Old-Fashioned Vampire

Flying
Old-Fashioned Vampire gets +2/+2 and has deathtouch as long as it's dark outdoors.

Beast in Show

Knight of the Kitchen Sink

First strike, protection from odd collector numbers (Nothing with an odd collector number can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Blurry Beeble

Blurry (This creature can be blocked only if defending player was wearing glasses as it was cast.)
Whenever Blurry Beeble deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.

It That Gets Left Hanging

When It That Gets Left Hanging enters, ask a person outside the game to high-five you. If they won't, It That Gets Left Hanging gains haste until end of turn.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K. can't be blocked by creatures with flavor text.
{2}{U}{B}: Phoebe permanently steals target creature's text box. (That creature loses all rules text, flavor text, and watermarks. This creature gains them.)

Swarm of Locus

Flying
Whenever Swarm of Locus attacks, it gets +1/+0 until end of turn for each Locus you control.

Baron Von Count

Baron Von Count enters with a doom counter on "5."
Whenever you cast a spell with the indicated numeral in its mana cost, text box, power, or toughness, move the doom counter one numeral to the left.
When the doom counter moves from "1," destroy target player and put that doom counter on "5."

Ladies' Knight

Flying
Spells cast by players wearing at least one item of women's clothing cost {1} less to cast. (You can define women's clothing as you see fit. Be reasonable.)

Baneslayer Aspirant

Baneslayer Aspirant gets +3/+3 and has flying, first strike, and lifelink as long as you have one or more emblems.

Jasconian Isle

(Jasconian Isle isn't a spell, it's affected by summoning sickness, it's blue, and it has "{T}: Add {U}.")
Jasconian Isle enters tapped.
Jasconian Isle doesn't untap during your untap step.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay {U}{U}. If you do, untap Jasconian Isle.

Recycla-bird

Flying
When Recycla-bird dies, put a flying counter on target creature you control.

Kharis & The Beholder

Flying
When Kharis & The Beholder enters and at the beginning of your upkeep, create a 1/1 white Human creature token and make a charisma check. (Roll a d20.)
• If the result plus the number of creatures you control is greater than 11, put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control.
• If the result is a natural 20, for each nonlegendary creature you control, create a token that's a copy of that creature.

Laughing Hyena

Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.

Learned Learner

As long as you have a maximum hand size other than 7, Learned Learner has "{T}: Draw a card."

Underdark Beholder

Underdark Beholder enters the battlefield with ten eyestalk counters on it.
If Underdark Beholder would be dealt damage, remove that many eyestalk counters from it instead. If you can't, sacrifice it.
Whenever Underdark Beholder attacks, reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal an instant, sorcery, or enchantment card with converted mana cost less than the number of eyestalk counters on Underdark Beholder. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Shuffle your library.

Sol, Advocate Eternal

Legendary partner (You can have two commanders if this is one of them. The other one is promoted to legendary.)
Flying, vigilance
Teamwork — Whenever you attack or block with both Sol, Advocate Eternal and its partner, support 4 and investigate four times.

Siege Elemental

Trample
Untapped creatures can't block.
Tapped creatures can block.

Bloodletter

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

First strike, protection from two-word names (Nothing with exactly two words in its name can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature. Hyphenated words are one word.)

Socketed Sprocketer

{T}: Uninstall all results from Socketed Sprocketer, then roll a six-sided die. Install the result on Socketed Sprocketer. (Put the die on this card.)
You may uninstall a result from Socketed Sprocketer to use it for a die you rolled.
Uninstall a 6 from Socketed Sprocketer: Draw a card.

Hangman

As Hangman enters, secretly note a word with six to eight letters.
{1}: Target player who doesn't control Hangman guesses the noted word or an unguessed letter in that word. If they guess wrong, put a +1/+1 counter on Hangman. Any player may activate this ability.
When a player guesses the noted word or all of its letters, sacrifice Hangman.

Fat Ass

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Chivalrous Chevalier

Flying
When Chivalrous Chevalier enters, return a creature you control to its owner's hand unless you compliment an opponent.

Toy Boat

Cumulative upkeep—Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on Toy Boat, then sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each age counter on it—without pausing between or fumbling it.)

