Tainted Monkey

{T}: Choose a word. Target player mills a card. If a card with the chosen word in its text box was milled this way, they lose 3 life.

Kaya, Ghost Haunter

0: Exile Kaya, Ghost Haunter haunting target creature for as long as that creature remains on the battlefield.
−1: You get an emblem with, "At the beginning of your upkeep, this emblem deals 3 damage to the owner of target haunted creature."
−2: You get an emblem with, "At the beginning of your upkeep, gain control of target haunted creature for as long as it remains haunted."

Graveyard Busybody

All graveyards are also your graveyards.
Graveyard Busybody's power and toughness are each equal to the number of cards with flavor text in your graveyards.

Clam Session

As Clam Session enters, choose a word.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may sing at least six words of a song, at least one of which is the chosen word. If you don't, sacrifice Clam Session. You can't repeat a song.

Abian, Luvion Usurper

As Abian, Luvion Usurper enters, you become Abian. (Your life total becomes equal to their loyalty. You can activate the loyalty abilities by spending or gaining life.)
+3: Discard your hand, then draw cards equal to the greatest power among creatures you control.
+1: Create a 3/2 red and green Spirit creature token.
−X: You deal X damage to any target.

Princess Twilight Sparkle

Flying
Other Alicorns, Horses, Pegasi, Ponies, and Unicorns you control get +1/+1.
{W}{U}{B}{R}{G}: If you control Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity, everypony wins the game.

Temp of the Damned

As Temp of the Damned enters, roll a six-sided die. Temp of the Damned enters with a number of funk counters on it equal to the result.
At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a funk counter from Temp of the Damned. If you can't, sacrifice it.

Siege Elemental

Trample
Untapped creatures can't block.
Tapped creatures can block.

Beast in Show

Spy Eye

Flying
Whenever Spy Eye deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card from that player's library.

Collector Protector

{W}, Give an opponent a nonland card you own from outside the game: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to you or Collector Protector this turn.

Bloodletter

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

Sol, Advocate Eternal

Legendary partner (You can have two commanders if this is one of them. The other one is promoted to legendary.)
Flying, vigilance
Teamwork — Whenever you attack or block with both Sol, Advocate Eternal and its partner, support 4 and investigate four times.

Sly Spy

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, you may destroy target creature facing left in its art. (Creatures without faces don't face anywhere.)

Queue of Beetles

Haste
The stack is now first in, first out instead of last in, first out. (The first spell or ability on the stack is the first one to resolve.)

Earl of Squirrel

Squirrellink (Damage dealt by this creature also causes you to create that many 1/1 green Squirrel creature tokens.)
Creature tokens you control are Squirrels in addition to their other creature types.
Other Squirrels you control get +1/+1.

Garbage Elemental

Frenzy 2 (Whenever this creature attacks and isn't blocked, it gets +2/+0 until end of turn.)
Garbage Elemental can't be blocked by wordy creatures. (A creature is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

Chandra, Gremlin Wrangler

+1: Create a 2/2 red Gremlin creature token.
−2: Chandra, Gremlin Wrangler deals X damage to target creature or player, where X is the number of Gremlins you control.

Goblin Bookie

{R}, {T}: Reflip any coin or reroll any die. (Activate only any time it makes sense.)

Frazzled Editor

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

Lazier Goblin

Motivate {3}{R} (This creature can't attack or block unless you have paid its motivate cost once. Motivate only as a sorcery.)
When Lazier Goblin enters, it deals 2 damage to any target.

Celestine Cave Witch

When Celestine Cave Witch enters, create two 1/1 black Insect creature tokens.
Whenever Celestine Cave Witch attacks, you may sacrifice an Insect. When you do, curse defending player. (Create a black Aura Curse enchantment token that's attached to that player. It has enchant player and "At the beginning of your upkeep, you lose 1 life.")

Mother of Goons

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)
Battalion — Whenever Garbage Elemental and at least two other creatures attack, target creature can't block this turn.

Goblin Bowling Team

If Goblin Bowling Team would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals that much damage plus the result of a six-sided die roll to that permanent or player instead.

Knight of the Kitchen Sink

First strike, protection from watermarks (Nothing with a watermark can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Clambassadors

Whenever Clambassadors deals damage to a player, choose an artifact, creature, or land you control. That player gains control of that permanent.

