Jace, the Mind Sculptor

+2: Look at the top card of target player's library. You may put that card on the bottom of that player's library.
0: Draw three cards, then put two cards from your hand on top of your library in any order.
−1: Return target creature to its owner's hand.
−12: Exile all cards from target player's library, then that player shuffles their hand into their library.

Zurgo Bellstriker

Zurgo Bellstriker can't block creatures with power 2 or greater.
Dash {1}{R} (You may cast this spell for its dash cost. If you do, it gains haste, and it's returned from the battlefield to its owner's hand at the beginning of the next end step.)

Flavor Judge

{T}: Choose target spell or ability that targets a permanent you control. Then ask a person outside the game if the story of what will happen makes sense. If they say no, sacrifice Flavor Judge and counter that spell or ability.

The Cheese Stands Alone

When you control no permanents other than The Cheese Stands Alone and have no cards in hand, you win the game.

Ugin, the Spirit Dragon

+2: Ugin, the Spirit Dragon deals 3 damage to any target.
−X: Exile each permanent with mana value X or less that's one or more colors.
−10: You gain 7 life, draw seven cards, then put up to seven permanent cards from your hand onto the battlefield.

Alexander Clamilton

Whenever you cast a wordy spell, scry 2. (A spell is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)
{1}{R}, {T}: Choose target creature you don't control. Reveal the top card of your library. Alexander Clamilton gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of lines of rules text of the revealed card. Alexander Clamilton fights that creature.

Tarmogoyf

Tarmogoyf's power is equal to the number of card types among cards in all graveyards and its toughness is equal to that number plus 1.

Hogaak, Arisen Necropolis

You can't spend mana to cast this spell.
Convoke, delve (Each creature you tap while casting this spell pays for {1} or one mana of that creature's color. Each card you exile from your graveyard pays for {1}.)
You may cast Hogaak, Arisen Necropolis from your graveyard.
Trample

Counterspell

Fat Ass

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)