First strike, protection from watermarks (Nothing with a watermark can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Sly Spy

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, you may destroy target creature facing left in its art. (Creatures without faces don't face anywhere.)

Chronobot

When Chronobot enters, switch upkeep steps with target opponent for as long as it remains on the battlefield. (You take your upkeep on their turn, and they take their upkeep on your turn.)

Jackknight

Whenever another artifact you control enters, put a +1/+1 counter on Jackknight. If that artifact is a Contraption, Jackknight gains lifelink until end of turn.

Red Herring

{1}{U}: Exchange Red Herring from your hand with a permanent you control on the battlefield or a spell you control on the stack. If that permanent or spell was the target of a spell or ability, change that target to Red Herring.

Border Guardian

Whenever you cast a silver-bordered spell, put a +1/+1 counter on Border Guardian.
Whenever you cast a black-bordered spell, Border Guardian can't be blocked this turn.
Whenever you cast a white-bordered spell, Border Guardian gains double strike until end of turn.

Bear with Set's Mechanic

Vigilance
Aggressive (During your turn, there is an additional combat phase after the first, and only creatures with aggressive may attack during it.)

Three-Headed Goblin

Triple strike (This creature deals first-strike, regular, and last-strike combat damage.)

Puresteel Angel

Flying, indestructible
When Puresteel Angel enters, exile all artifacts that aren't colorless.
Whenever Puresteel Angel deals combat damage to a player, you get an emblem with "If you would lose the game, instead your life total becomes 20, shuffle your graveyard into your library, you lose all poison counters, and you lose this emblem."

Garbage Elemental

Cascade (When you cast this spell, exile cards from the top of your library until you exile a nonland card that costs less. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Put the exiled cards on the bottom in a random order.)
When Garbage Elemental enters, roll a six-sided die. Garbage Elemental deals damage equal to the result to target opponent or planeswalker.

Goblin Bowling Team

If Goblin Bowling Team would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals that much damage plus the result of a six-sided die roll to that permanent or player instead.

The Fallen Apart

The Fallen Apart enters with two arms and two legs.
Whenever damage is dealt to The Fallen Apart, remove an arm or a leg from it.
The Fallen Apart can't attack if it has no legs and can't block if it has no arms.

Krazy Kow

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. If you a roll a 1, sacrifice Krazy Kow and it deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.

B.F.M. (Big Furry Monster)

You must cast both B.F.M. cards to put
leaves the battlefield, sacrifice the other.
B.F.M. can't be blocked except by three or

Blood Poet

Spark (Activate spark abilities by spending or giving yourself spark counters. Activate only one spark ability per turn, and only as a sorcery.)
+1: Blood Poet gains lifelink until end of turn.
−3: Target opponent discards a card. You gain life equal to its converted mana cost.

Double Header

Flying
When Double Header enters, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

Weaponized Scrap

Upgrade (This creature enters covering another artifact you control. If it can't, exile it. Ignore the artifact it's covering. Anywhere this card goes, cards underneath it also go. It has haste.)

Druid of the Sacred Beaker

{T}: Add {G} for each Crossbreed Labs watermark among permanents you control.

Nira, Hellkite Duelist

Flash
Flying, trample, haste
When Nira, Hellkite Duelist enters, the next time you would lose the game this turn, instead draw three cards and your life total becomes 5.

Princess Twilight Sparkle

Flying
Other Alicorns, Horses, Pegasi, Ponies, and Unicorns you control get +1/+1.
{W}{U}{B}{R}{G}: If you control Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity, everypony wins the game.

Wizened Arbiter

When Wizened Arbiter enters, you may reveal a white card you own from outside the game. If you do, exchange that card with a card in your hand.

Personal Decoy

Personal Decoy enters with a number of loyalty counters on it equal to your life total. If it would leave the battlefield, exile it instead of putting it anywhere else. You can't be attacked.
+1: You gain 1 life.
−4: Draw a card.

Jalum Grifter

{1}{R}, {T}: Shuffle Jalum Grifter and two lands you control face down. Target opponent chooses one of those cards. Turn the cards face up. If they chose Jalum Grifter, sacrifice it. Otherwise, destroy target permanent.

_____

{1}: This card's name becomes the card name of your choice. Activate anywhere, anytime.