Frogkin Kidnapper

When Frogkin Kidnapper enters, target opponent reveals their hand. Choose a nonland card from it. Ransom that card. (Exile it. Its owner may pay {3} at any time to return it to their hand.)

S.N.E.A.K. Dispatcher

{2}{U}, {T}: Look at the top card of target player's library. If it has an Agents of S.N.E.A.K. watermark, you may reveal it and put it into your hand. Otherwise, put it on your choice of the top or bottom of its owner's library.

Druid of the Sacred Beaker

{T}: Add {G} for each Crossbreed Labs watermark among permanents you control.

Plane-Merge Elf

Landship — At the beginning of your upkeep, you may look at the top card of your library. If it's a land, you may reveal it. If you do, create a 1/1 green Elf Warrior creature token.
Kinfall — Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under your control, if it shares a creature type with Plane-Merge Elf, creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.

Greater Morphling

{2}: Greater Morphling gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.
{2}: Greater Morphling gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.
{2}: Untap Greater Morphling.

Lightning Colt

When Lightning Colt enters, it deals 3 damage to any target.

Meddling Kids

As Meddling Kids enters, choose a word with four or more letters.
Spells with the chosen word in their text box can't be cast.

Magical Hacker

{U}: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

Cardpecker

Flying
Gotcha — If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.

Cascade (When you cast this spell, exile cards from the top of your library until you exile a nonland card that costs less. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Put the exiled cards on the bottom in a random order.)
When Garbage Elemental enters, roll a six-sided die. Garbage Elemental deals damage equal to the result to target opponent or planeswalker.

Keeper of the Sacred Word

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Unleash (You may have this creature enter with a +1/+1 counter on it. It can't block as long as it has a +1/+1 counter on it.)
Each creature you control with any kind of counter on it has art menace. (They can't be blocked except by creatures with two or more visible figures in their art.)

Party Crasher

Haste
You can attack with Party Crasher once each combat during each opponent's turn.

Three-Headed Goblin

Triple strike (This creature deals first-strike, regular, and last-strike combat damage.)

Everlasting Lich

Everlasting Lich can't block.
Everlasting Lich can't die. (This creature has indestructible, can't be sacrificed, and doesn't go to the graveyard for having 0 toughness.)

Yule Ooze

At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy another nonland permanent chosen at random, then put a number of +1/+1 counters on Yule Ooze equal to that permanent's converted mana cost.
{R}{G}, Eat some food: Regenerate Yule Ooze.

Little Girl

Stocking Tiger

Stocking Tiger enters with a sealed Magic booster pack under it.
When Stocking Tiger deals combat damage to a player, unwrap the booster pack and put it into your hand.

Border Guardian

Whenever you cast a silver-bordered spell, put a +1/+1 counter on Border Guardian.
Whenever you cast a black-bordered spell, Border Guardian can't be blocked this turn.
Whenever you cast a white-bordered spell, Border Guardian gains double strike until end of turn.

Toy Boat

Cumulative upkeep—Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on Toy Boat, then sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each age counter on it—without pausing between or fumbling it.)

Khod, Etlan Shiis Envoy

All lands are Islands in addition to their other types.
Other Homarids, Camarids, Cephalids, Nautilids, and Merfolk you control get +1/+1.

Golgari Death Swarm

Five Kids in a Trenchcoat

Five Kids in a Trenchcoat counts as five creatures for spells and effects that count the number of creatures you control.

Creature Guy

Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Miss Demeanor

Flying, first strike
At the beginning of each other player's upkeep, you may compliment that player on their game play. If you don't, sacrifice Miss Demeanor.

Chivalrous Chevalier

Flying
When Chivalrous Chevalier enters, return a creature you control to its owner's hand unless you compliment an opponent.

Princess Luna

Flying
When this creature transforms into Princess Luna, choose up to six cards you own from outside the game with a moon in their art, then exile those cards. As long as those cards remain exiled, you may cast them, and your friends may cast them with your permission. (Gifts are appreciated.)

Nightmare Moon

Flying
As long as it's nighttime, Nightmare Moon gets +2/+2 and has menace.
{6}: Transform Nightmare Moon. Anypony may activate this ability or help pay the cost. When they do, they become your friend.

