Gleemax

You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.

Gonti, Lord of Luxury

Deathtouch
When Gonti, Lord of Luxury enters, look at the top four cards of target opponent's library, exile one of them face down, then put the rest on the bottom of that library in a random order. You may cast that card for as long as it remains exiled, and mana of any type can be spent to cast that spell.

Gilded Lotus

Inhumaniac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or 4, put a +1/+1 counter on Inhumaniac. On a 5 or higher, put two +1/+1 counters on it. On a 1, remove all +1/+1 counters from Inhumaniac.

capital offense

target creature gets -x/-x until end of turn, where x is the number of times a capital letter appears in its rules text. (ignore reminder text and flavor text.)

Dirty Rat

When this creature enters, target opponent discards a card.

Mana Screw

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

Snow-Covered Swamp

Mana Confluence

{T}, Pay 1 life: Add one mana of any color.

Enter the Dungeon

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

Labro Bot

When this creature enters, return target host card or card with augment from your graveyard to your hand.

Noxious Gearhulk

Menace
When Noxious Gearhulk enters, you may destroy another target creature. If a creature is destroyed this way, you gain life equal to its toughness.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

Lobe Lobber

Equipped creature has "{T}: This creature deals 1 damage to target player or planeswalker. Roll a six-sided die. On a 5 or higher, untap it."
Equip {2}

Bat-

Flying
At the beginning of each end step, if an opponent lost 3 or more life this turn,
Augment {1}{B} ({1}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Wurmcoil Engine

Deathtouch, lifelink
When Wurmcoil Engine dies, create a 3/3 colorless Phyrexian Wurm artifact creature token with deathtouch and a 3/3 colorless Phyrexian Wurm artifact creature token with lifelink.

Gnome-Made Engine

When this creature enters, create a 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature token.

Damnation

Destroy all creatures. They can't be regenerated.

Mad Science Fair Project

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or lower, target player adds {C}. Otherwise, that player adds one mana of any color they choose.

Krark's Other Thumb

If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.

Hangman

As Hangman enters, secretly note a word with six to eight letters.
{1}: Target player who doesn't control Hangman guesses the noted word or an unguessed letter in that word. If they guess wrong, put a +1/+1 counter on Hangman. Any player may activate this ability.
When a player guesses the noted word or all of its letters, sacrifice Hangman.

Mox Lotus

{T}: Add {∞}.
{100}: Add one mana of any color.

Infernius Spawnington III, Esq.

Flying, first strike, trample, haste
This spell costs {3} less to cast for each card you've revealed this turn.
When Infernius Spawnington III, Esq. enters, you may say "I'm here." If you do, it deals 3 damage to target player.

Geth, Lord of the Vault

Intimidate (This creature can't be blocked except by artifact creatures and/or creatures that share a color with it.)
{X}{B}: Put target artifact or creature card with mana value X from an opponent's graveyard onto the battlefield under your control tapped. Then that player mills X cards.

Kill! Destroy!

Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

Booster Tutor

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Magus of the Coffers

{2}, {T}: Add {B} for each Swamp you control.

Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike
{1}{B}, Reveal Infernal Spawn of Evil from your hand, Say "It's coming!": Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 1 damage to target opponent or planeswalker. Activate only during your upkeep and only once each turn.

Sheoldred, Whispering One

Swampwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player controls a Swamp.)
At the beginning of your upkeep, return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield.
At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, that player sacrifices a creature of their choice.

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Spike, Tournament Grinder

({B/P} can be paid with either {B} or 2 life.)
{B/P}{B/P}{B/P}{B/P}: Reveal a card you own from outside the game that has been banned or restricted in a Constructed format and put it into your hand.

Puppeteer Clique

Flying
When Puppeteer Clique enters, put target creature card from an opponent's graveyard onto the battlefield under your control. It gains haste. At the beginning of your next end step, exile it.
Persist (When this creature dies, if it had no -1/-1 counters on it, return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with a -1/-1 counter on it.)

God-Eternal Bontu

Menace
When God-Eternal Bontu enters, sacrifice any number of other permanents, then draw that many cards.
When God-Eternal Bontu dies or is put into exile from the battlefield, you may put it into its owner's library third from the top.

Bloodletter

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

City of Ass

City of Ass enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Reassembling Skeleton

{1}{B}: Return this card from your graveyard to the battlefield tapped.

Liliana, Defiant Necromancer

+2: Each player discards a card.
−X: Return target nonlegendary creature card with mana value X from your graveyard to the battlefield.
−8: You get an emblem with "Whenever a creature dies, return it to the battlefield under your control at the beginning of the next end step."

Liliana, Heretical Healer

Lifelink
Whenever another nontoken creature you control dies, exile Liliana, Heretical Healer, then return her to the battlefield transformed under her owner's control. If you do, create a 2/2 black Zombie creature token.

Liliana, Heretical Healer // Liliana, Defiant Necromancer

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.
{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

Giant Fan

{2}, {T}: Move a counter from one permanent onto another. If the second permanent refers to any kind of counter, the moved counter becomes one of those counters. Otherwise, it becomes a +1/+1 counter.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Gray Merchant of Asphodel

When Gray Merchant of Asphodel enters, each opponent loses X life, where X is your devotion to black. You gain life equal to the life lost this way. (Each {B} in the mana costs of permanents you control counts toward your devotion to black.)