Earl of Squirrel

Squirrellink (Damage dealt by this creature also causes you to create that many 1/1 green Squirrel creature tokens.)
Creature tokens you control are Squirrels in addition to their other creature types.
Other Squirrels you control get +1/+1.

Queue of Beetles

Haste
The stack is now first in, first out instead of last in, first out. (The first spell or ability on the stack is the first one to resolve.)

Novellamental

Flying
Novellamental can block only creatures with flying.

First strike, protection from black borders (Nothing with a black border can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Optimus Prime, Inspiring Leader

{1}: Turn target permanent you control to its other face.
{1}: Until end of turn, Optimus Prime, Inspiring Leader becomes a Construct with base power and toughness 6/6 and creatures you control gain trample.

Stocking Tiger

Stocking Tiger enters with a sealed Magic booster pack under it.
When Stocking Tiger deals combat damage to a player, unwrap the booster pack and put it into your hand.

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, roll a six-sided die. That player loses life equal to the result.

Mother of Goons

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

Target Minotaur

Prowess (Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, this creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.)

Shellephant

{0}: Choose one. You may activate this ability while Shellephant is in any zone.
• Shellephant has base power and toughness 1/4.
• Shellephant has base power and toughness 3/3.

S.N.E.A.K. Dispatcher

{2}{U}, {T}: Look at the top card of target player's library. If it has an Agents of S.N.E.A.K. watermark, you may reveal it and put it into your hand. Otherwise, put it on your choice of the top or bottom of its owner's library.

Dungeon Master

+1: Target opponent creates a 1/1 black Skeleton creature token with "When this creature dies, each opponent gains 2 life."
+1: Roll a d20. If you roll a 1, skip your next turn. If you roll a 12 or higher, draw a card.
−6: You get an adventuring party. (Your party is a 3/3 red Fighter with first strike, a 1/1 white Cleric with lifelink, a 2/2 black Rogue with hexproof, and a 1/1 blue Wizard with flying.)

Ground Pounder

{3}{G}: Roll a six-sided die. Ground Pounder gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.
Whenever you roll a 5 or higher on a die, Ground Pounder gains trample until end of turn.

Elvish House Party

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

Shoe Tree

Shoe Tree enters with up to two shoe counters on it. Use your shoes as counters.
Shoe Tree gets +1/+1 for each shoe counter on it.

Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

Plane-Merge Elf

Landship — At the beginning of your upkeep, you may look at the top card of your library. If it's a land, you may reveal it. If you do, create a 1/1 green Elf Warrior creature token.
Kinfall — Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under your control, if it shares a creature type with Plane-Merge Elf, creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.

Fruitcake Elemental

Fruitcake Elemental is indestructible.
At the end of your turn, Fruitcake Elemental deals 7 damage to you.
{3}: Target player gains control of Fruitcake Elemental.

Urza, Academy Headmaster

+1: Head to AskUrza.com and click +1.
−1: Head to AskUrza.com and click -1.
−6: Head to AskUrza.com and click -6.

Pygmy Giant

{R}, {T}, Sacrifice a creature: Pygmy Giant deals X damage to target creature, where X is a number in the sacrificed creature's text box.

Geometric Weird

At the beginning of each end step, you may have Geometric Weird's base power and toughness each become equal to the greatest number of spells and abilities from different sources that were on the stack simultaneously that turn.

Frazzled Editor

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

Interplanar Brushwagg

Interplanar (This creature enters onto the interplanar battlefield. Players can't control creatures on the interplanar battlefield.)
Vigilance, haste
Whenever a player attacks with a creature with power 4 or greater, Interplanar Brushwagg also attacks the player or planeswalker that creature is attacking.

Frenzy 2 (Whenever this creature attacks and isn't blocked, it gets +2/+0 until end of turn.)
Garbage Elemental can't be blocked by wordy creatures. (A creature is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

Bursting Beebles

Bursting Beebles can't be blocked as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)
Battalion — Whenever Garbage Elemental and at least two other creatures attack, target creature can't block this turn.

The Big Idea

{2}{B/R}{B/R}, {T}: Roll a six-sided die. Create a number of 1/1 red Brainiac creature tokens equal to the result.
Tap three untapped Brainiacs you control: The next time you would roll a six-sided die, instead roll two six-sided dice and use the total of those results.