Nightmare Moon // Princess Luna

Stone-Cold Basilisk

Whenever Stone-Cold Basilisk blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.)
Whenever an opponent reads Stone-Cold Basilisk, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.

Jalum Grifter

{1}{R}, {T}: Shuffle Jalum Grifter and two lands you control face down. Target opponent chooses one of those cards. Turn the cards face up. If they chose Jalum Grifter, sacrifice it. Otherwise, destroy target permanent.

B.F.M. (Big Furry Monster)

B.F.M. onto the battlefield. If one B.F.M. card
more creatures.

Elvish House Party

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, that player reveals the top card of their library. Put that card into your hand and you lose life equal to its mana value.

Togglodyte

Togglodyte enters turned on.
Whenever a player casts a spell, toggle Togglodyte's ON/OFF switch.
As long as Togglodyte is turned off, it can't attack or block, and prevent all damage it would deal.

Biting Remark

Scrycast {0} (If you see this card while scrying, you may reveal it and cast it by paying {0}.)
Flying

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, roll a six-sided die. That player loses life equal to the result.

Puresteel Angel

Flying, indestructible
When Puresteel Angel enters, exile all artifacts that aren't colorless.
Whenever Puresteel Angel deals combat damage to a player, you get an emblem with "If you would lose the game, instead your life total becomes 20, shuffle your graveyard into your library, you lose all poison counters, and you lose this emblem."

Priority Avenger

Flying
Players can't cast instant spells unless a spell or ability is on the stack.

Tibalt the Chaotic

+1: Cast a copy of one of the following cards chosen at random—Ignorant Bliss, Crack the Earth, Blazing Volley.
−3: Cast a copy of one of the following cards chosen at random—Seething Song, Dance with Devils, Flamebreak.
−6: Cast a copy of one of the following cards chosen at random—Hellion Eruption, Insurrection, Warp World.

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, that player reveals their hand. You choose a card from it with the longest name. That player discards that card.

Socketed Sprocketer

{T}: Uninstall all results from Socketed Sprocketer, then roll a six-sided die. Install the result on Socketed Sprocketer. (Put the die on this card.)
You may uninstall a result from Socketed Sprocketer to use it for a die you rolled.
Uninstall a 6 from Socketed Sprocketer: Draw a card.

Ghazbán Ogress

When Ghazbán Ogress enters, if one player has won more Magic games that day than any other player, that player gains control of Ghazbán Ogress.

Jasconian Isle

(Jasconian Isle isn't a spell, it's affected by summoning sickness, it's blue, and it has "{T}: Add {U}.")
Jasconian Isle enters tapped.
Jasconian Isle doesn't untap during your untap step.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay {U}{U}. If you do, untap Jasconian Isle.

Underdark Beholder

Underdark Beholder enters the battlefield with ten eyestalk counters on it.
If Underdark Beholder would be dealt damage, remove that many eyestalk counters from it instead. If you can't, sacrifice it.
Whenever Underdark Beholder attacks, reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal an instant, sorcery, or enchantment card with converted mana cost less than the number of eyestalk counters on Underdark Beholder. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Shuffle your library.

Fascist Art Director

{W}{W}: Fascist Art Director gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K. can't be blocked by creatures with flavor text.
{2}{U}{B}: Phoebe permanently steals target creature's text box. (That creature loses all rules text, flavor text, and watermarks. This creature gains them.)

Control Win Condition

This spell can't be countered.
Shroud
Control Win Condition's power and toughness are each equal to the number of turns you've taken this game. (If this is in your deck, please keep track of your turns. This means you, Mark.)

Dungeon Master

+1: Target opponent creates a 1/1 black Skeleton creature token with "When this creature dies, each opponent gains 2 life."
+1: Roll a d20. If you roll a 1, skip your next turn. If you roll a 12 or higher, draw a card.
−6: You get an adventuring party. (Your party is a 3/3 red Fighter with first strike, a 1/1 white Cleric with lifelink, a 2/2 black Rogue with hexproof, and a 1/1 blue Wizard with flying.)

Zyym, Mesmeric Lord

Flying, deathtouch
When Zyym, Mesmeric Lord enters the battlefield, target opponent chooses an order for the cards in their hand, then reveals them one by one until you say stop. That player then discards the most recently revealed card.