Crypt Ghast

Extort (Whenever you cast a spell, you may pay {W/B}. If you do, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain that much life.)
Whenever you tap a Swamp for mana, add an additional {B}.

Ophiomancer

At the beginning of each upkeep, if you control no Snakes, create a 1/1 black Snake creature token with deathtouch.

City of Brass

Whenever City of Brass becomes tapped, it deals 1 damage to you.
{T}: Add one mana of any color.

Blacker Lotus

{T}: Tear Blacker Lotus into pieces. Add four mana of any one color. Remove the pieces from the game.

Double Cross

Choose another player. Look at that player's hand and choose a card other than a basic land card from it. They discard that card. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, look at that player's hand and choose a card other than a basic land card from it. They discard that card.

Angelic Rocket

Flying
When this creature enters, you may destroy target nonland permanent.

Kindslaver

{5}, {T}, Sacrifice Kindslaver: A person outside the game controls target player during that player's next turn. Neither player may advise that person until the end of that turn.

Hazmat Suit (Used)

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace.
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

Jumbo Imp

Flying
As Jumbo Imp enters, roll a six-sided die. Jumbo Imp enters with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.
At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die and put a number of +1/+1 counters on Jumbo Imp equal to the result.
At the beginning of your end step, roll a six-sided die and remove a number of +1/+1 counters from Jumbo Imp equal to the result.

Liliana of the Dark Realms

+1: Search your library for a Swamp card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.
−3: Target creature gets +X/+X or -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of Swamps you control.
−6: You get an emblem with "Swamps you control have '{T}: Add {B}{B}{B}{B}.'"

Urza's Contact Lenses

Urza's Contact Lenses enters tapped.
Urza's Contact Lenses doesn't untap during your untap step.
As long as Urza's Contact Lenses is untapped, all players play with their hands revealed.
Clap your hands twice: You may tap or untap Urza's Contact Lenses.

Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike, trample
Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay {1}{B}, reveal Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil from your library and say "I'm coming, too!" If you do, Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

Rise of the Dark Realms

Put all creature cards from all graveyards onto the battlefield under your control.

Soul of Innistrad

Deathtouch
{3}{B}{B}: Return up to three target creature cards from your graveyard to your hand.
{3}{B}{B}, Exile Soul of Innistrad from your graveyard: Return up to three target creature cards from your graveyard to your hand.

Massacre Wurm

When this creature enters, creatures your opponents control get -2/-2 until end of turn.
Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, that player loses 2 life.

Cabal Coffers

Dark Ritual

Myojin of Night's Reach

Myojin of Night's Reach enters with a divinity counter on it if you cast it from your hand.
Myojin of Night's Reach has indestructible as long as it has a divinity counter on it.
Remove a divinity counter from Myojin of Night's Reach: Each opponent discards their hand.

Grave Titan

Deathtouch
Whenever Grave Titan enters or attacks, create two 2/2 black Zombie creature tokens.

Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre

When you cast this spell, destroy target permanent.
Indestructible
Annihilator 4 (Whenever this creature attacks, defending player sacrifices four permanents of their choice.)
When Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre is put into a graveyard from anywhere, its owner shuffles their graveyard into their library.

Exotic Orchard

{T}: Add one mana of any color that a land an opponent controls could produce.

Nykthos, Shrine to Nyx

{T}: Add {C}.
{2}, {T}: Choose a color. Add an amount of mana of that color equal to your devotion to that color. (Your devotion to a color is the number of mana symbols of that color in the mana costs of permanents you control.)

Yahenni, Undying Partisan

Haste
Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, put a +1/+1 counter on Yahenni, Undying Partisan.
Sacrifice another creature: Yahenni gains indestructible until end of turn.

Swiftfoot Boots

Equipped creature has hexproof and haste. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities your opponents control. It can attack and {T} no matter when it came under your control.)
Equip {1} ({1}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Everythingamajig

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.
{3}, {T}: Target player discards a card. Activate only during your turn.
{X}: Everythingamajig becomes an X/X Construct artifact creature until end of turn.

Sol Ring

Yawgmoth, Thran Physician

Protection from Humans
Pay 1 life, Sacrifice another creature: Put a -1/-1 counter on up to one target creature and draw a card.
{B}{B}, Discard a card: Proliferate. (Choose any number of permanents and/or players, then give each another counter of each kind already there.)

Thran Dynamo

Jack-in-the-Mox

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect.
1 — Sacrifice Jack-in-the-Mox and you lose 5 life.
2 — Add {W}.
3 — Add {U}.
4 — Add {B}.
5 — Add {R}.
6 — Add {G}.

Big Boa Constrictor

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Target opponent loses life equal to the result.

Mana Vault

Mana Vault doesn't untap during your untap step.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay {4}. If you do, untap Mana Vault.
At the beginning of your draw step, if Mana Vault is tapped, it deals 1 damage to you.
{T}: Add {C}{C}{C}.