeopardizing the health and security of said PLAYER.
When any PLAYER does not perform all the prescribed actions in the correct order, sacrifice this enchantment and said PLAYER discards their complement of cards in hand (hereafter known as "HAND").

Side to Side

You and target opponent arm-wrestle. If you win, create a 3/3 green Ape creature token.

Yet Another Aether Vortex

All creatures have haste.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.

Strategy, Schmategy

Roll a six-sided die. Strategy, Schmategy has the indicated effect.
1 — Do nothing.
2 — Destroy all artifacts.
3 — Destroy all lands.
4 — Strategy, Schmategy deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.
5 — Each player discards their hand and draws seven cards.
6 — Repeat this process two more times.

Tranquil Cove

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, you gain 1 life.
{T}: Add {W} or {U}.

Forest

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if this card is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return this artifact to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see this artifact.
{2}, Sacrifice this artifact: Destroy target attacking creature.

Prismatic Wardrobe

Destroy target nonartifact, nonland permanent that doesn't share a color with clothing worn by its controller.

Crumbling Necropolis

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {U}, {B}, or {R}.

Defective Detective

This creature can't be blocked.
When this creature enters, a person outside the game looks at target opponent's hand and chooses a card from it. That player reveals that card.

Sly Spy

Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, that player reveals the top card of their library. Put that card into your hand and you lose life equal to its mana value.

My First Tome

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Goblin S.W.A.T. Team

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on this creature unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

Jack-in-the-Mox

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect.
1 — Sacrifice this artifact and you lose 5 life.
2 — Add {W}.
3 — Add {U}.
4 — Add {B}.
5 — Add {R}.
6 — Add {G}.

Greater Morphling

{2}: This creature gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.
{2}: This creature becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: This creature becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: This creature's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: This creature's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: This creature gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.
{2}: Untap this creature.

Savage Lands

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B}, {R}, or {G}.

Thornwood Falls

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, you gain 1 life.
{T}: Add {G} or {U}.

Question Elemental?

Did you know this creature has flying?
Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of this creature?

Swamp

Better Than One

A person outside the game becomes your teammate. (Choose any number of cards in your hand, on top of your library, or on the battlefield under your control. Those cards become your teammate's hand, library, and permanents, respectively.)

Crow Storm

Create a 1/2 blue Bird creature token with flying named Storm Crow.
Storm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each spell cast before it this turn.)

Blossoming Sands

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, you gain 1 life.
{T}: Add {G} or {W}.

Richard Garfield, Ph.D.

You may play cards as though they were other cards of your choice with the same mana cost. You can't choose the same card twice. (Mana cost includes color.)

Underdome

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

_____

{1}: This card's name becomes the card name of your choice. Activate anywhere, anytime.

Cardboard Carapace

Enchant creature
For each other card named Cardboard Carapace you have with you outside the game, enchanted creature gets +1/+1.

Nomad Outpost

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {R}, {W}, or {B}.

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile this Aura instead.

Frontier Bivouac

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {G}, {U}, or {R}.

Necro-Impotence

Skip your untap step.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay X life. If you do, untap X permanents.
Pay ½ life: Exile the top card of your library face down. Put that card into your hand at the beginning of the next end step.

Arcane Sanctum

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {W}, {U}, or {B}.

R&D's Secret Lair

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.
{T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

Mountain

Sex Appeal

Prevent the next 3 damage that would be dealt this turn to any number of targets, divided as you choose. If there are more people in the room of a different gender than you are as you cast this spell, prevent the next 6 damage this way instead.

Rugged Highlands

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, you gain 1 life.
{T}: Add {R} or {G}.

Letter Bomb

When this artifact enters, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw this card. When that player draws this card, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Seaside Citadel

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {G}, {W}, or {U}.

Circle of Protection: Art

As this enchantment enters, choose an artist.
{1}{W}: The next time a source of your choice with art by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.
{1}{W}: Return this enchantment to its owner's hand.

Tainted Monkey

{T}: Choose a word. Target player mills a card. If a card with the chosen word in its text box was milled this way, they lose 3 life.

Old Fogey

Phasing, cumulative upkeep {1}, echo {G}{G}, fading 3, bands with other Dinosaurs, protection from Homarids, snow-covered plainswalk, flanking, rampage 2

Aesthetic Consultation

Choose an artist. Exile the top six cards of your library, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card with art by the chosen artist. Put that card in your hand and exile all other cards revealed this way.