Five Kids in a Trenchcoat

Five Kids in a Trenchcoat counts as five creatures for spells and effects that count the number of creatures you control.

Slivdrazi Monstrosity

Eldrazi you control are Slivers in addition to their other types.
Slivers you control have devoid and annihilator 1.
{3}: Create a 1/1 colorless Eldrazi Sliver creature token. It has "Sacrifice this creature: Add {C}."

Seasoned Weaponsmith

Tasty (This creature can be attacked directly. If it is attacked, it can't block creatures that didn't attack it.)

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, that player reveals the top card of their library. Put that card into your hand and you lose life equal to its mana value.

Lexivore

Whenever Lexivore deals damage to a player, destroy target permanent other than Lexivore with the most lines of text in its text box. (If two or more cards are tied, target any one of them.)

Golgari Death Swarm

Princess Luna

Flying
When this creature transforms into Princess Luna, choose up to six cards you own from outside the game with a moon in their art, then exile those cards. As long as those cards remain exiled, you may cast them, and your friends may cast them with your permission. (Gifts are appreciated.)

Nightmare Moon

Flying
As long as it's nighttime, Nightmare Moon gets +2/+2 and has menace.
{6}: Transform Nightmare Moon. Anypony may activate this ability or help pay the cost. When they do, they become your friend.

Nightmare Moon // Princess Luna

Patient Turtle

Patient Turtle enters with two +1/+1 counters on it if you didn't go first this game.

Inzerva, Master of Insights

+2: Draw two cards, then discard a card.
−2: Look at the top two cards of each other player's library, then put any number of them on the bottom of that library and the rest on top in any order. Scry 2.
−4: You get an emblem with "Your opponents play with their hands revealed" and "Whenever an opponent draws a card, this emblem deals 1 damage to them."

Loopy Lobster

Four-faced (Whenever this becomes tapped, move it to the next stage, or to stage 1 if it's at stage 4.)
Stage 1 — (1/4)
Stage 2 — (4/1) Evolve
Stage 3 — (2/4) {U}: Loopy Lobster gets +1/-1 until end of turn.
Stage 4 — (4/4) Vigilance. {T}: Draw 2 cards.

Red-Hot Hottie

Whenever Red-Hot Hottie deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."

Sliv-Mizzet, Hivemind

Slivers you control have flying and "Whenever you draw a card, this creature deals 1 damage to any target" and "{T}: Draw a card."

Brushstroke Paintermage

{T}: Target permanent's artist becomes the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Grimlock, Ferocious King

Trample
{2}, Convert a Transformers toy you own to its other mode: Grimlock, Ferocious King becomes Grimlock, Dinobot Leader.

Grimlock, Dinobot Leader

Dinosaurs, Vehicles, and other Transformers® creatures you control get +2/+0.
{2}, Convert a Transformers toy you own to its other mode: Grimlock, Dinobot Leader becomes Grimlock, Ferocious King.

Grimlock, Dinobot Leader // Grimlock, Ferocious King

B.F.M. onto the battlefield. If one B.F.M. card
more creatures.

Squirrel Dealer

When Squirrel Dealer enters, ask a person outside the game "Do you like Squirrels?" If they do, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Bosom Buddy

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

Curse of the Fire Penguin Creature

Trample
When this creature dies, return Curse of the Fire Penguin to the battlefield.

Curse of the Fire Penguin

Enchant creature
Curse of the Fire Penguin consumes and confuses enchanted creature.

Curse of the Fire Penguin // Curse of the Fire Penguin Creature

Knight of the Widget

Vigilance
Knight of the Widget's power and toughness are each equal to the number of Order of the Widget watermarks among permanents you control.

Louvaq, the Aberrant

Protection from modified creatures (Modified creatures have a power, toughness, or ability different than their printed versions.)
At the beginning of each player's end step, you may put a +1/+1 counter on target creature that player controls.

Hurloon Wrangler

Denimwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player is wearing denim.)

Metagamer

Cards in the winning deck(s) of the latest Mythic Championship cost {1} more to cast.

Keeper of the Sacred Word

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Biting Remark

Scrycast {0} (If you see this card while scrying, you may reveal it and cast it by paying {0}.)
Flying

Rocket-Powered Turbo Slug

Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))