As long as X is in X's owner's opponent's hand, X's owner may cast X and activate X's abilities. That opponent can't cast X and plays with their hand revealed.
{U}{B}, {T}: Put X into target opponent's hand.
{3}{U}{B}: You may play a land or cast a spell from the hand X is in. If you cast a spell this way, you cast it without paying its mana cost.

Vazal, the Compleat

Megalegendary (Your deck can have only one copy of this card.)
Vigilance, trample
Vazal, the Compleat has the activated abilities of all other permanents on the battlefield.

Goblin Secret Agent

First strike
At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal a card from your hand at random.

Geometric Weird

At the beginning of each end step, you may have Geometric Weird's base power and toughness each become equal to the greatest number of spells and abilities from different sources that were on the stack simultaneously that turn.

First strike, protection from even collector numbers (Nothing with an even collector number can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Chicken Egg

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 6, sacrifice Chicken Egg and create a 4/4 red Giant Bird creature token.

Weaponized Scrap

Upgrade (This creature enters covering another artifact you control. If it can't, exile it. Ignore the artifact it's covering. Anywhere this card goes, cards underneath it also go. It has haste.)

Artful Looter

{T}: Draw a card, then discard a card.
Whenever a permanent that shares an artist with another permanent you control enters, untap Artful Looter.

Monkey Monkey Monkey

As Monkey Monkey Monkey enters, choose a letter.
Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.

Spike, Tournament Grinder

({B/P} can be paid with either {B} or 2 life.)
{B/P}{B/P}{B/P}{B/P}: Reveal a card you own from outside the game that has been banned or restricted in a Constructed format and put it into your hand.

Kindly Cognician

Spells you cast that refer to artifacts or Contraptions in their rules text cost {1} less to cast.

Fruitcake Elemental

Fruitcake Elemental is indestructible.
At the end of your turn, Fruitcake Elemental deals 7 damage to you.
{3}: Target player gains control of Fruitcake Elemental.

First strike, protection from black borders (Nothing with a black border can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Curse of the Fire Penguin Creature

Trample
When this creature dies, return Curse of the Fire Penguin to the battlefield.

Curse of the Fire Penguin

Enchant creature
Curse of the Fire Penguin consumes and confuses enchanted creature.

Curse of the Fire Penguin // Curse of the Fire Penguin Creature

Smart Ass

Whenever Smart Ass attacks, choose a card name. If defending player has no cards with the chosen name in their hand, they may reveal their hand. If they don't reveal their hand, Smart Ass can't be blocked this turn.

Fat Ass

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Inspirational Antelope

Legacy — Before the game starts, choose a keyword or ability word and write it below.
Spells with __________ you cast cost {1} less to cast.

Laughing Hyena

Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.

The Fallen Apart

The Fallen Apart enters with two arms and two legs.
Whenever damage is dealt to The Fallen Apart, remove an arm or a leg from it.
The Fallen Apart can't attack if it has no legs and can't block if it has no arms.

Chronobot

When Chronobot enters, switch upkeep steps with target opponent for as long as it remains on the battlefield. (You take your upkeep on their turn, and they take their upkeep on your turn.)

Target Minotaur

Prowess (Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, this creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.)

Cyclopean Titan

When Cyclopean Titan dies, two target lands become Swamps. Exile Cyclopean Titan.
{3}, {T}: Tap target creature, then return Cyclopean Titan to its owner's hand.

Gunk Slug

When Gunk Slug enters, create three Gunk token cards and shuffle them into target opponent's library. (Gunk is a colorless sorcery card with no mana cost that has cycling {4}.)

Dumb Ass

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.

Vile Bile

Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches Vile Bile, that player loses 2 life.

It That Gets Left Hanging

When It That Gets Left Hanging enters, ask a person outside the game to high-five you. If they won't, It That Gets Left Hanging gains haste until end of turn.

Red Herring

{1}{U}: Exchange Red Herring from your hand with a permanent you control on the battlefield or a spell you control on the stack. If that permanent or spell was the target of a spell or ability, change that target to Red Herring.

Double Header

Flying
When Double Header enters, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

Bursting Beebles

Bursting Beebles can't be blocked as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.